# We can't compliment the appearance of someone on a TV show? **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [June 5, 2019, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095 "2019-06-05T20:48:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2019, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/1 "2019-06-05T20:48:25Z")
> [@The Jeopardy thread \[was James Holzhauer\]\[contains spoilers\]](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jeopardy-thread-was-james-holzhauer-contains-spoilers/832696/595): > > [Moderating] > > The reason we are discussing Holzhauer is because of his knowledge and reflexes. He’d still have done well on Jeopardy no matter how he looked (as, for that matter, would Boettcher). So comments like this (directed towards either sex) aren’t really appropriate. The comment in question was not, FTR, some kind of coarse, vulgar, sexual one. Rather, it was simply: “Sorry to see him go, he was nice to look at!” I’m incredulous that this would merit a slap on the wrist. (I would, FWIW, agree that it’s not cool to \*criticize \*someone’s appearance, even in a mild way. Complimenting them in a non-crude way seems harmless.) ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2019, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/2 "2019-06-05T21:10:30Z")
It’s CS, it’s about a TV show, doesn’t seem untoward to compliment the participants. [A link to it.](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21681761&postcount=595) ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2019, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/3 "2019-06-05T22:26:50Z")
Yeah, that wasnt untoward. Now “he had nice buns” or something would have been. But “nice to look at?” ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2019, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/4 "2019-06-05T23:06:46Z")
He has an exemplary brain! -\> ok He has attractive features -\> not ok. It’s only allowed if you are a woman and you are degrading the eyebrows of a female actress. ---
**Author:** ![PatriotX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@PatriotX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotX)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2019, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/5 "2019-06-05T23:08:29Z")
I assume there’s some context I’m missing. Why is it not okay to appreciate how someone looks in Cafe Society? In which forum is it okay to appreciate how someone looks? Only the Pit? ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2019, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/6 "2019-06-05T23:25:48Z")
> [@PatriotX](#): > > I assume there’s some context I’m missing. There really isn’t. Let’s note too that Jeopardy doesn’t cast solely based on test performance. There is also a “screen test”, which they say is about personality but obviously has an unspoken element of assessing attractiveness. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2019, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/7 "2019-06-05T23:25:53Z")
> [@PatriotX](#): > > I assume there’s some context I’m missing. The context, I suspect, is that a few days previously there was a more lascivious comment made about one of the female contestants (“I know this is totally shallow–especially in a thread about a contest of knowledge–but today’s contestant is smokin’ hot.”). That comment was modded, and I think **Chronos** had a quicker trigger than he would have otherwise when another poster commented on looks. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2019, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/8 "2019-06-05T23:28:49Z")
I don’t think that should have been modded either. Maybe if someone said “nice rack” or “I’d hit that”. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2019, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/9 "2019-06-05T23:40:12Z")
Personally, I’m fine with modding unnecessary comments on women’s sexual attractiveness in threads that have nothing to do with their appearance. There have been several ATMB threads where women on the board have explained very clearly why that creates an unwelcoming atmosphere, and I suggest you read them again if it still isn’t clear. A relatively harmless comment about a man being “nice to look at” doesn’t usually need the same response, because it doesn’t carry the same baggage of objectification that comments about women do. But once a mod has to give instructions to refrain from comments about looks in thread, they are right to apply it consistently. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2019, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/10 "2019-06-05T23:42:00Z")
How about saying a woman is “nice to look at”? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2019, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/11 "2019-06-05T23:43:56Z")
> [@SlackerInc](#): > > “Sorry to see him go, he was nice to look at!” That is precisely the misogynistic toxic masculinity that is driving people away from this site. Or so I’ve heard. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2019, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/12 "2019-06-05T23:55:30Z")
> [@SlackerInc](#): > > How about saying a woman is “nice to look at”? I will let women comment on how they feel about that, if they so desire. I’m not interested in playing hypotheticals all day. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2019, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/13 "2019-06-06T00:00:13Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > That is precisely the misogynistic toxic masculinity that is driving people away from this site. Or so I’ve heard. :rolleyes: Yup. Certainly that must be repelling more people than getting chided (or seeing someone get chided) for saying someone on their TV screen is “nice to look at”. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2019, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/14 "2019-06-06T00:06:12Z")
Well, my initial thought was to agree with you, although I don’t think it’s relevant whether a comment is positive or negative. But your subsequent apparent desire to parse exactly where the line is on _how much_ you can tell the world about whether someone tickles your naughty bits kind of makes me more sympathetic to Chronos’ inclination to just steer the conversation away from that subject area altogether. It was pretty mildly worded guidance. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2019, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/15 "2019-06-06T00:09:15Z")
You don’t think it’s relevant? Wow. I think it’s awful to imagine someone Googling themselves and finding comments, even mildly worded ones, saying they are unattractive. I have no such concern about someone who reads non-vulgar statements of appreciation for their attractiveness. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2019, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/16 "2019-06-06T02:15:35Z")
> [@SlackerInc](#): > > …I have no such concern about someone who reads non-vulgar statements of appreciation for their attractiveness. And this is the problem. Commenting positively about the physical attractiveness of someone in a test of intelligence is a different bad than commenting negatively, but they are both bad. Consider the woman who was referenced earlier as “smokin’ hot.” She qualified for Jeopardy because she is intelligent and scored well on a test, and she went on the show hoping to be evaluated based on those criteria. Do you think she’d be happy that the sole comment about her in this thread had nothing to do with recognizing her brains, but was only about how attractive someone found her? As men, you and I can not fully understand what it’s like to be constantly objectified and assigned value based on our fuckability. But we can listen to women who tell us it gets old fast. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2019, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/17 "2019-06-06T02:40:35Z")
> [@TroutMan](#): > > And this is the problem. Commenting positively about the physical attractiveness of someone in a test of intelligence is a different bad than commenting negatively, but they are both bad. Let’s get this straight, it’s a TV show. It’s entertainment. Maybe to you it’s a type of nerd porn but it doesn’t get some special status over other reality TV shows. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2019, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/18 "2019-06-06T02:46:06Z")
If this place is out to be the winner of the Woke Olympics, it’s going to have to do more to really advertise to that narrow little niche. Because the vast majority of people don’t have time for that nonsense. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2019, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/19 "2019-06-06T03:18:33Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Let’s get this straight, it’s a TV show. It’s entertainment. Maybe to you it’s a type of nerd porn but it doesn’t get some special status over other reality TV shows. Yeah, I don’t think you have it straight. > [@SlackerInc](#): > > If this place is out to be the winner of the Woke Olympics, it’s going to have to do more to really advertise to that narrow little niche. Because the vast majority of people don’t have time for that nonsense. That’s your rebuttal? Woke Olympics? OK then. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2019, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095/20 "2019-06-06T04:50:42Z")
Yes, it’s excessively “woke” to claim that describing someone on a popular TV show as “nice to look at” is “objectif[ying] and assig[ning them] value based on their fuckability”. And I feel confident that 95% of regular people would agree with me about that. I say “regular” people because I’m sure the subset who provide most of Twitter’s content would agree with you, or maybe even object that you somehow weren’t going far enough in your callout. :rolleyes: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-cant-compliment-the-appearance-of-someone-on-a-tv-show/835095.md?page=2)