# Wayne Lapierre invents new fortune cookie meme **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 15, 2013, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054 "2013-03-15T22:28:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2013, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/1 "2013-03-15T22:28:52Z")
WP’s response to Sandy Hook: " The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun" Now he’s come out with this: “The one thing a violent rapist deserves is to face is a good woman with a gun!” Everything this guy says ends with “with a gun.” This is worth replacing the aging gag of adding “in bed” to the end of every fortune cookie fortune [A quickly Googled list yeilds](http://joshmadison.com/2008/04/20/fortune-cookie-fortunes/): A golden egg of opportunity falls into your lap this month. (with a gun) Advice is like kissing. It costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do. (with a gun) For hate is never conquered by hate. Hate is conquered by love. (with a gun) ---
**Author:** ![Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunzio_Tavulari)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2013, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/2 "2013-03-15T23:50:38Z")
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness (with a warm gun). ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/3 "2013-03-16T00:27:42Z")
A soft voice may be awfully persuasive…WITH A GUN! Now is a good time to finish up old tasks…WITH A GUN! Every wise man started out by asking many questions…WITH A GUN! Failure is the chance to do better next time…WITH A GUN! Say hello to others…WITH A GUN! You will have a happier day. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/4 "2013-03-16T00:31:50Z")
Let a smile be your umbrella … _with a gun_. ---
**Author:** ![LawMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@LawMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LawMonkey)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/5 "2013-03-16T00:47:56Z")
My favorite fortune cookie fortune, which I carried in my wallet for several years, was: You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life (with a gun). ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/6 "2013-03-16T01:19:28Z")
The greatest love is self-love… WITH A GUN. ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/7 "2013-03-16T01:23:32Z")
Each day, compel yourself to do something you would rather not do… _with a gun._ It is better to deal with problems before they arise… _with a gun._ Now is the time to go ahead and pursue that love interest _with a gun!_ People find it difficult to resist your persuasive manner… _with a gun._ You desire recognition and you will find it… _with a gun._ Your life will get more and more exciting… _with a gun._ ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/8 "2013-03-16T01:28:33Z")
Maybe this could be moved to The Game Room… with a gun. Brandy is dandy, but liquor is quicker… with a gun. Blondes have more fun… with a gun. 'Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all… with a gun. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today… with a gun. There’s more then one way to kill a cat… with a gun. There’s a sucker born every minute… with a gun. Behind every great man there’s a woman… with a gun. Live free or die… with a gun. All good things must come to a past… with a gun. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/9 "2013-03-16T01:28:47Z")
Sing like nobody’s listening… _with a gun_. Dance like nobody’s watching… _with a gun_. Love like you’ve never been hurt… _with a gun_. ---
**Author:** ![Student\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/10 "2013-03-16T05:07:52Z")
The worst fortune I ever got in a cookie somehow becomes even worse: You will soon fall and never get back up… with a gun. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/11 "2013-03-16T05:17:46Z")
Help! I’m trapped inside a Chinese bakery…with a gun. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/12 "2013-03-16T06:04:21Z")
Four score and seven years ago (with a gun) Our fathers brought forth on this continent (with a gun) A new nation conceived in liberty (with a gun) And dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal (with a gun) ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/13 "2013-03-16T06:16:48Z")
Since Catholics are in the news. Pater noster, qui es in caelis, with a gun… or maybe In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ I will begin this day, with a gun ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/14 "2013-03-16T12:10:34Z")
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you with a gun Now I lay me down to sleep with a gun 90s song titles: I’ll Make Love to You with a gun Stay (I Missed You with a gun) Sunny Came Home with a gun I Wish My Baby was Born with a gun Come to My Window with a gun Somehow I don’t think LaPierre would object to any of these. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/15 "2013-03-16T12:38:58Z")
Fighting ignorance since 1973… with a gun. ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/16 "2013-03-16T15:00:46Z")
Think three times, measure twice, and cut once… with a gun. ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/17 "2013-03-16T15:02:34Z")
I dunno, I don’t see it working for everything. “You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun, than you can with just a kind word… with a gun”. :dubious: “You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun, than you can with just a kind word… in bed.” still works. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/18 "2013-03-16T15:13:27Z")
If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill the Buddha … with a gun. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/19 "2013-03-16T15:30:00Z")
Back away from individuals who are impulsive…_with a gun_. That’s actually really good advice. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2013, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054/20 "2013-03-16T19:45:01Z")
The pen is mightier than the sword with a gun. I don’t know about that, a sword with a gun sounds pretty bad ass. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wayne-lapierre-invents-new-fortune-cookie-meme/653054.md?page=2)