# Wasting scammers' time **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 10, 2014, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887 "2014-12-10T21:01:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2014, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/1 "2014-12-10T21:01:58Z")
Scammers call me _every day!_ It used to be ‘Heather’ or ‘Rachel’. Now there’s some scam for ‘seniors’. A new one has the same pitch, but now they’re a ‘law firm’ and Ms. Recording is named ‘Kelley’. These fecal nuggets ignore the Do Not Call list. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if they got a copy and are using it for their phone list! Ha! Anyway, I just got another one… I pressed one and some Indian guy started on his script. I immediately started talking over him. ‘Do you like airplanes?’ ‘I am calling about your credit card…’ 'Yeah, but do you like airplanes? ‘Cause airplanes are really cool. There’s this French jet on eBay right now for $75,000…’ and so on. Like, I just started talking about whatever I saw on my computer screen at the moment… which happened to be planes. And I bounced from one kind of plane to another, based on where my eyes came to rest. The scamster kept trying to steer me back to credit cards, but I kept asking him if he liked planes. I managed to tie up this moron’s time for almost three minutes. Almost three minutes he could have been using stealing money from someone. After I mentioned ‘Credit cards? Oh, I don’t have any credit cards. I don’t believe in them. I pay everything with cash or check,’ he hung up on me. Da _noive_ of him! I think next time I’ll pretend I’m hard of hearing, and see if I can get Mr. Boiler Room to shout into his headset so all of his ‘friends’ can point and laugh at him. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2014, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/2 "2014-12-10T22:34:23Z")
Planning on going all “_Pear pimples for hairy fishnuts!_” on the putz? ---
**Author:** ![BobArrgh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobarrgh/32/2881_2.png) [@BobArrgh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobArrgh)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2014, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/3 "2014-12-11T12:04:04Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > Planning on going all “_Pear pimples for hairy fishnuts!_” on the putz? Just cough up some dough, Mac! (Or something like that … it’s been a long time.) Ah, I loves me some Opus! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2014, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/4 "2014-12-11T14:42:12Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > Planning on going all “_Pear pimples for hairy fishnuts!_” on the putz? > [@BobArrgh](#): > > Ah, I loves me some Opus! Aha. It was some sort of cultural reference. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2014, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/5 "2014-12-11T14:46:05Z")
I’ve been getting calls from the “Warranty Department” for my car, trying to sell me an aftermarket warranty. They’re clearly attempting to insinuate that they are from the manufacturer without stating so. I was home sick the other day and so decided to play with them. Telemarketer: “How many miles are on your car, sir?” Me: “Hmm, let me go check” …set phone down for two minutes…“About 600,000” TM: “Ok, umm, did you say 600,000?” Me: “Yes, 600,000” TM: “Ummm…Isn’t your car a 2013?” Me: “Yes, but I drive a lot. I drove to the moon a couple of times, that really added up” TM: “The moon? Ok, you drove to the moon?” Me: “Yes, it’s lovely in the spring. have you been?” TM: " Ok, I don’t think we can help you, good day!" ---
**Author:** ![DoggyDunnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@DoggyDunnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoggyDunnit)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2014, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/6 "2014-12-11T15:24:40Z")
When I get a call I know is a scammer or a telemarketer, I get them to hang up immediately by replacing “hello” with: “Morton’s Morgue & Restaurant–You Kill 'Em, We Grill 'Em! How may I help you today?” Generally, they do not call back. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2014, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/7 "2014-12-11T15:29:40Z")
I always say, “Oh! I’ve been hoping you’d call! I really need some of that. But can you hang on, just a minute? I’ll be right back.” Then I put down the phone and go about my business. I check back after half an hour. I have yet to have one still waiting for me. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2014, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/8 "2014-12-11T15:51:42Z")
“Aw, man, I’m so glad you called. Can you help me out? I really, really need a job - are you hiring?” ---
**Author:** ![Boogly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Boogly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogly)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/9 "2014-12-12T07:29:37Z")
If you have their caller ID and visitors: Friend; ‘This is ‘name’?’ Teleshit; ‘Uh, yeah.’ Friend; ‘Subjects are down but you need to call in a clean up crew.’ Teleshit; ‘?’ Friend; ‘I expect remaining payment within 24 hours or you will see me soon.’ Hang up. Next call, pull a Tom Mabe. I like your yelling idea…get some power tool close to the phone to act like you are in a loud environment and yell at him as loud as you can. Bonus points for ‘misheard’ questions. Teleshit: ‘Do you have a credit card?’ You: ‘I HIT IT HARD WHEN I HAVE VIAGRA!!!’ ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/10 "2014-12-12T12:25:01Z")
Most of these waste your time too. I got one the other night that went: Me: Hello TM: How are you today? Me:Whadja want? TM: Click ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/11 "2014-12-12T12:36:25Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Aha. It was some sort of cultural reference. [Pear pimples for hairy fishnuts.](http://www.berkeleybreathed.com/Images/fav_strip1_full.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/12 "2014-12-12T13:04:18Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > I always say, “Oh! I’ve been hoping you’d call! I really need some of that. But can you hang on, just a minute? I’ll be right back.” > > Then I put down the phone and go about my business. I check back after half an hour. I have yet to have one still waiting for me. That’s what I used to do, exactly! Oh, yes, I’m _very_ interested! I’m on another call right now - let me end it and I’ll get back to you in a second." Then put the phone down and walk away. 😃 I haven’t had a landline for years. Don’t miss the sales and robo-calls one bit. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/13 "2014-12-12T13:11:35Z")
Here’s one from notalwaysworking: > [@](#): > > Scammer: “This is [Name] from Microsoft. We have noticed that your PC has a virus.” > > Me: “I don’t have a police constable.” > > Scammer: “No! No, your WINDOWS PC. It has a virus.” > > Me: “I still don’t have a police constable. Certainly not one with a cold, in my window.” > > Scammer: “NO! Your PC! Your Windows computer!” > > Me: “But I don’t have a computer in my window.” > > Scammer: “NO! The computer you are using! It runs a program called Windows! It has a virus!” > > Me: “My window has a virus?” > > Scammer: “NO! THE COMPUTER! It has downloaded a virus from the internet!” > > Me: “Oh! I wonder how it did that.” > > Scammer: “Right! We can fix that for you.” > > Me: “But my computer doesn’t have any windows in it. How did it catch the virus?” > > Scammer: “No, it’s the program that runs the computer. It’s called Windows!” > > Me: “No, it isn’t.” > > Scammer: “Yes! It’s what makes the computer work!” > > Me: “No, it doesn’t!” > > Scammer: “Well, what do you think makes your computer work, then?” > > Me: “OS X!” > > (The scammer hangs up!) > **[Working Stories - Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com](https://notalwaysright.com/working/)** > > Bad boss and coworker stories ---
**Author:** ![AnthonyElite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@AnthonyElite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnthonyElite)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/14 "2014-12-12T14:06:56Z")
If it’s a woman scammer I will act as though I’m terribly interested in their life. Excuse me…but where are you based out of? Seattle Oh…isn’t it depressing there with all the rain? Not so bad, but anyway are you interested in a credit card? Very interested, but would you recommend Seattle for a vacation? Oh yes there’s plenty to do here! …about that credit card Could I possibly stay with you? Like do you rent out rooms? Oh, and yeah just sign me up for the card Certainly, I’ll just need your full name, social, addre What do you need my social security number for if I’m renting a room at your place? No, sir, for the credit card. Slow down here, I handle one piece of business at a time. Let’s get this rental squared away first Click ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/15 "2014-12-12T14:50:43Z")
> [@Boogly](#): > > If you have their caller ID Their phone numbers are always spoofed. Always. > [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > Most of these waste your time too. A little, but I received (and will receive, when they call again) the benefit of having an outlet for my various personae. With working at home most of the time, just me and the boss in the department when I’m in the office, and an SO who thinks my characterisations are stupid, it’s hard to be a Deaf Old Man or Confused Old Man or Working Class Brit or ADHD Squirrel or Creepy Pervert or Peter Lorre or… Wasting thieves’ time pisses them off, and that’s worth my time. > [@chiroptera](#): > > I haven’t had a landline for years. I only get these calls on my mobile phone. ---
**Author:** ![AnthonyElite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@AnthonyElite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnthonyElite)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/16 "2014-12-12T15:25:25Z")
Oh, another is you can practice singing! I usually stick to Beatles songs as I know the words so well and the vocals are in my range. I’m not very good but they are patient 😃 ---
**Author:** ![mind\_the\_gap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ea666f/32.png) [@mind\_the\_gap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mind_the_gap)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/17 "2014-12-12T15:33:55Z")
This thread got me laughing about a call I got some years back. I was expecting a call from a buddy regarding his coming over to do some work on his motorcycle, the phone rang and I picked up and answered “Gap’s Harley Shop” in a very loud and “macho” voice. Turned out to be an Earnest Young Man selling some product for septic tank “health”. Supposed to keep you from having the honey bucket truck make frequent visits. I answered “Hell boy, we piss in the weeds around here!” in the same voice. Earnest Young Man gulped, stammered and meekly said he didn’t suppose I’d need ABC company’s product. I laughed for 5 minutes. Still get a sales call once in a while on my cell, probably because it’s my only phone. mind the gap ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/18 "2014-12-12T15:41:41Z")
Scammers Live in Vain ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/19 "2014-12-12T15:43:01Z")
> [@mind\_the\_gap](#): > > Still get a sales call once in a while… I don’t mind actual sales calls so much. Since both phones are on the DNC list, I rarely get them. But the Heather/Rachael/Kelley calls are total scams. They call phones that are on the DNC list. They won’t _stop_ calling, even when you tell them not to. They’re not actually selling a product; they’re trying to steal money from gullible people. (I am particularly sensitive to this, since scammers got to my father after his traumatic brain injury. Fortunately, the credit union returned his money and wrote the loss off as fraud.) As irritating as sales calls are, they’re just people making a living. The calls I’m talking about are the fraudsters, who _know_ they’re stealing from people and just don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![JerrySTL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e274bd/32.png) [@JerrySTL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerrySTL)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887/20 "2014-12-12T16:51:55Z")
Before this November I was getting constant calls from the biggest scammers of all in the USA: Politicians. Nice how they excluded themselves from the Do Not Call law! Most are robo calls with a recording so no way to screw with them. I bought one of these and it works! > **[Amazon.com: CPR V100K Spam Call Blocker for Landline Phones – Stop All Unwanted...](https://www.amazon.com/CPR-V100K-Call-Blocker-Landline/dp/B0B8ZKTCJ9)** > > Buy CPR V100K Spam Call Blocker for Landline Phones – Stop All Unwanted Calls at a Touch of a Button - Scam Call Blocker for Home Phones: Caller ID Displays - Amazon.com ✓ FREE DELIVERY possible on eligible purchases [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wasting-scammers-time/706887.md?page=2)