# Ways to not come out of the closet. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 27, 2001, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284 "2001-08-27T05:12:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/21 "2001-08-27T18:49:32Z")
> [@](#): > > Better late than never, right? D\*mn straight. It would’ve caused a lot less head scratching if Mrs. Tranq’s uncle told his family _before_ he died of ARC at the age of 71. Everyone’s _still_ trying to figure out how long he was infected, who he got it from, and when he had an _oportunity_ to get AIDS (not nuch non-family private time in his life). No one knew until the autopsy came back. The doctors couldn’t figure out why a robust man of his age should fail to respond to the prompt treatment of pnemonia. (No one else has tested positive) ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/22 "2001-08-27T19:04:11Z")
- In song, while wearing full drag, with a backup chorus of scantily-clad guys behind you. 😉 Not that I’ve ever done it, mind. But the subject just begged this image into being. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/23 "2001-08-27T19:04:46Z")
My friend knows a story (I am pretty sure it happened in real life, but it might of been from a movie or something) where a man decides to come out at Thanksgiving dinner. He looked at his mom and said “Please pass the turkey to the homosexual”. His mom looked at him funny, and passed the turkey to his DAD. Hours of fighting ensued. That same friend, Mike, actually chose the best possible way to come out. He was my best friend’s college roomate. On the first day of school, as we all moved into dorms, my friend and Mike went around meeting people. On the second day, my friend and a lot of the people we know (all of us straight) decided to go the gay/lesbian/bisexual/etc reception in order to support friends, eat yummy food and dance. Imagine our surprise when we saw Mike there, too. It took us a while to understand that Mike was at the reception because he was gay. It ends up that the reception was the first event that Mike had ever been to “out”. He must have been rather amazed to see that almost every single person that he had met the day before was there, too! It certainly quelled his fears about coming out to his roomate. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/24 "2001-08-27T21:27:27Z")
- In a car in heavy traffic - Over morning announcements at your high school - By forgetting what time your parents are coming home and having them walk in on you and the S.O. even sven, that Thanksgiving story is part of the routine of a gay comedian. Possibly Bob Smith. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/25 "2001-08-27T21:33:30Z")
In your high school football team’s locker room right after the Big Game. In response to Connie Chung’s question about whether you were having an affair with an intern. When the hard-boiled dame in the cheap detective story is trying to seduce you so you’ll help her pull off the big heist. ---
**Author:** ![Beltane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@Beltane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beltane)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/26 "2001-08-27T21:35:09Z")
Even Sven, your story about Mike really made me feel good. I love happy coming out stories. I opened [this thread](http://216.33.236.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=c3acc835ac9ce7ceaf9d76c7bd80a708&lat=998945641&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fboards%2estraightdope%2ecom%2fsdmb%2fshowthread%2ephp%3fthreadid%3d83883) in response to it. ---
**Author:** ![Beltane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@Beltane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beltane)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/27 "2001-08-27T21:42:02Z")
ARRGHHHHHH!!! I opened a thread on the basis of something ripped from a comedian??? gosh dang it to heck. I am such a putz ---
**Author:** ![Beltane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@Beltane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beltane)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/28 "2001-08-27T21:46:46Z")
Well I just recieved via e-mail the following joke-- it seemed to fit the topic… > [@](#): > > A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman “Give me six double > vodkas.” > > The barman says “Wow! You must have had one hell of a day.” > > “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.” > > The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same > drinks. > When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came > back, > “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!” > > On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six > double > vodkas. > > The bartender says “Geez! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?” > > "Yeah, my wife… " ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/29 "2001-08-27T22:00:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*- By forgetting what time your parents are coming home and having them walk in on you and the S.O. > \*\* This actually happened to my best friend in high school, during our Senior year. It really threw her parents off because she had been dating boys pretty much until a few months before this happened. It took them a long time for them to recover after that. ---
**Author:** ![Beltane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@Beltane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beltane)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/30 "2001-08-27T22:55:05Z")
[hanging head in shame] er uh I mean to say [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=84004) [/hanging head in shame] ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2001, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/31 "2001-08-27T23:46:43Z")
Story about Mike -\> real Thanksgiving story -\> ripped from comedian I’ll offer: - after getting that internship for Senator Helms - while being proposed to ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/32 "2001-08-28T01:25:29Z")
During a body cavity search. In front of the entire prison population at dinnertime. On the Howard Stern Radio Program. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/33 "2001-08-28T01:41:41Z")
(my friend Jeremey’s experiance): It is not a good idea to leave love letters from your boyfriend around your bedroom on laundry day. On the other hand, I had a friend who desperately TRIED to passively come out. Rainbow stickers everywhere, enough triangles to make her room look like some bizaare geometery proof. Eventually she broke down and TOLD them. Her father didn’t talk to her for months. And last, but not least: this random guy I met in New York: “I just told her: Mom, Merry Christmas. I smoke. Happy New Year. I’m gay. She was so pissed off about the smoking, that she pretty much blew the gay thing off.” So take up smoking, all you closeted dopers! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/34 "2001-08-28T01:49:44Z")
During your wedding, when the Minister gets to the “LEt him speak now or forever hold his peace” part. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/35 "2001-08-28T02:43:46Z")
While accepting your nomination for President. Better yet, during your inauguration. Immediatly after sex with a member of the opposite sex: “How was it for you?” “I’m gay.” Right before you go over the top to take out that German machine gun nest. Over your highschool PA. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/36 "2001-08-28T03:17:02Z")
Yes, it was Bob Smith. “I came out to my family at Thanksgiving dinner. I said, ‘Mom, please pass the gravy to a homosexual.’ She passed it to my father. A terrible scene ensued.” 😃 Also classic Bob Smith: “I experimented with heterosexuality in college - I slept with a straight guy. But I was _really_ drunk.” Funny Gay Males is the comedy troupe. Classic stuff. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/37 "2001-08-28T05:29:49Z")
In the college newspaper before you tell any of your friends, and due to stupid editors have it appear the same week that Ellen came out on TV. That is how a friend of mine came out. It took a while for a few to forgive him for not telling them directly. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/38 "2001-08-28T06:18:48Z")
- while watching porn with your best friend ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/39 "2001-08-28T15:03:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miller \* > \*\*While accepting your nomination for President. > > Better yet, during your inauguration.\*\* I was _gonna_ say during your first “State of the Union” address, but **Miller** got me beat. Try during your live post-game interview after winning a national championship. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284/40 "2001-08-28T15:13:28Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Olentzero \* \*\* > [@](#): > > Try during your live post-game interview after winning a national championship. \*\* Now that your team has won the World Series/Super Bowl/Stanley Cup, what are you going to do? I’m coming out of the closet. That will go really good with those folks at Disney World! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-to-not-come-out-of-the-closet/78284.md?page=3)