# Was this the right thing to do? (Calling cops on a weird guy) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 28, 2016, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275 "2016-11-28T14:24:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/61 "2016-11-29T11:45:57Z")
Given how unpredictable and life-altering interventions by the police can turn out, I think it is wise for people to only call on them when there are clear signs of criminal-like activity–at least when it comes to reporting suspicious people (as opposed to suspicious packages). So I’d call the police if I see someone breaking into a car, but not for simply peering into one. I’d call them if I saw a person groping kids in the bushes, but not for simply watching them on the playground and being friendly with them. Because the officers are going to need probable cause to arrest them. If I know there isn’t anything for them to hang their hat on for an arrest, why bother? And why risk potentially ruining someone’s day (or worse, their life) by siccing the police on them? I think your feelings of suspicion were understandable enough. But no, I don’t think you should have called the police. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/62 "2016-11-29T13:52:33Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Big people talk to big people. Little people talk to little people. Sometimes the little people will talk to the big people, but I always find that awkward. That is one of the saddest things I have ever read. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/63 "2016-11-29T13:56:50Z")
> [@Waxwinged](#): > > Quick question- do you have kids of your own? Yes, and I made sure that the general paranoia impacted her as little as possible. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/64 "2016-11-29T14:03:44Z")
You admit that you didn’t think he was breaking the law. There is therefore no reason to involve law enforcement. By your description, the worst thing this man was doing was violating some social conventions. Inasmuch as you need to enforce those conventions, you should rely on social interaction to do so. Talk to him. I personally don’t like the idea of a world where talking to children in public with their parents watching their every move is a suspicious activity. What exactly is it that you are worried will happen? Sure, if he’s isolating kids or telling them to come to his car or stuff like that. But just talking? And I don’t agree with those bringing up the “Spidey Sense.” It is something to pay attention to, but it’s not a justification for just any action. Unless you suspect lawbreaking, there’s no reason to get the police involved. Either they won’t be able to do anything and just create hassle and possible resentment, or they will actually try to enforce social norms, and I do NOT want the police in charge of those. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/65 "2016-11-29T14:04:40Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > If the guy GOES UP TO MY SON while playing then that is an issue. Horrors! A grown up who wants to interact with children! And wait, what? It’s a MALE grown up? MY GOD, CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD! How are we going to move forward on anything with this level of paranoia? Do you really want your child to grow up afraid of every adult male who isn’t related to them? ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/66 "2016-11-29T14:05:17Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > G > Because the officers are going to need probable cause to arrest them. If I know there isn’t anything for them to hang their hat on for an arrest, why bother? And why risk potentially ruining someone’s day (or worse, their life) by siccing the police on them? One other benefit of calling is that if the cops are getting similar reports of someone matching a similar description acting oddly in several parks, or in the same park several days in a row, the chances of something being really wrong go up quite a bit. But yes, I agree you can’t really trust the cops to respond proportionately, and that is a problem. I’m less likely, these days, to call the cops for a really borderline situation–like a man yelling at his wife in public–because I worry now that they will shoot first and ask questions later. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/67 "2016-11-29T14:08:41Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > And that is why I think the OP did right. If I’m at the park with my son and he talks to a guy, not a problem. If the guy GOES UP TO MY SON while playing then that is an issue. Why is it the police’s job to enforce this social convention? Why do we need to get the government involved, having them tell this guy how to run his life? If he’s breaking the law, sure, the police need to be involved. But if not, then they don’t. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/68 "2016-11-29T14:14:59Z")
> [@Pabitel](#): > > Horrors! A grown up who wants to interact with children! And wait, what? It’s a MALE grown up? MY GOD, CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD! > > How are we going to move forward on anything with this level of paranoia? Do you really want your child to grow up afraid of every adult male who isn’t related to them? What possible legitimate reason does an adult have to approach a strange child on a playground? In fact, children have been told as long as I’ve been around that they should not talk to strangers. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/69 "2016-11-29T14:22:25Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Hate to break it to you, but you actually DO get to call the cops on people who make you feel ooky. That’s literally and totally and 100% something you get to do. I agree. Just yesterday I was looking out my kitchen window and saw a guy who didn’t look like he belonged in my neighborhood. Just stuck out from all my other neighbors. Made me feel “ooky” so I called the cops on him. That will teach him not to walk around in other neighborhoods! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/70 "2016-11-29T14:22:26Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > What possible legitimate reason does an adult have to approach a strange child on a playground? Excuse me, gotta light? ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/71 "2016-11-29T14:29:35Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > I don’t think we ever found out: **Gedd** , what did the man say to your kid while at the drum toy? I honestly don’t know. I was looking up the number and my wife was watching him. > [@Randolph](#): > > I’m guessing that the twist ending here is that OP’s less-observant mostly-bench-sitting eavesdropping childless snitch ‘friend’ _was the pedophile all along!_ > > Also, that there were two timelines. Dang, you cracked the case! (Wait, I take that back) > [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > A friend of mine used to say his kid was like having a million dollars in cash, just walking around, with no defenses. Only it’s even worse than that - it’s your kid. That’s a great analogy. At the state fair, in a shoulder-to-shoulder crowd, our son squirmed his hand out of mine to go look at a corndog booth across the way. I can understand the love of corndogs but dear Lord, never do that again! :eek: I don’t expect the police to be at my beck and call for my every whim. (Emergencies sure). I always thought this was one of the things the non-emergency number was for, to say “Hey, this isn’t an emergency, but is this something you guys should know about?” If they want to check it out, cool. If they say no, then fine. However I bet police are better equipped to handle the drunk guy peeing on the sidewalk than I am. I dunno, I could be wrong though. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/72 "2016-11-29T14:34:16Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Why is it the police’s job to enforce this social convention? Why do we need to get the government involved, having them tell this guy how to run his life? > > If he’s breaking the law, sure, the police need to be involved. But if not, then they don’t. Great question. My answer is how else will the powers that be see if there is a pattern with this guy for acting creepy over several days or several parks? Assuming it is the weekend I doubt anyone at City Hall is there to field phone calls about creepy guys? Who else would know if the guy is on “The List” or not? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/73 "2016-11-29T14:37:45Z")
> [@Gedd](#): > > I don’t expect the police to be at my beck and call for my every whim. (Emergencies sure). I always thought this was one of the things the non-emergency number was for, to say “Hey, this isn’t an emergency, but is this something you guys should know about?” If they want to check it out, cool. If they say no, then fine. However I bet police are better equipped to handle the drunk guy peeing on the sidewalk than I am. > > I dunno, I could be wrong though. I don’t think you were in Mayberry. Calling the cops is a pretty serious matter, and whether it’s an emergency number or not any indication of a pedophile in a park is a red flag the police can’t ignore. It’s not a cat stuck in a tree, if they don’t respond full force even if there’s nothing to the story they’ll be blamed simply for not taking it seriously. Now that’s not your fault, just another problem we’ve created for ourselves. But you should be aware of that. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/74 "2016-11-29T14:45:45Z")
> [@Pabitel](#): > > Horrors! A grown up who wants to interact with children! And wait, what? It’s a MALE grown up? MY GOD, CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD! You know what? Yes because he was clearly inappropriate about it. 1. The OP says his son almost backed up into the guy. I have no way of knowing if it was an oops or the guy set it up like that. Only the OP can answer that. 2. Despite him having a kid there, it didn’t appear that he was interacting specifically with his kid. 2b) And speaking of that, why is there an assumption that having a kid makes you NOT a pedophile? 3. The conversation seems off. “Do you like ice cream” is a weird conversation for strangers to have with kids. 4. It seems like most of you in this thread have no clue how pedophiles operate. Sure there are some that grab a kid, throw them in the bushes and rape them but others are more subtle - testing boundaries and limits, gaining trust of the kid and/or the parents. The guy sounds like a total predator and if it were my kids I would have informed the police. Maybe I would have secretly taken his picture and gone to talk to the cops but I have no problems with the OP asking for a cop to come to the park and see what’s going on. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/75 "2016-11-29T14:45:46Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I personally don’t like the idea of a world where talking to children in public with their parents watching their every move is a suspicious activity. What exactly is it that you are worried will happen? Sure, if he’s isolating kids or telling them to come to his car or stuff like that. But just talking? And worse - they ignore the threat right in front of them. Just this month [a four-year-old kid drowned in a pool in my neighborhood](http://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/mesa-breaking/2016/11/05/4-year-old-found-unresponsive-murky-mesa-pool/93351700/). No one was watching him, and the pool was “murky” so no one found him until it was too late. One day a few years ago, my wife found an accidentally abandoned 5 year old in front of a house. His folks had a “home alone” brain fart and left him there when they drove away. We could have taken him home, left a note for when they came back. But, because of the paranoia shown by many in this thread, we were afraid to help him, lest someone accuse us of evil doing. So we called the cops, just to protect ourselves. Thanks, paranoids! But keep calling the cops on “strange” guys in parks. Won’t someone think of the children? ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/76 "2016-11-29T15:24:58Z")
After re-reading the OP, I don’t think you over-reacted, you called the non-emergency line to report what you believed was a suspicious person. This is a reasonable response, since you observed the man’s behaviour in more than one interaction with children he did not appear to know. You also initiated a conversation with him that did not alleve your concerns. Did the cops overreact? 3 cruisers!? It would appear so. Were you wrong to call them? No. Were you wrong? Thankfully, it turns out you were… but consider if that were not the case. Any parent of an abducted child would appreciate that someone took the time to notice or report something or someone that seem out of place. I’d also add that being married and/or having children does not exclude people from being rapists, pedophiles, etc… Would I do the same? Not sure, it would depend on my own observations but from what you describe I would definitely have kept an eye on him and made a mental note of his details. > [@Waxwinged](#): > > Am going to be in the minority here, but I don’t think you guys overreacted… his behavior did sound rather odd. What adult willingly engages in conversation with unrelated young kids that they are not in direct responsibility over (teacher, babysitter, etc)? > . I disagree. Most normal people engage with children they are not directly responsible for all the time. Have you never been in a grocery line? ``` I have 3 kids, I work in a school environment, coach baseball and hockey, and volunteer with Beavers and Scouts. I engage with children I know and don't know regularly. I will acknowledge parents and I have boundaries. Kids tend to like me, I'm friendly, kind and funny.. but stern when necessary.I support parents having difficulties with their children and I have no qualms about speaking up when there is inappropriate behaviour or a safety concern. ``` It takes a village to raise a child and all that… ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/77 "2016-11-29T15:57:37Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > But yes, I agree you can’t really trust the cops to respond proportionately, and that is a problem. I’m less likely, these days, to call the cops for a really borderline situation–like a man yelling at his wife in public–because I worry now that they will shoot first and ask questions later. So now we’ve got two forms of modern paranoia going at the same time: adult males are pedophiles till proved otherwise, but if you call the cops they might just come and shoot people, and what if the adult male somehow _isn’t_ a pedophile?!? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![slash2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@slash2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slash2k)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/78 "2016-11-29T16:22:35Z")
> [@Sparky812](#): > > I disagree. Most normal people engage with children they are not directly responsible for all the time. Have you never been in a grocery line? And are those kids’ parents in the grocery line too? See, that’s the thing: when you are in a school environment, or coaching, or working with the Scouts, etc., you are there with the explicit or implicit permission of the parents. When you are talking to random kids in the grocery line, Mom or Dad is most likely right there, and can monitor your interaction. When you are seeking out random kids on the playground, out of direct contact with the parents, then there is at least the possibility that you are testing boundaries: which kids are vulnerable? which ones are trusting? which ones can you groom until they feel safe enough to come somewhere more private than the open playground, and then will keep quiet about that “special game”? If several parents, watching this guy over a period of time, can’t figure out that he’s got a kid with him, then that raises the possibility that he’s not at the playground to interact with his own child. So why is he there? Asking him which kid was his might have allayed suspicions, but maybe even then it should not have, because as others note, the fact that he has a child himself doesn’t mean he can’t be a pedophile. If he is behaving oddly, then he might be socially awkward or he might be a real threat. How do you tell? As for paranoia, there are around 1200-1400 law-enforcement-related homicides a year, but that covers everything from the most egregious abuses to the attacker killed at Ohio State yesterday. Meanwhile, something like 60,000 child sex abuse cases are prosecuted each year (which of course doesn’t count cases where prosecution is declined or the abuse never even reported). Finally, suppose the OP had asked the question and received an answer. Then what? If the guy says he’s there with his child, should OP immediately assume, “oh, everything’s ok”? What if he says he’s not there with his kid? ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/79 "2016-11-29T16:40:59Z")
> [@slash2k](#): > > And are those kids’ parents in the grocery line too? > > See, that’s the thing: when you are in a school environment, or coaching, or working with the Scouts, etc., you are there with the explicit or implicit permission of the parents. When you are talking to random kids in the grocery line, Mom or Dad is most likely right there, and can monitor your interaction. ``` OK sure, but I would also engage with children whether or not their parents or my kids are present in some instances. I wouldn't seek them out but I surely wouldn't feel uncomfortable about it. ``` I think this may be a case of the “suspicious” person being socially unaware of their behaviour and how they are perceived by those around them. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2016, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275/80 "2016-11-29T16:43:43Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > I agree. Just yesterday I was looking out my kitchen window and saw a guy who didn’t look like he belonged in my neighborhood. Just stuck out from all my other neighbors. Made me feel “ooky” so I called the cops on him. That will teach him not to walk around in other neighborhoods! :rolleyes: Yes. You get to do that. If you were satirizing something else, I hope you enjoyed doing so. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-the-right-thing-to-do-calling-cops-on-a-weird-guy/773275.md?page=5)