# Ways you've messed with a telephone scam artist

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-youve-messed-with-a-telephone-scam-artist/686367>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [April 17, 2014, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-youve-messed-with-a-telephone-scam-artist/686367 "2014-04-17T21:57:55Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 9\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\
**Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-youve-messed-with-a-telephone-scam-artist/686367/61 "2014-05-11T18:39:36Z")

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nm

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**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\
**Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-youve-messed-with-a-telephone-scam-artist/686367/62 "2014-05-11T20:58:19Z")

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I tried to play the ‘meow’ game with one scammer but I am just not good enough at it.

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**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\
**Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-youve-messed-with-a-telephone-scam-artist/686367/63 "2014-05-11T22:48:00Z")

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This isn’t real-time messing with the scammers, but for a long time I had my answering message _only_ in Esperanto. For some reason, telemarketers and scammers never left a message… 🙂

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**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\
**Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-youve-messed-with-a-telephone-scam-artist/686367/64 "2014-05-11T23:29:20Z")

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We get the PC/Windows virus calls a lot, a few things I’ve done:

[ul]  
[li]Put my 3 year old on the phone “…say ‘Hi!’ to the nice man from India.”[/li][li]Old-man voice: “This isn’t a scam is it? I’m retired and quite poor and I can’t afford to lose any money.” After the inevitable “No, your PC has a virus.” response I will tell them to think about their parents getting robbed.[/li][li]“You’re getting readings from my PC now?” 'Yes sir." (pause) “OK, how about now?” “Yes, we’re still seeing that your PC has a virus.” “But I just disconnected it from the internet.”[/li][li]“Hey there, how is the weather in Pakistan today?” \<-- this got me sworn at. :)[/li][li]“This is an ACSI\* line. All calls are traced and recorded.”[/li][li]Have some Abraham Simpson stories printed on a sheet of paper near the phone - [/li][QUOTE]  
"This phone call reminds me of the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. “Give me five bees for a quarter,” you’d say.

Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…  
[/QUOTE]  
and on and on…  
[/ul]

\*Australian Commonwealth Security Investigation - a non-existant organisation.

Out of curiosity I did once go through the entire scam with the guy, including sitting at my PC and typing random things on my keyboard so he could hear the keys clicking (I could just about hear him doing the victory dance when we got to the final stage).

“OK, I just typed in the web-page address and my computer popped up a message saying… that I would be one of the dumbest people in the world for falling for this scam. Fuck you! Don’t call again!”

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**Author:** ![jasg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@jasg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasg)\
**Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-youve-messed-with-a-telephone-scam-artist/686367/65 "2014-05-12T02:33:37Z")

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Not a scam but after endless calls trying to get me re-subscribe to the local paper, they stopped calling when I told them that since my parrot died I had no need for the paper.

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**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\
**Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-youve-messed-with-a-telephone-scam-artist/686367/66 "2015-01-31T20:32:58Z")

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If you get the call at home, just give the phone to a convenient 3 or 4 year old and tell her that Santa Claus called and wants to talk to her.

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**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\
**Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-youve-messed-with-a-telephone-scam-artist/686367/67 "2015-01-31T21:28:17Z")

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Since I last posted, I did [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=740219).

Still wish I knew of a way to hurt those folks at Credit Services.

Regards,  
Shodan

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**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\
**Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-youve-messed-with-a-telephone-scam-artist/686367/68 "2015-02-01T06:37:53Z")

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I do wonder sometimes just how pathetic of lives those people in foreign countries must be to have to work for a telemarketing company whom they know is a scam.

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**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\
**Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ways-youve-messed-with-a-telephone-scam-artist/686367/69 "2015-02-01T15:26:00Z")

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> [@seal\_cleaner](#):
>
> If money is involved, I always say, “You need to talk to the Foundation. Only they can authorize disbursements.” My best (I think I posted this years ago) was back when you got telemarketers calling trying to sell you long-distance service. “No, sorry, I don’t have a phone…”

I used to use the " I don’t have a phone" line regularly.

When we got telemarketing calls at work I’d say " Oh, this is our sales office - all purchasing ( or requests for donations ) are handled through our corporate office. Then I’d give them the phone number of a competing business located on our block.

And I felt absolutely no guilt about this, because the store down the block was owned by a total ass - once when our store was closed for a religious holiday he posted a sign on the door of our business directing customers to his address.

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