# Was this compliment inappropriate? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 19, 2023, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817 "2023-12-19T08:18:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2023, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/142 "2023-12-22T00:18:36Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > It’s interesting that you’re choosing that example; because being tall is in general advantageous in this society, and overall brings respect. My point exactly. I was responding to the idea that hearing tiresome jokes about tallness warrants a lot of distress. As I said in an earlier post (#135): > In terms of the need I see to keep things in perspective, I’m talking about value-neutral (or even seen as good) characteristics like height, in a discussion among equals. > > Where there is a power differential, or where the characteristic in question is generally considered a disadvantage or disability, _then_ I think smoldering anger is more justifiable. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2023, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/143 "2023-12-22T00:52:51Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > The OP related the story and doesn’t deserve any scorn for doing so. Disagree. The op said that that comment was a “compliment”. WTF? It was an insult. Lisa told Sylvia that Lisa doesn’t see Sylvia as an adult human being, but as a child or an animal. It would be appropriate to look at a chipmunk and say, “ooh, look at how tiny and cute it is.” It would be acceptable to say that about a pet, or a child too small to understand the words. It’s not okay to say that to a grown woman. ---
**Author:** ![vbob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vbob/32/4439_2.png) [@vbob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vbob)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2023, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/144 "2023-12-22T00:54:30Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > I suspect one’s attitude to the existence of micro-aggressions, or “micro-aggressions”, depends greatly on how many you’re subjected to per day. Semi-hijack: during the extreme covid lockdowns, I became very aware of not being exposed to ‘micro-affirmations’ - the friendly nods from not-quite-strangers on the street, the cheery ‘hihowareya’ from the barista, the smile at the held-open-door, and other social interactions you don’t realize how much you need until they’re gone. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2023, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/145 "2023-12-22T11:47:22Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > I was responding to the idea that hearing tiresome jokes about tallness warrants a lot of distress. Sure, I think it’s fairly easy to assume we can dismiss tallness. I don’t know that it’s _right_ to dismiss it, without walking a mile in those shoes, but sure, it seems an obvious target for waving away with ‘get over it’ > [@CairoCarol](#): > > Where there is a power differential, or where the characteristic in question is generally considered a disadvantage or disability, _then_ I think smoldering anger is more justifiable. Yes, a person with a characteristic that is generally considered a disadvantage or disability is likely to be the victim of a power differential, on a basis that persists outside of any incident where someone mocks that characteristic. That’s bad. A person who has some other characteristic (perhaps ginger hair) does not necessarily have a persistent power disadvantage, but _in the moment_ where someone mocks that attribute, they are also placed on the adverse side of a power differential. This is also bad. Probably less bad than the other thing, but not _good just because the other thing is bad_. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2023, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/146 "2023-12-22T12:14:08Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Again – would Lisa have said that to a male superior, no matter how short he was? Knowing Lisa, yes, she would have. But probably not anymore. I think Sylvias facial expression knocked Lisa into reality which is why she quickly asked me about the comment. I’m thinking it has been nipped in in the bud. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2023, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/147 "2023-12-22T14:43:53Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > (perhaps ginger hair) Actually I think ginger hair is [a bit sensitive](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVN_0qvuhhw). ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2023, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/148 "2023-12-22T22:02:15Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > The op said that that comment was a “compliment”. No he didn’t. He said he thought it was intended as a compliment. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2023, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/149 "2023-12-22T22:07:33Z")
The title of the thread is “was this compliment inappropriate?” The op says, in part: > [@pkbites](#): > > should Sylvia graciously accept the compliment? > My opinion is the Sylvia should accept it as a compliment but Lisa, knowing how Sylvia reacted, should not say anything about her height ever again in the future The thread wasn’t titled “was this comment appropriate?”, nor did the post say “should Sylvia have accepted the comment as if it were the compliment Lisa intended it to be”. I think he bought into it being intrinsically a compliment, and presented the story as such. And I’m far from the only poster who was upset by that. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2023, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/150 "2023-12-22T22:23:38Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > The title of the thread is “was this compliment inappropriate?” You may not have noticed before but thread titles are usually abbreviated versions of the rest of the OP. He then clarified what that meant. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/151 "2023-12-23T13:33:48Z")
There are people who would consider, “Y’all don’t sweat much for a fat girl” to be a compliment. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/152 "2023-12-23T13:40:41Z")
I would be so confused if someone told me that. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/153 "2023-12-23T15:49:52Z")
But maybe less confused than reading that someone read that OP as TP did. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/154 "2023-12-23T15:57:09Z")
Yes. Terrible that I read it literally and didn’t apply a lot of preconceived notions to the plain text. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/155 "2023-12-23T16:47:36Z")
You see this where I get perplexed. Seriously. The OP title calls it a compliment. The text of the OP asks > [@pkbites](#): > > Should Lisa have shut up or should Sylvia graciously accept the compliment? But you choose to insist that the meaning was not that the OP thought telling a short petite cleaning woman “_Aw, you’re so tiny and cute”_ is a compliment. Even claiming that you are reading that text literally! It a head slapping wow. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/156 "2023-12-23T17:06:59Z")
But at least your text ain’t plain. It’s tiny and cute! 😀 ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/157 "2023-12-23T17:33:05Z")
Moderating: > [@DSeid](#): > > But you choose to insist that the meaning was This is getting kinda personal. Let’s get back to discussion the content, and not the commentators. My apologies for participating in the hijack of “whether the op deserves scorn”. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/158 "2023-12-23T18:03:36Z")
My intent was on point, illustrating with a gentle jibe the absurdity of “cute and tiny” as a compliment or even as a neutral comment, but you the mod! Duly noted and I will point no further similar compliments at anyone in this thread! ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/159 "2023-12-23T19:26:57Z")
I think the treatment of people with red hair warrants a bit of pondering. There is an oft-repeated meme that ‘gingers have no souls’ - in fact it’s one of a range of similar things people joke about, basically implying that people with red hair are subhuman or deficient in one or more ways. I sincerely doubt that the people making these jibes are ever serious, or that they consider it more than a funny little quip. Furthermore, having red hair is not a disability, and finally, no physical injury is done to the subject when one of these things is said to them. It’s all just a _harmless joke_, after all. Even though people who say it _must_ logically be aware that it’s part of a campaign of harassment, by virtue of it being a meme, if challenged, they’re only likely to consider the local impact of saying it this one time to this one person, and in that narrow frame, it’s a lot easier to excuse it as just a good old laugh. And yet, what a horrible, dehumanising thing that might be if you had to hear it from everyone you meet, all of the time, relentlessly, everywhere you go. I mean maybe some people would still just shrug it off - some people are good at that, but I don’t think I would blame anyone for not finding that so easy to do. The **effect** is victimisation, even if the **intent** to victimise never crossed anyone’s mind. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/160 "2023-12-23T19:40:03Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > My Uncle is 6’10, thin and handsome, but has problems entering certain doorways, going down stairs with a sloped ceiling, and sitting in certain vehicles. Is he supposed to get pissy when folks would say “You’re a tall glass of water”. Or should he take it as the compliment it was intended to be? I always consider it a win if people don’t actually insult me because of my height. Frankly though you aren’t saying anything I haven’t heard a dozen times before. It’s a little annoying and more importantly, what’s the point of these comments/ jokes? It’s interesting that you consider that comment a compliment. The only thing I have to say about it, is that it’s not an insult. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/161 "2023-12-23T20:47:29Z")
The OP has also made several posts in this thread where they clarified they would not have said what they said and did not approve. They have also indicated that they think the intention matters. They have, in fact, largely agreed with the consensus opinion of this thread–even when people were being less than kind to them. So, yes, I agree with TriPolar. The logical reading of the OP is that pkbites called it a compliment because he believes it was intended as one. It does not make sense to assume he actually thinks the comment was complimentary, or he wouldn’t disapprove of it. But let’s say I’m wrong. Let’s say the OP did originally think it was a compliment. He’s clearly been convinced by the other argument that it isn’t. So, even then, it doesn’t make sense to scorn him. It’s good that he was convinced. So, either way, TriPolar was right in saying it didn’t make much sense to be upset at pkbites. Sure, maybe if you just read the OP and skipped everything else, you might be upset. But it’s pretty clear that now, at least, he doesn’t see it as a compliment. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817.md?page=9)