# Was this rude? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 25, 2019, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205 "2019-08-25T08:43:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/21 "2019-08-26T05:56:01Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > People need to use phones to make phone calls, dammit! Now that’s just crazy talk. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/22 "2019-08-26T06:14:21Z")
> [@Dag\_Otto](#): > > Now that’s just crazy talk. Cut him some slack. He’s old. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/23 "2019-08-26T08:21:16Z")
I just wanted to let off steam here, rather than have an argument with him. We’ve been friends a long time and I didn’t want to lose that over one small annoyance. So thanks for your comments, which helped a lot. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/24 "2019-08-26T19:23:31Z")
Rudeness requires intent, methinks, and that is one option. Equally possible options, not knowing the details, are: - didn’t hear you because he’s hard of hearing - didn’t hear you because texting requires his full focus - didn’t hear you because you mumble/whisper/faced away when talking - had no idea it had been that long, he was just sending one text to his DIL In other words, fugetaboutit! ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/25 "2019-08-26T20:23:22Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Rudeness requires intent, methinks Nah, simple apathy works too. If you intentionally bump into people or step on their toes, that’s rude. If you unintentionally bump into people or step on their toes, and don’t apologize or care that you’ve done so, that’s still rude. If you keep someone else waiting unnecessarily and unapologetically, that’s rude, whether or not you’re doing so deliberately. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/26 "2019-08-26T20:31:30Z")
Is this late enough in the thread to comment: Who texts their DIL for 20 minutes? ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/27 "2019-08-26T20:36:31Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Is this late enough in the thread to comment: Who texts their DIL for 20 minutes? My elderly friend is a very slow typist. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/28 "2019-08-26T20:47:55Z")
> [@glee](#): > > My elderly friend is a very slow typist. I wasn’t serious with that question. My aging parents take 20 minutes just to report the past week’s weather to me. ---
**Author:** ![FastDan1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fastdan1/32/427_2.png) [@FastDan1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FastDan1)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/29 "2019-08-26T20:57:18Z")
The only acceptable answer is take his phone away, take his license away, and put him in a old folk’s home. Problem solved. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/30 "2019-08-26T21:02:32Z")
Yes it was rude. Is this common of him? ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2019, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/31 "2019-08-26T21:40:13Z")
> [@FastDan1](#): > > The only acceptable answer is take his phone away, take his license away, and put him in a old folk’s home. Problem solved. Problem solved? Not so fast. Who gets his car? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2019, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/32 "2019-08-27T17:09:58Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Yes, it’s rude. It would be rude if he was young, but being (as you say) elderly, it’s especially rude because he ought to know better. Because old people, more than anyone, should be more keenly aware of the limited number of minutes in a life. If he was _really_ old I’d say it was passive aggressive. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2019, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/33 "2019-08-27T17:46:46Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Because old people, more than anyone, should be more keenly aware of the limited number of minutes in a life. If he was _really_ old I’d say it was passive aggressive. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2019, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/34 "2019-08-28T15:28:57Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Nah, simple apathy works too. > > If you intentionally bump into people or step on their toes, that’s rude. > > If you unintentionally bump into people or step on their toes, and don’t apologize or care that you’ve done so, that’s still rude. > > If you keep someone else waiting unnecessarily and unapologetically, that’s rude, whether or not you’re doing so deliberately. I agree. And if you set out saying rudeness needs to be willful, you’re going to end up reading bad motives into people’s actions which might not exist, because their rudeness still impacts you whether intentional or not, and you’ll be looking to blame them. There’s no problem with simultaneously being annoying by somebody’s rudeness and recognizing they didn’t ‘mean anything by it’ in an active sense, just weren’t thinking or just didn’t care about you. The latter isn’t good, it’s better to have some genuine concern for others, but still not the same as doing things on purpose to piss people off. On OP question I think if you’re a stickler for manners you could read it both ways. The older friend shouldn’t have kept OP waiting, but it wasn’t polite of OP necessarily either to ask what the text was just because it held up OP. And, really 20 minutes literally? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2019, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/35 "2019-08-28T17:05:18Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > If he paid for dinner, let it slide. Yes. A friend and I planned to meet recently so I could return a tool I had borrowed. I arrived at the bar right on time, but he was twenty minutes late. Since he was nice enough to lend me the tool, I didn’t complain about his late arrival. Good thing too; he left just before me and paid my tab along with his.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2019, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/36 "2019-08-28T19:29:22Z")
> [@Corry\_El](#): > > On OP question I think if you’re a stickler for manners you could read it both ways. The older friend shouldn’t have kept OP waiting, but it wasn’t polite of OP necessarily either to ask what the text was just because it held up OP. > > And, really 20 minutes literally? As I said, I just asked “Is everything OK?” I was concerned that there might be illness or other bad news. (My friend has had a triple heart bypass and needs to avoid stress.) Yes, literally 20 minutes. We were in a village, so I looked at the allotments, the pub menu, then read all the notices on the village hall noticeboard. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2019, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/37 "2019-08-28T19:30:25Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Yes it was rude. Is this common of him? Normally he’s pretty considerate. He is set in his ways (but then so am I!) ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2019, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/38 "2019-08-28T19:32:11Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > If he paid for dinner, let it slide. We always split the cost of dinner. Since he drives, I buy the drinks. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2019, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205/39 "2019-08-28T19:45:13Z")
Yes, he was rude, or maybe thoughtless. He can’t handle technology because he is a clueless old codger. I would cut him some slack, but I am myself a clueless old codger. And we’re cranky. I would have given the phone to my daughter. That girl can tap out the complete text of _War and Peace_ faster than I can figure out how to spell lol. And all my texts take longer to type, because, well… Regards, Shodan [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-rude/839205.md?page=1)