# We can write better fortune cookies than that! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 31, 2010, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436 "2010-05-31T23:46:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/1 "2010-05-31T23:46:50Z")
I just got this one: “You can depend on the trust of the collective” I found it kind of creepy. Someone was paid to write that bit of hive-mind inanity! If that can get into a cookie, then I’m sure we can do better! Let’s see your best stuff! ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/2 "2010-05-31T23:52:13Z")
Wait, aren’t you now trusting the collective to help you come up with better fortunes? It came true! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/3 "2010-06-01T00:04:31Z")
I prefer the more straightforward: “Resistance is futile”. I’d chalk it up to poor translation. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/4 "2010-06-01T00:16:35Z")
Beware the black owl. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_A.Robrin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sam_a.robrin/32/14497_2.png) [@Sam\_A.Robrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_A.Robrin)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/5 "2010-06-01T01:06:29Z")
“He who bases decisions on a message in a cookie is doomed to failure” ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/6 "2010-06-01T01:09:14Z")
Ha. I had chinese just this morning. I asked my husband to read me my fortune. He cracked it and ‘read’ it to me; “You are a superstitious retard” ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/7 "2010-06-01T01:35:25Z")
“Your children hate you because you are a terrible parent.” ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/8 "2010-06-01T01:37:49Z")
I like the rude ones: You are a fool, and everything you attempt will fail. The ugly, stupid child is the only one that is really yours. Next time, try a low carb diet, lard butt. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/9 "2010-06-01T01:55:10Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > “You are a superstitious retard” in bed. Error 404 Fortune not found. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/10 "2010-06-01T02:19:32Z")
Yeah, we always did the “in bed” thing. Until I got one that said, “You like children and animals.” ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_A.Robrin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sam_a.robrin/32/14497_2.png) [@Sam\_A.Robrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_A.Robrin)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/11 "2010-06-01T02:45:11Z")
My crowd said “. . . between the sheets”–different words, same idea. I once went out with a friend and her 12-year-old daughter, and taught them the addendum. Soon, the daughter and her friends were mouthing “. . . between the sheets” after every sentence the teachers spoke. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/12 "2010-06-01T03:37:57Z")
…but certainly better than the one in the OP: Help! I’m being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery! ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/13 "2010-06-01T04:08:50Z")
“You will die, alone and afraid, knowing that not a single human being ever loved you, lucky numbers 3, 18, 80" ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/14 "2010-06-01T04:22:39Z")
The last one I got said “Joe Don Baker is in your linen closet”. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/15 "2010-06-01T04:28:24Z")
\*\*They’re laughing at you. Not with you- at you. \*\* **I am the Lord thy God. Bow to me. NOW!!!** **Your lucky numbers have been taken from you until you are ready.** ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/16 "2010-06-01T04:29:32Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > The last one I got said “Joe Don Baker is in your linen closet”. Did Joe Don Baker ever come out of the closet? (I always knew that sumbtch was queer.) ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/17 "2010-06-01T05:48:36Z")
You do not have a novel in you, only a limerick. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/18 "2010-06-01T06:10:09Z")
_Don’t look up. Room bugged—act casual._ ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/19 "2010-06-01T06:17:05Z")
I sought to discover my fate From a note in a cracker I ate; The ersatz advice Wasn’t what I’d call nice, But the moo goo gai pan sure was great! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436/20 "2010-06-01T10:51:04Z")
Can your fortune come true if it is incom [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-can-write-better-fortune-cookies-than-that/541436.md?page=2)