# Was this (white) woman acting in a unreasonable/racist fashion n this situation? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 9, 2013, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-white-woman-acting-in-a-unreasonable-racist-fashion-n-this-situation/665834 "2013-08-09T20:17:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2013, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-white-woman-acting-in-a-unreasonable-racist-fashion-n-this-situation/665834/121 "2013-08-15T11:27:34Z")
I daresay most 5’4 men would still make mincemeat of any woman in a fight, even one who had ten inches on him. I think for parity of situation you also have to make the guy, say, over 60, and the woman young and active ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2013, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-white-woman-acting-in-a-unreasonable-racist-fashion-n-this-situation/665834/122 "2013-08-15T11:28:22Z")
> [@Dorjan](#): > > Could racism have played a part? Yes. > > Could it have just been defensive behavior when confronted by a large man exhibiting possibly stalkish behavior? Yes. > > The main thing I took from your story was that it wouldn’t have killed you to SPEAK to her, especially after the 2nd time you ran into her. A simple “Oh hey, you again? we must be going to the same place” could have worked wonders in this situation. Re-read the OP. When do you think I had a chance to talk to her before the elevator incident? How do you think I could have gotten such a chance without chasing after her, and thus increasing her fear level? ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2013, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-white-woman-acting-in-a-unreasonable-racist-fashion-n-this-situation/665834/123 "2013-08-15T12:54:06Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > As a woman who walks alone at night a lot, … I definitely do not like anyone behind me, no matter gender or race. My solution to this is to fake a shoe-tying, or to “forget” something that should be in my bag and to need to stop to rummage in it, giving the follower time to get ahead of me. So far, it has worked well. If the person has ill will, they know perfectly well I’m aware they’re up to something, and if they’re oblivious, they go on their way with no awkwardness. > [@Longshanks](#): > > It would have made a lot more sense for you to speed up how fast you were walking and overtake her so that none of that seemingly stalker behavior had a chance to happen. > [@BigT](#): > > … that book “The Gift of Fear” My practical solution to the problem I actually got from Gavin De Beckers book. He suggests something a lot like **SeaDragonTattoo** ’s solution of waiting so the man can walk past you and is no longer “following” you. Only, de Becker suggests that the woman _not_ avert her eyes, (like rummaging in a bag or tying a shoelace).Instead, she should but to stand to the side, and look the man behind her in the eye in a neutral, polite but alert way as he passes her. That way, the woman can get a good view of the man, and can better notice clues as to his behavior. The man also sees that the woman has gotten a good view of his looks (more so then by casting furtive glances over her shoulder) and that alone can work as a deterrent for thugs. A thug will be more put off by a neutral gaze then by a scared one. The woman just let him know that she has her wits together. Besides, even thugs need some intro into the situation, and a running woman is all the intro they need. Also, if a woman has a neutral look instead of an angry or insulted look, that just might work not to sett off emotionally troubled guys, for whom an perceived insult or social rejection is all that it takes to set them off. Finally, that wait-look alert but neutral/polite- and-let-the-guy pass is an appropriate response to the 99,99 percent of man like Skald that have no bad intentions. He can easliy overtake her, give her an polite ignore, or a quick nod or a mumbled “Good evening”, and then passes her so the awkward moment is over. Quickening a womans pace really doesn’t work, as Skalds case illustrated. However much a woman tries to speed up, most men will just walk at a bigger speed, so the the quickening pace just prolongs and worsens the awkward situation **Skald** and his new neighbour were in. So there really already is a response for women that is both sensible, safe, _and_ polite. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2013, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-white-woman-acting-in-a-unreasonable-racist-fashion-n-this-situation/665834/124 "2013-08-15T13:10:16Z")
The womans facial expression should be neutral. Not smiling, as that conveys an invite to social interaction, or nervousness. She should look alert, but not scared or angry. Women should practice that look in the mirror, that face is useful in a lot of situations where you don’t want to engage anyone. I have that face down pat 🙂 [This is a good example of a woman with an neutral, alert look.](http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5178/5509614785_3ce83fa7bf_o.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2013, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-white-woman-acting-in-a-unreasonable-racist-fashion-n-this-situation/665834/125 "2013-08-15T13:20:03Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > When I was younger, this kind of situation pissed me off. I was resentful towards women who acted like I was a predator, and contrarily to **Skald the Rhymer** , I wouldn’t have made the slightest effort to assuage their fears. > > Nowadays, I can understand that fear, and I won’t be offended. They’ve nothing against me personnally, I’m just an anonymous potential threat. Although it happens much less frequently now that I’m closing to 50. Maybe I should be offended by _that_ (“mostly harmless” as in THGTTG). > > By the way, I’m a bit surprised that **Skald** found this situation notable (apart from the serial coincidences). It happened quite frequently to me. Maybe it’s a factor of more often walking to places (I’m thinking of this because it’s often said that American people walk much less than we do). Or maybe **Skald** isn’t an urbanite. It was the serial “coincidences” that made the situation notable. I put the word in quote because, as the resolution of the story made clear, there was a very good reason the woman and I were walking the same route. ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2013, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-white-woman-acting-in-a-unreasonable-racist-fashion-n-this-situation/665834/126 "2013-08-15T14:18:54Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > I daresay most 5’4 men would still make mincemeat of any woman in a fight, even one who had ten inches on him. I think for parity of situation you also have to make the guy, say, over 60, and the woman young and active Interesting perspective! I’m 5’5", and I have always assumed that a woman that much bigger than me could physically dominate me, unless she was rail-thin and / or sickly. And, amusingly, I have been in the same type situation as many in this thread have been – I am white, middle-aged (52), not in good physical shape, and I still provoke an avoidance tactic on the part of some (usually small) women. I have a beard and long hair, though, and perhaps I give off a “creepy” vibe… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-white-woman-acting-in-a-unreasonable-racist-fashion-n-this-situation/665834.md?page=6)