# "Wassup" with black men? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 6, 2003, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448 "2003-08-06T22:50:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/181 "2003-08-14T18:17:43Z")
Why would I allow them to have a say in my mood, you ask? Well, I don’t. Or I try very, very hard not to let it affect me and I am very successful at it. But when you see a thread full of black people telling you how they act extra nice to strangers and don’t eat fried chicken in public-- shouldn’t that say something about how perfect strangers can and do affect a large number of blacks. Telling me and other blacks that we should just ignore it, shrug it off, not let it bother them, be above such emotions is pure poppycock. Perfect strangers treat you shabbily without even knowing you on a daily basis and the answer is “it shouldn’t bother you”. Yeah, right. =“[http://www.yale.edu/opa/v29.n21/story3.html](http://www.yale.edu/opa/v29.n21/story3.html)”]Here’s Spike Lee’s take on that ‘noble savage’ buisness. [size=1]I agree with Spike Lee. Will wonders never cease![/aize] ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/182 "2003-08-14T18:21:13Z")
Let’s try that link again. Nothing fancy this time. [http://www.yale.edu/opa/v29.n21/story3.html](http://www.yale.edu/opa/v29.n21/story3.html) There you go. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/183 "2003-08-14T18:30:04Z")
So, the “shabby treatment from strangers” thing…does that only come with being black? Or can that apply in other areas? How about being overweight and nerdy? I guess I have no place telling how how you should act when you get shabby treatment from strangers _because you being black_. But as for shabby treatment _in general_ from strangers, I still say grow some skin. I did a long time ago. And, while I’m sure you’re scurrying now to paint me as some emotionless andriod like you did Tax and lez, I assure you it’s not the case. I just don’t waste time with people who aren’t important to me. ---
**Author:** ![TaxGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@TaxGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TaxGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/184 "2003-08-14T18:32:09Z")
> [@](#): > > Telling me and other blacks that we should just ignore it, shrug it off, not let it bother them, be above such emotions is pure poppycock. I’m not telling you what you _should_ do, I’m telling you what you _do_ do. I don’t give a shit how you decide to feel about something, I’m just saying that you are in control of your emotional reactions. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/185 "2003-08-14T19:46:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TaxGuy \* > \*\*I’m not telling you what you _should_ do, I’m telling you what you _do_ do. > > \*\* And what _is_ it that _I_ do **TaxGuy** , that you presume to tell me as if you know me better than I know myself? As if _I_ haven’t told _you_ more than once what it is I do when these situations do occur. Seriously. I stated it more than once. And yes, I see that you really do live in a cold, controlled emotional landscape where you _think_ you have control over your emotional reactions. I’ll admit to having control over my physcal reactions. I control whether I smile, ignore or mug the cowering little old white ladies. I do not have any control over the emotions that I feel when little old white ladies cower in my presence. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TaxGuy \* > \*\*I don’t give a shit how you decide to feel about something, I’m just saying that you are in control of your emotional reactions. \*\* Be careful how you react to a complete strangers words on a message board. Some may think you have no control over your emotional responses. ---
**Author:** ![TaxGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@TaxGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TaxGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/186 "2003-08-14T20:28:44Z")
> [@](#): > > And what is it that I do TaxGuy, that you presume to tell me as if you know me better than I know myself? As if I haven’t told you more than once what it is I do when these situations do occur. Seriously. I stated it more than once. What it is that you do is this: decide to feel “unearned shame” when you see an old white lady look nervous when she sees you. I’m saying that that is what you do. I haven’t said anything about what you should do; you can decide to feel this way if you want to, I’m just pointing out that it is a decision you make and not just the invetible consequence of events outside of your control. You act like your feelings about a situation have the same relationship to the situation as a rock’s relationship to the situation of being thrown from a building, but I don’t believe that’s the case. ---
**Author:** ![Stage\_Manager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stage_manager/32/7267_2.png) [@Stage\_Manager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stage_Manager)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/187 "2003-08-14T20:42:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Biggirl \* > \*\*Oh wait— your a TAX guy. Never mind. \*\* Hey!! As a former Tax Professional™ I take offense to that! Huh? Yeah? It’s a _stereotype_ thread? Oh. Never mind, then. ---
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/188 "2003-08-14T21:27:30Z")
> [@](#): > > _TaxGuy_ > What it is that you do is this: decide to feel “unearned shame” when you see an old white lady look nervous when she sees you. I’m saying that that is what you do. I haven’t said anything about what you should do; you can decide to feel this way if you want to, I’m just pointing out that it is a decision you make and not just the invetible consequence of events outside of your control. Are you seriously arguing that a person can _decide_ what emotion to feel? Why don’t we all just turn our switches permanantly to “Happy” if that were the case? Even the idea of “free will” itself is controversial enough that insisting something as instant and primal as emotion is under our complete control is insane. If you believe that you’re deciding what emotions to feel after each event in your life, you’re deluding yourself. All you’re doing is rationalizing afterwards, or maybe consiously trying to subdue an emotion by distracting yourself. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/189 "2003-08-15T02:07:02Z")
> [@](#): > > You see an old lady cross the street and clutch her purse. You feel shame. If you are clutching old ladies’ purses, you should feel shame! (Unless, of course, you are the old lady to whom the purse belongs.) ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/190 "2003-08-15T02:49:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > **I agree with Taxguy on the “people can’t make you feel things” opinion. You are soley responsible for how you feel. People only have as much control over your feelings and emotions as you let them have. Say I crossed the street when a black guy was walking towards me. The guy doesn’t _know_ why I crossed the street. I could’ve crossed the street for a plethora of reasons. If he feels shame because I did that, that’s on him. He doesn’t know why I did it and I am under no obligation to feel bad for how he feels. His feelings are his responsibility, not mine.** Uh, people cross the street all the time, big deal. But old ladies clutching their purses when they see her. Sorry, but that **does** mean something. And she has every right to feel like she does. > [@](#): > > \*\*It may sound callous, but it’s the harsh truth. Your hangups are just that- _your_ hangups, just as my hangups are mine. I’m not responsible for yours and you’re not responsible for mine. \*\* And I love how you trivialize her feelings as “hang-ups.” Nice. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/191 "2003-08-15T02:53:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lezlers \* > \*\*And before anyone jumps in with the “you don’t know what it’s like!” autoresponse, I’ll disclose that I have had similar experiences. > > I’ve been watched very closely in stores when I’m not dressed particularly well or when my hair has been dyed an off color. I didn’t feel anger towards the cashier or shame for myself. I recognized that the cashiers had their own personal hangups and since I had no intentions of stealing anything, I didn’t have anything to worry about. All they’re doing is wasting their time watching me while the well dressed preppy girl in the corner was robbing them blind. > > _shrug_ \*\* How you dress is for the most part, completely under your control. If you don’t dress well, and people stare at you, it’s because of something you did. If people stare at her, it’s because of nothing she did or can control. There’s a difference. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/192 "2003-08-15T03:10:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sublight \* > \*\*They’re trying to recruit you. It’s part of the black agenda. \*\* That’s bullshit, man. I had black friends try to recruit me in college and I still can’t get a fucking tan. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/193 "2003-08-15T03:20:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mouthbreather \* > \*\*You’re blurring a line where there is a definate distinction. Of course some people can make you feel things. Happy, love, silly, content, angry, remorseful, whatever. But these are (or should be) people that you choose and allow yourself to get close to. That’s when people can effect you. > But a random Joe on the street? Fuck’em. You will likely never see them again or ever speak to them, why allow them to have any say in your mood? \*\* Oversimplification. Yes, there are times you can ignore negative responses, but then again, there are times when they will get to you. Maybe there are some people who can always ignore what strangers think, even if they’re getting treated like shit by strangers on a regular basis, but not everybody can. In fact, anybody who gets treated like shit on a regular basis for the way they are born, even if they get to a point where they can ignore most of it, it’s still going to get to them at times. It’s only human nature ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/194 "2003-08-15T03:34:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mouthbreather \* > \*\*So, the “shabby treatment from strangers” thing…does that only come with being black? Or can that apply in other areas? How about being overweight and nerdy? I guess I have no place telling how how you should act when you get shabby treatment from strangers _because you being black_. > > But as for shabby treatment _in general_ from strangers, I still say grow some skin. I did a long time ago. And, while I’m sure you’re scurrying now to paint me as some emotionless andriod like you did Tax and lez, I assure you it’s not the case. > > I just don’t waste time with people who aren’t important to me. \*\* Ahhh, logic and emotion. They’re too separate things. Yes, one thing that sets us apart from the animals is that we can have logic and reason triumph over emotion. **But** we still have emotions and we can’t **totally** control them. And even though we can keep our feelings under control, we still have them. And if you know how to pick and choose what upsets you, please share the secret with the rest of us. I’d like to know how to turn my feelings on and off like a light bulb. I think most of us would. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/195 "2003-08-15T03:47:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elfkin477 \* > \*\*That’s bullshit, man. I had black friends try to recruit me in college and I still can’t get a fucking tan. :dubious: \*\* I’m pretty white, not tan except for my arms from wearing short sleved shirts. When I was in my teens, people would allways tell me that I needed to get a tan, but I prided myself in not having one, not being like everybody else who had one. Nowadays though, I’ve been thinking of getting one. I’m curious to see how dark my sking can get, but I don’t tan, I burn. A co-worker (yes, there is a point, and I’m getting to it 🙂 ) took a week and a half vacation in mexico and when he came back, his skin is farily dark now. He told me the secret is to use a good sun block, and don’t try to get the tan all at once. Go out a little at a time and build it up. I’m going to try to remember that for when my diet is over and I try to get a tan in public without embarasment 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/196 "2003-08-15T03:48:24Z")
Make that, when my diet is over, and I can go try to get a tan without embarasment. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/197 "2003-08-16T00:17:39Z")
Wow. I totally got misunderstood and since so many of you misunderstood, I’m assuming I didn’t convey my feelings well enough. Sorry about that. I was more referring to people getting angry about how someone else is making them feel. I dated a black guy for a couple of years with a bit of a persecution complex. Anything negative that happened to him was “because I’m black”. He would get upset because he was convinced someone was giving him the hairy eye or some such thing “because I’m black”. It got to be a bit ridiculous. He would insist that people were feeling negative feelings towards him because of his color, when there was little chance they actually were. That’s why I gave the “your hangups are _your_ hangups” argument. I apologize if I came across the wrong way. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/198 "2003-08-16T03:44:02Z")
Weeeellllll. I’ve got one thing to say after our “apagadon”. Everybody’s black in the dark. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/199 "2003-08-16T03:52:09Z")
apagadon? ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448/200 "2003-08-16T05:08:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Joel \* > \*\*apagadon? \*\* Actually it’s “apagon” (apagon=blackout). I’ve got ditgital TV [and the only TV news available to me was channel 41](http://www.univision.com/portal.jhtml), which a Spanish channel here. It’s funny because there are people complaining about the New York centric reporting of this now old news blackout and yet in New York the only place where I could find extensive reporting about it was on Spanish televisiion. Now I need to go to my room and practice not feeling anything when white people judge me without even knowing me. It’s OK. I’ve got a lot of practice and I’m very good at ignoring it. Yay for me. That’s why white people love me so much. I’m not like most of “them”. I know how to hide my anger and hurt so as not to scare them. I can control my emotional responses enough to not be threatening. Apag [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wassup-with-black-men/193448.md?page=11)