# "We aren't" != "You are" **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [October 3, 2018, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367 "2018-10-03T13:24:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/1 "2018-10-03T13:24:39Z")
This warning is ridiculously unfair. Seriously? Saying “At least we aren’t being jerks. . .” is _not at all the same_ as saying “You are a jerk.” I did not insult anybody. I did invite him to try the shoe on and see if it fit. He felt it didn’t, and I let it go. A _WARNING_ for that? Please reconsider. [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21243942&postcount=981](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21243942&postcount=981) ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/2 "2018-10-03T13:32:09Z")
Sorry, I read that as indicating that the other person _is_ being a jerk and trying to stifle the conversation. In my opinion as a moderator, the warning was clearly warranted. ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/3 "2018-10-03T14:10:55Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I did invite him to try the shoe on and see if it fit. He felt it didn’t, and I let it go. So if I replied “Maybe you’re a jerk?” to someone that should be fine? I’m only inviting them to try the shoe on, aren’t I? ---
**Author:** ![HurricaneDitka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/96bed5/32.png) [@HurricaneDitka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HurricaneDitka)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/4 "2018-10-03T14:14:10Z")
I agree with Colibri. Seems like a pretty transparent attempt to skirt the edge of the no-name-calling rule. Sometimes people fly too close to the sun and get their wings singed. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/5 "2018-10-03T14:17:12Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > This warning is ridiculously unfair. Seriously? Saying “At least we aren’t being jerks. . .” is _not at all the same_ as saying “You are a jerk.” Oh, come now, of course it is! The unspoken but clearly implied words that weren’t added on the end are, “like you”. You: “That dress doesn’t look good on you.” Me: “Maybe so, but at least I’m not ugly.” What did I REALLY just say? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/6 "2018-10-03T14:27:03Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > This warning is ridiculously unfair. Seriously? Saying “At least we aren’t being jerks. . .” is _not at all the same_ as saying “You are a jerk.” > > I did not insult anybody. I did invite him to try the shoe on and see if it fit. He felt it didn’t, and I let it go. > > A _WARNING_ for that? > > Please reconsider. > > [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21243942&postcount=981](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21243942&postcount=981) I saw it the same way as the mod. It was clearly a backhanded swipe at the poster you quoted. In particular, since the second line of your post is clearly speaking directly to the poster in a critical way. There is no ambiguity as to who your comment was calling out. Here is the full comment: > [@Better Call Saul: Season IV](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-call-saul-season-iv/818792/958): > > Well, at least I kept _my_ assertions to under novel-length. > [@Better Call Saul: Season IV](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/better-call-saul-season-iv/818792/983): > > Well, at least we aren’t being jerks or trying to stifle the conversation. By all means, start a “BCS/talk to me in one-liners” thread. ---
**Author:** ![GreysonCarlisle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a87d85/32.png) [@GreysonCarlisle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreysonCarlisle)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/7 "2018-10-03T16:44:39Z")
I could see a case for _That was really mild as far as insults go, and I didn’t mean it like that_. But _It wasn’t an insult at all_ just doesn’t have legs. It was really mild, and maybe you didn’t mean it to be insulting, so I don’t know if it merited (on its own) a full-on warning. Unless you have a history, you’d be better off pleading for leniency just this once. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/8 "2018-10-03T18:12:54Z")
I’ll back up my fellow moderators. That’s an insult, my friend. Seriously, a shot like that in Cafe Society? ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/9 "2018-10-03T19:25:56Z")
I really WAS blessing his heart! ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/10 "2018-10-03T20:39:45Z")
Add me to the chorus: if you genuinely didn’t mean that as an implied insult, you need to double-check nearly everything you write, because the message that comes through screamingly clear is that you mean to say that Bryan is being a jerk and trying to stifle conversation. If that’s not what you meant, what on earth is the point of bringing up “trying to stifle conversation” in that context? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/11 "2018-10-03T21:12:38Z")
Maybe she meant “at least we _Dopers_ aren’t being jerks or trying to stifle conversation _like those sad losers on that other website that I now mention spontaneously and who have nothing whatsoever to do with Bryan’s comment that I just quoted_.” ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2018, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/12 "2018-10-04T02:19:24Z")
I’ll agree, too. And I tend to think the mods will read insults into things that are just attacking the post. What is the alternate interpretation? Who are you saying is being a jerk? “We” aren’t, so someone else must be, or “at least” makes no sense. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2018, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/13 "2018-10-04T02:44:06Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > Sorry, I read that as indicating that the other person _is_ being a jerk and trying to stifle the conversation. In my opinion as a moderator, the warning was clearly warranted. +1 ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2018, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/14 "2018-10-04T13:24:40Z")
As I was reading the thread and came across it I thought it was entirely out of place in CS because it was an insult. Also curious who “we” were. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2018, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/15 "2018-10-04T15:14:39Z")
> [@Isosleepy](#): > > As I was reading the thread and came across it I thought it was entirely out of place in CS because it was an insult. Also curious who “we” were. OK, I’m really ready to let this go. But I’ll clarify these two points because people have asked: “We” as I referenced it was “those of us you are attempting to shame/hush, the people who are making long posts because we are interested in this show/discussion.” The continuum as I see it: “You **are** a jerk!” = insult “You **are being** a jerk” = not insult “You **are acting like** a jerk” = not insult But whatever. This is not the hill I wish to die on. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2018, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/16 "2018-10-04T15:39:35Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > OK, I’m really ready to let this go. But I’ll clarify these two points because people have asked: > > “We” as I referenced it was “those of us you are attempting to shame/hush, the people who are making long posts because we are interested in this show/discussion.” > > The continuum as I see it: > > “You **are** a jerk!” = insult > > “You **are being** a jerk” = not insult > > “You **are acting like** a jerk” = not insult > > But whatever. This is not the hill I wish to die on. This sounds a lot like “How can I call him a jerk and get away with it” to me. ---
**Author:** ![Crazy\_Canuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazy_canuck/32/5282_2.png) [@Crazy\_Canuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazy_Canuck)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2018, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/17 "2018-10-04T17:45:42Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > “You **are** a jerk!” = insult > > “You **are being** a jerk” = not insult Maybe I’m just being thicker than usual, but how does a verb magically make that sentence not an insult? That “logic” makes absolutely no sense to me. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2018, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/18 "2018-10-04T17:55:19Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > OK, I’m really ready to let this go. But I’ll clarify these two points because people have asked: > > “We” as I referenced it was “those of us you are attempting to shame/hush, the people who are making long posts because we are interested in this show/discussion.” > > The continuum as I see it: > > “You **are** a jerk!” = insult > > “You **are being** a jerk” = not insult > > “You **are acting like** a jerk” = not insult > > But whatever. This is not the hill I wish to die on. Each of those sentences starts with “you”. The word jerk is being attached to the person (I’m oversimplfying a bit, I know). In comparison: That post came off jerkish That was a jerky thing to say Applies “jerk” to the action, not the person. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2018, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/19 "2018-10-04T19:44:11Z")
If I may, the distinction the OP is proposing, if accepted as noninsulting by definition, just invites the use of: “Well, at least _I’m_ not being a [_XXX_] about it.” There’s no reason “we are” can’t be replaced with “I am” and no reason _XXX_ can’t be any of {bitch, motherfucker, asshole…}. If that’s all it takes to bypass the “no insult” rule, the rule is mooted. It’s not even too far removed from saying “I have absolutely no desire to murder the following people,” then naming everybody except one person. The intent in either case is fairly obvious, and if one wants to claim that this is not _literally_ a threat and the OP’s example is not _literally_ an insult, I’m not buying it. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2018, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367/20 "2018-10-04T20:23:26Z")
**I** don’t think you’re an asshole, no matter what everyone else says! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-arent-you-are/822367.md?page=2)