# Was this compliment inappropriate? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 19, 2023, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817 "2023-12-19T08:18:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/162 "2023-12-23T20:53:01Z")
**Moderating** Remember, do not argue moderation in thread. Also using “absurdity” in this case is pushing the don’t attack the poster rule. If you have a complaint or explanation about a moderated post, please PM the Mod that moderated or all moderators using moderators in the PM’s User area. . ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2023, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/163 "2023-12-23T22:26:40Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > A while back I saw a bumper sticker that said “100% human. Made in the USA from imported parts.”. I knew a teenager ages ago who had a t-shirt that said “Made in Colombia. Born in the USA.” ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2023, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/164 "2023-12-24T03:09:44Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > The **effect** is victimisation, even if the **intent** to victimise never crossed anyone’s mind. We might need more words than English is offering us in order to come to the shared understanding that I suspect we have. To me, the word “victim” suggests really horrific experiences - the loss of everything due to the ravages of war, one’s personal property and one’s entire community lost due to raging wide fires, first hand suffering of the effects of structural inequities due to race or gender. I am probably wrong - after all, phrases such “she was a victim of her own success” exist. But I would like to claim a difference between people who are legitimately pissed off due to references to their tallness, red hair, etc, and people who suffer because they are part of a genuinely oppressed group, had the misfortune to live in a strife-ridden zone, or were disproportionately affected by global warming. I see a significant difference in the _ **level** _ of victimhood for someone who gets annoyed because their height is remarked upon, and someone who suffers because their gender is considered second-class, they are poor, etc. Alas, all of them are “victims.” I wish the language could be more specific. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2023, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/165 "2023-12-24T04:51:33Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > But I would like to claim a difference between people who are legitimately pissed off due to references to their tallness, red hair, etc, and people who suffer because they are part of a genuinely oppressed group, What if the cop said what she said to a woman who actually _was_ an achondroplasia dwarf? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2023, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/166 "2023-12-24T05:47:53Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > To me, the word “victim” suggests really horrific experiences My wife had a pickpocket dip into her purse on the Paris Metro. Pickpockets work fast; they dip in and go, without usually getting a clear idea of what they’re grabbing. So my wife didn’t lose her wallet; instead, the thief grabbed and took a case that had my wife’s expensive sunglasses. This is not a horrific consequence. It’s just a pair of sunglasses. So clearly my wife cannot have been a victim of pickpocketing. She is, therefore, a \_\_\_\_\_ of pickpocketing. Please fill in the blank for us. ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2023, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/167 "2023-12-24T07:43:05Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I’d ordinarily ignore her but on that particular day my reply was, “fuck off” Sounds like you need more [Raymond Briggs](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/489941) in your life. If you don’t know the author he is gently satirical, presented in a beautiful comic style. Most of his work is aimed at children, but some dark stuff wrapped in comic format too. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2023, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/168 "2023-12-24T08:57:47Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > But I would like to claim a difference between people who are legitimately pissed off due to references to their tallness, red hair, etc, and people who suffer because they are part of a genuinely oppressed group, There’s a difference, certainly. I have never argued otherwise, and indeed have clearly stated there is a difference, however, I would argue that, whilst some of your dividing line is a reflection of the real world scales of tangible harm, social disadvantage and malicious intent, I think some of it is drawn by your trivialisation of the things you identify to be below the line. ‘legitimately pissed off’ seems to me a really weak summary of the possible mental state of a person who has been subject to a persistent campaign of verbal abuse. I agree that it’s weird that we only have one word ‘victim’ for a very broad scale of things, but I think that’s typically handled by context eg: Scam victim, murder victim, prank victim, genocide victim… ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2023, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/169 "2023-12-24T09:07:13Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > the cop said Sorry, I’m missing something. What cop? ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2023, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/170 "2023-12-24T09:23:33Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > What cop? Whoops, sorry … I belatedly realize you meant the policeman referred to by the OP. The word “cop” (not used in this thread until your post) threw me due to unrelated topics in my real life where I am careful to consider whether “cop” might be less respectful than “policeman” or “policewoman” or better yet, “police officer.” ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2023, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/171 "2023-12-25T05:03:23Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > I think the treatment of people with red hair warrants a bit of pondering. Hope this isn’t too much of a hijack, but this seemed like a good chance to post this link: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVN\_0qvuhhw&ab\_channel=TimMinchin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVN_0qvuhhw&ab_channel=TimMinchin) ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2023, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/172 "2023-12-25T05:35:10Z")
Missed post #146, evidently. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2023, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/173 "2023-12-25T06:03:31Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > Whoops, sorry … I belatedly realize you meant the policeman referred to by the OP. The word “cop” (not used in this thread until your post) threw me due to unrelated topics in my real life where I am careful to consider whether “cop” might be less respectful than “policeman” or “policewoman” or better yet, “police officer.-” Are you not responding to my question because I used the word “cop”? (When I post on my phone I tend to shorten things when I can, as it’s a pain to hunt and peck with one finger.) ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2023, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/174 "2023-12-25T07:53:58Z")
I did indeed. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2023, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/175 "2023-12-25T08:19:38Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > I am careful to consider whether “cop” might be less respectful than “policeman” or “policewoman” or better yet, “police officer.” It’s not. Nothing wrong with it. Pig, Fuzz, or Fuzzball are disrespectful. > [@Mangetout](#): > > There is an oft-repeated meme that ‘gingers have no souls’ We don’t! 😈 ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2023, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/176 "2023-12-25T13:34:35Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Are you not responding to my question because I used the word “cop”? Not at all. I think the “compliment” was demeaning regardless of whether the woman had any specific condition. And I don’t think a glare at the cop (thanks @pkbites) was out of line. Does that answer your question? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2023, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/177 "2023-12-27T13:47:16Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > > [@SanVito](#): > > > > I think in all this I’m just surprised that someone in Sylvia’s position - a police officer of considerable experience - > > I think in all this I’m just surprised that some people on the SDMB aren’t better at reading OP’s and comprehending who is who. I’m feeling attacked (because when I posted a hypothetical I switched Lisa’s name for Sylvia’s 🫢). ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2023, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/178 "2023-12-27T16:46:06Z")
Overall I would expect professionals who serve in a public capacity to have some tact in their interactions with people. Keep one’s opinions about shape size hair style appearance to one self. Perhaps profiling based on appearance is her strong suit? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817.md?page=8)