# Ways to not come out of the closet. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 27, 2001, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284 "2001-08-27T05:12:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/1 "2001-08-27T05:12:08Z")
- During your brother’s wedding reception. - During a major holiday, especially Thanksgiving. - To your ex boyfriend by saying “It was all your fault.” ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/2 "2001-08-27T05:30:07Z")
-The Goodyear Blimp at the Super Bowl -When your nuclear power plant is about to explode (Courtesy of Smithers and Mr. Burns-“Thanks for making my last moments on earth socially awkward.”) -A message in cake icing -Singing telegram ---
**Author:** ![jonfromdenver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/82dd89/32.png) [@jonfromdenver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jonfromdenver)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/3 "2001-08-27T05:36:26Z")
-during your wedding to a member of the opposite sex -during your son’s barmitzvah ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/4 "2001-08-27T05:37:42Z")
I always thought a singing telegram would be _the_ way to go… But on my Not To Do list… -At a titty bar. (“Actually, Greg, I’m not into all this. How about we go make out at my place?”) -Skywriting. -In the locker room. -By actually bursting out of a closet. In a tutu. ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/5 "2001-08-27T05:52:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*- To your ex boyfriend by saying “It was all your fault.” \*\* No. But telling that to the ex boyfriend’s friends would be funny. “No, no. David turned me completely off men.” ---
**Author:** ![Mercutio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Mercutio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercutio)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/6 "2001-08-27T06:00:18Z")
During a bris! “Oi! I nearly lost a schmeckle and a whoopish in it all!” ;j ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/7 "2001-08-27T06:22:53Z")
[ul][li]While your mother is going through menopause.[/li][li]While telling your parents you’re changing majors from something butch to something artsy-fartsy.[/ul][/li] I did both of those things. Oy. Took years to get past it. On the other hand, if I really wanted to get to my dad, I could easily have said, “Dad, remember all those times when I wanted to play catch and you said you were too busy? _It’s all your fault!_” 😉 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Beltane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@Beltane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beltane)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/8 "2001-08-27T11:49:53Z")
How about by means of a phone call to your mother from the police informing her that you (a teenager at the time) were arrested for sodomy in a parked car in a public park? (Didn’t happen to me but did happen to an acquaintance of mine. The guy had a southern Baptist fundie mom to boot) ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/9 "2001-08-27T12:41:46Z")
Good thread **andygirl**. I’ve always felt that if I had a child who was gay, I wouldn’t want the kid to come out in the typical “Thanksgiving Dinner Scenario”. I would hope that any child of mine would do it with a little style and creativity. Like on a roller coaster. Just as we get to the big drop he or she can say “Dad, I’m gay.” Then we can both go “Yeeeehhhhaaaa” while holding our hands over our heads. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/10 "2001-08-27T13:06:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > > - To your ex boyfriend by saying “It was all your fault.” There are times when I really wish that everyone knew this advice. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/11 "2001-08-27T13:34:00Z")
During your own wedding reception. In the delivery room. During your child’s birthday party. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/12 "2001-08-27T14:51:26Z")
After your father has awakened after major heart surgery. On the other hand if he’s going the have another heart attack maybe that’s the best place for it. Marc ---
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/13 "2001-08-27T15:05:06Z")
In 1995 I moved back to Atlanta. My best friend and I found an apartment to share and signed a contract. Then, a couple of days later he called me up: HE: There’s something you should know about me before we share an apartment. Now, I’m thinking he’s going to say “I leave the lid off the ketchup” or “I always drink the last beer” or something like that, so I decided to make a joke of it and guess the single least likely thing possible. **Fiver** : What? (snort) Are you gay? HE: (amazed pause) Yes! Then the conversation went into a confused phase, where he thought I’d figured it out on my own and I thought he was just playing along with the joke. Took several minutes to sort it out. I was one of the first people he came out to. We were roommates for the next three years, so whenever he came out to anyone after that their first question was always, “Oh, so you and **Fiver** …?” and he’d hasten to add, “No, no! Just roommates!” Doesn’t really conform to the OP, I guess, but it’s a fun story so I like sharing it. ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/14 "2001-08-27T15:16:25Z")
Standing on a table at your local Biker Bar. On stage at a KKK rally. At the podium of a function sponsored by the Republican National Committee. Anyplace within earshot of guys named “Tiny”, “Meathook”, or “Bubba”. ---
**Author:** ![ThisYearsGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@ThisYearsGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisYearsGirl)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/15 "2001-08-27T15:46:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ballybay \* > \*\*-When your nuclear power plant is about to explode (Courtesy of Smithers and Mr. Burns-“Thanks for making my last moments on earth socially awkward.”) > \*\* Actually, I think this is when they thought the rapture was occuring, when they found the skeleton of the angel. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/16 "2001-08-27T16:07:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MrVisible \* > \*\*-By actually bursting out of a closet. In a tutu. \*\* Actually, this is one of the top 10 BEST ways to do it. And it’s hilarious to boot. ---
**Author:** ![nonsequitur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@nonsequitur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nonsequitur)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/17 "2001-08-27T16:25:37Z")
Moms have a special way out - Having your mom try to set up you (her daughter) on a lesbian double date with her. “I know this girl that you have sooo much in common with. Did I mention she’s a pinch hitter?” Matchmaker, matchmaker… ---
**Author:** ![NotWithoutRage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NotWithoutRage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotWithoutRage)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/18 "2001-08-27T17:36:26Z")
Never never never come out to someone in the car, when you’ve got a 3 hour drive ahead of you. Bad, bad idea. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/19 "2001-08-27T18:13:17Z")
When you are 90 years old and on your death bed ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/20 "2001-08-27T18:39:28Z")
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