# Was this ignorance or thoughtlessness? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2006, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369 "2006-08-11T23:10:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/1 "2006-08-11T23:10:29Z")
I need others’ opinions on this - I’m really steamed and think I need some perspective. Here’s the situation: My husband and I have a newborn - when this incident happened, he was two months old. We decided to invite a friend and his wife over for dinner because they always invite us and we wanted to return the favor. They accepted happily and came right over. As soon as they arrived, my friend’s wife immediately asked to hold the baby. She said her hands were clean, so I handed him over. She kissed and cuddled him for a while then handed him back to take care of her own son, who is about 18 months and was running around sticking everything in sight into his mouth. Fast forward an hour and we’re finishing up at the dinner table. My friend’s wife casually mentions that she, her husband and her child all have a [staph infection](http://www.webmd.com/content/article/100/105485.htm). :eek: My husband and I were both stunned. They all had a staph infection and they came over and handled our newborn??? Surely they meant something else - they couldn’t have actually been stupid enough to come over if they all had staph. My husband asked, “Did you say that all three of you have staph infections?” “Oh, yeah. We were tested a couple of days ago and we’ve all got it. Don’t know how, but we do. We first figured it out when we were all really itchy.” Har har har. We couldn’t believe they actually came over to our house, handled our kid and allowed theirs to stick all our stuff in his mouth, then only told us after the fact that they were all infected with a potentially dangerous infection. I’m trying to figure out, though, if maybe they thought it was just like having a cold or if they knew how serious staph can be. What do you think: was this ignorance or thoughtlessness? I can’t imagine their doctor wouldn’t tell them that how serious a staph infection can be. Maybe I’m wrong. Opinions? ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/2 "2006-08-11T23:33:04Z")
In the interests of preserving what is left of my opinion of the human race, I’m hoping they were ignorant of the dangers of staph infections. I hope they just didn’t know, instead of being so careless. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/3 "2006-08-11T23:36:58Z")
Good lord, that’s horrendous. I don’t even _like_ babies, but I wouldn’t go _near_ one if I had so much as the sniffles! ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2006, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/4 "2006-08-11T23:38:09Z")
**This** is a fine example of why my Dad taught me Rule One and Rule Two. Rule One: People are idiots. Rule Two: People are no damn good. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/5 "2006-08-12T00:07:07Z")
[QUOTE=Eve] Good lord, that’s horrendous. I don’t even _like_ babies, but I wouldn’t go _near_ one if I had so much as the sniffles! [/QUOTE] Now if you had leprosy… I’m going to say they were just ignorant or they have different attitudes towards germs than you do. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/6 "2006-08-12T00:50:38Z")
Jesus! I don’t think I could have let it simply pass without comment. I think I would have said, “You realize, of course, that staph infections are highly contagious, difficult to get rid of, and can be deadly?” > **[Staph (Staphylococcus) Infection: Causes, Symptoms, Treatment, Complications](https://www.medicinenet.com/staph_infection/article.htm)** > > Staph (Staphylococcus) infection is a group of bacteria that can cause a multitude of diseases. Staph infections can cause illness directly by infection or indirectly by the toxins they produce. Symptoms of a staph infection include redness,... I know it’s water under the bridge, but seeing as people are sometimes as dumb as a box of hair, I think I’d have to take the “guilty until proven innocent” stance and ask everyone if they have any contagious diseases. You wouldn’t think that would be necessary, but evidently it is. Hope your baby is OK. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/7 "2006-08-12T01:46:53Z")
Holy shit, I think I’d have kicked them out of my house right then and there-manners be damned. Your little one is all right, I hope. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/8 "2006-08-12T03:56:37Z")
Our little squirt is fine, and they fortunately left shortly after making that announcement. After my initial rage had cooled, I e-mailed my friend and asked him if they were ok and mentioned that staph can be extremely dangerous and asked that they let us know when they’re no longer contagious. I also recommended that they let others know they’re infected before they visit. I haven’t heard from him since - I’m assuming that he was either a) embarrassed, b) offended that I brought it up or c) too busy to respond. I’m betting it’s c, but I secretly hope it’s at least a little bit of a. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/9 "2006-08-12T03:59:59Z")
[QUOTE=YaWanna] **This** is a fine example of why my Dad taught me Rule One and Rule Two. Rule One: People are idiots. Rule Two: People are no damn good. [/QUOTE] Your Dad was wise, cynical but wise. **overlyverbose** : You must be a very calm person, I would have freaked and started yelling at them. They sound ignorant and thoughtless too me. Jim ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/10 "2006-08-12T04:20:37Z")
That was indeed horrendous. The usual etiquette in these matters, should you or your child wake up with a cold, is to call up the person you’re about to meet up with and tell them the situation. In case of a fever, barfing, or (holy cow) _staph infection_, you simply bow out of the commitment. With a mild cold, you describe what’s going on and let the other person decide whether to keep the appointment or not. This is basic parenting manners, and people shold not have to be told this. I’m sure **overlyverbose** has figured it out. Gah. Total barbarians, these people are. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/11 "2006-08-12T04:24:42Z")
Well, the baby probably already has staph on his skin, as do you and your husband. We all do, only most of us have a strong enough immune system to keep it from getting out of hand when it’s pressed into the skin by a cut or puncture. It’s very difficult to catch a staph infection unless you’re touching open skin to a blistery, oozy staph lesion on the infected person. The baby is at hardly any risk, and at no more risk than you or your husband, assuming the baby is full term and healthy. HOWEVER, the couple was still totally, completely and utterly out of line. No doubt about it. “Hardly any risk” is still some risk, and as the baby’s parents, and in your own home, you are the determiners for what risks you’re willing to take, not them. Certainly snorgling your baby was just stupid and inconsiderate and asshattery of the highest level. I’m not a germophobe by any means, and I do think babies need to be exposed to challenges to the immune system to grow healthy and strong and reduce the risk of allergies and auto-immune disorders. But as his parents, you get to choose when and how to do that. If 'twas me, _and my friend told me of the staph infections before coming over_, I’d ask her to hospital scrub and use Purell before holding my baby, assuming she had no exposed lesions. That’s my educated risk assessment. Yours may vary. But to not even give you the option of saying no, by not even telling you about it? Foul. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/12 "2006-08-12T05:37:34Z")
Perhaps they thought it was a \*\*\*staff \*\*\*infection; and since you weren’t a coworker, you couldn’t catch it. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/13 "2006-08-12T05:44:29Z")
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. This is not a justification, merely an attempt to bring about clarity. I would have harsh words for them if it were _my_ newborn. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/14 "2006-08-12T07:46:54Z")
They were totally ignorant! How horrible for you! I’m glad that you let them know the seriousness of what they had done! I also fault their physician for not communicating to them the seriousness of their situation and the steps they should take to protect others. I can’t believe they’ve been unleashed on a vulnerable society! ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/15 "2006-08-12T07:52:44Z")
[QUOTE=overlyverbose] She said her hands were clean, so I handed him over. [/QUOTE] This is the part I don’t understand. She was aware that dirty hands might be an issue, but not a staph infection? She sounds too stupid to keep on the guest list, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/16 "2006-08-12T08:06:53Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] as dumb as a box of hair [/QUOTE] I’ll see your box of hair, and raise you a box of mud. Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/17 "2006-08-12T08:10:51Z")
[QUOTE=NinetyWt] I’ll see your box of hair, and raise you a box of mud. Sheesh. [/QUOTE] And I’ll raise you a box of rocks. Keeeerist on a cracker. I’m thinking these folks probably don’t need another invite anytime soon. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/18 "2006-08-12T08:28:02Z")
Doesn’t the doctor warn it’s patients about how contagious this is? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/19 "2006-08-12T14:14:08Z")
I’m…I can’t…they’re too…_wtf?_ ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2006, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369/20 "2006-08-12T14:43:34Z")
[QUOTE=SHAKES] Doesn’t the doctor warn it’s patients about how contagious this is? :dubious: [/QUOTE] Again, just to bring some perspective to the table, a staph infection isn’t really all that contagious. If all your lesions are in covered places (like the trunk of your body, or your butt), then it’s very unlikely that someone else with an open wound is going to rub their cut skin on your lesion. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the doctor told her she was fine to be out in public. It’s not communicable by air, other bodily fluids, or casual intact skin contact. But, to reiterate (because I don’t want to be accused of defending them) what they did was wrong. ANY known about communicable condition, however slight, should be made aware to the parents of a newborn ahead of time. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-ignorance-or-thoughtlessness/368369.md?page=2)