I use the two-sink method. I run the water into a container until it heats up, and I use that water to fill dishes for the pets or to water plants. I also don’t fill both sinks all the way, because the water gets kind of icky after the first couple of rounds, so I like to start over with fresh water. Because the dishwasher holds more than I can wash before the water gets gross, it uses less water overall than I do.
putting all the dishes on the floor and letting pets and toddlers lick clean does the first degriming and saves water too. they also appreciate you for the extra treat.
I just do a quick rinse to get the big stuff off (don’t want to deal with clogging a filter) and the machine seems to take it from there nicely. 
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I use two sinks but rather than fill the rinse sink up and dip I let the washed dishes build up and then rinse them all at once. Wouldn’t a sink of clean rinse water get soapy too quickly?
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How important is it to rinse with hot water? If the soapy water is hot enough you’ve already killed the germs haven’t you? … or does the hot rinse them more effectively? (My wife claims that hot rinse water will dry faster (I’m skeptical)).
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As long as I’m in the dish washing process already I raid the dirty dishwasher for easy bulky items thereby postponing the next time I need to run it.
IMO, it does. That’s why I insist on running water for rinsing.
My own casual observation seems to support your wife’s position.