# We need new euphimisms for 'penis' **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 11, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773 "2003-10-11T01:04:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/61 "2003-10-11T18:36:22Z")
'Scuse me **Bumba** **misstee** we call mine _Victoria_ as in victorious;) Gotta admit I like **Pole Vault** getting back to the topic: **shroom** works for me **Tab A** ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/62 "2003-10-11T19:10:10Z")
Hmm… I knew my copy of _The Book of Odd_ by Stephen J. Spignesi would be useful in this regard. 😃 I apologize in advance if some of these are a little (or a lot) crude. **195 Euphemisms for the Penis** Ass Opener Baby Maker Bald-Headed Hermit Baloney Pony Banana Battering Ram Bean Tosser Beef Bayonet Best Leg of Three Bishop Blow Torch Bone Boy Broom Handle Bug Fucker Bum Tickler Burrito Bush Beater Bushwhacker Candle Carrot Cherry Picker Club Coral Branch Crack Hunter Creamstick Crimson Chitterling Crotch Cobra Cucumber Dangling Participle Dart of Love Ding Dong Dingus Dipstick Divining Rod Dong Donkey Dork Dragon Dribbling Dart of Love Drumstick Eel Eye Opener Fishing Rod Foaming Beef Probe Fool Sucker Frankfurter Gardener Giggle Stick Girlometer Gooser Goose’s Neck Gravy Maker Grinding Tool Gun Hair Splitter Hammer Hanging Johnny Holy Poker Honeypot Cleaver Horn Hose Irish Root Jack-in-the-Box Jiggling Bone Joy Stick Kidney Scraper Kosher Pickle A Ladies’ Delight Ladies’ Lollipop Lance of Love Licorice Stick Life Preserver Live Sausage Lizard Lobster Love Dart Love Muscle Love Pump Love Sausage Lung Disturber Magic Wand Master of Ceremonies Matrimonial Peacemaker Maypole Meat Whistle Middle Leg Milkman Mr. Happy Muscle of Love Mutton Dagger Nag Needle Nine Inch Knocker Old Slimy Our One-Eyed Brother One-Eyed Milkman One-Eyed Monster One-Eyed Pants Mouse One-Eyed Trouser Snake One-Eyed Wonder One-Eyed Worm One-Eyed Zipper Snake Peacemaker Pee-Wee Pen Pencil Piccolo Pile Driver Pilgrim’s Staff Pink Oboe Pioneer of Nature Pipe Pisser Pistol Plug Plugger Pointer Poker Pole Pork Sword Prong Pump Handle Quim Wedge Ram Rammer Ramrod Raw Meat Reamer Red Hot Poker Rod of Love Rolling-Pin Rooster Root Roto-Rooter Rumpleforeskin Rump Splitter Saint Peter Sceptre Schlong Schvontz Schween Screwdriver Serpent Shaft of Cupid Short Arm Silent Flute Skin Flute Small Arm Snake Spigot Split-Ass Mechanic Stagg Stallion Star Gazer Stick Stretcher Stump Sugar Stick Sweet Meat Swizzle Stick Sword Tail Pipe Tally Whacker Tent Peg Thingamabob Third Leg Thumb of Love Tickler Tool Torch of Cupid Toy Trigger Tube Tube Steak Tummy Banana Uncle Dick Wand Wang Water Spout Wazoo Weapon Wedge Weenie Whacker Whang Whang Bone Whanger Whip Whistle Whore Pipe Worm Wriggling Pole Yum-Yum Zubrick F\_X ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/63 "2003-10-11T19:22:32Z")
GOOD HELL **Flami**! I don’t know whether to be impressed or scared that you typed that long thing! ehehehehe she said “long thing” ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/64 "2003-10-11T19:25:54Z")
I forgot **flippin your switch** ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/65 "2003-10-11T23:59:58Z")
Clithulu The Beast That Causes 1000 Young And if you haven’t seen this yet… [http://www.extremefunnyhumor.com/fun\_dearpenis.htm](http://www.extremefunnyhumor.com/fun_dearpenis.htm) (You’ll need Flash) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/66 "2003-10-12T00:08:54Z")
James T. Kirk. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/67 "2003-10-12T01:48:56Z")
Meat Banana Vaginal Thermometer Mr. Stickit Kitten Killer Monstro ---
**Author:** ![sandalfeet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@sandalfeet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandalfeet)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/68 "2003-10-12T01:54:26Z")
This one is from my SO: purple headed yogurt slinger. And even though it really isnt a euph, I have to share: I crack up when my SO says “cock”, because he pronounces it “cack”. Haha, I almost find it cute, hehe. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/69 "2003-10-12T03:48:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Krisfer the Cat \* > \*\*GOOD HELL **Flami**! I don’t know whether to be impressed or scared that you typed that long thing! > ehehehehe she said “long thing” \*\* Don’t worry, it only took me five or ten minutes. 😃 (maybe I was still buzzing off the caffeine from the cappuccino and the two bubble teas I had last night) Breathe in deeply now, and calm yourself down… if that’s what you need, of course! 🙂 F\_X ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/70 "2003-10-12T16:44:26Z")
I’m listening to ‘Pet Names for Genitalia’, a parody of a Billy Joel tune. As listed in the song, they are: Mutton Dagger Old Blind Bob Hanging Johnny Fishing Rod Tally Whacker Pocket Rocket One Eyed Trouser Trout Ding Dong Ankle Spanker Pork Sword Engine Cranker Hairy Hotdog Davy Crockett Wang Wazoo Wienie Whacker Pecker Peepee Kidney Cracker Heat Seeking Moisture Missile Gigglestick Love Whistle Tube Steak Uncle Dick Purple Helmet Warrior Any warped doper may email me to obtain the .mp3 file of the song, as I’ve long forgotten where I found it. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/71 "2003-10-12T21:40:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sunspace \* > \*\*Throatwoarbler-mangrove. 🙂 \*\* Well, it may be pronounced _throatwoarbler-mangrove_, but it’s spelled **Norman Luxury Yacht**. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/72 "2003-10-12T23:26:34Z")
Mjolnir. Excalibur. Meatsaber. Flesh cudgel. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/73 "2003-10-13T02:12:07Z")
When I saw this OP the first thing that came to my mind was Nicolas Cage in \* Peggy Sue Got Married \* [Nicholas Cage] You mean my _Wang_? [/NC] ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/74 "2003-10-13T03:39:51Z")
One of my brother’s high school classmates got saddled with a very unfortunate name (I’ve shared this any number of times before)… I was just thinkling that it COULD work as a new euphemism. **Jack Wang** ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/75 "2003-10-13T05:12:19Z")
His middle name is Off, I suppose; right, F\_X? ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/76 "2003-10-13T18:26:12Z")
Male Brain Override Module ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/77 "2003-10-13T20:14:28Z")
Mini Me Evil Twin Lord of the Pies Busta Hymen Thriller ---
**Author:** ![Stage\_Manager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stage_manager/32/7267_2.png) [@Stage\_Manager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stage_Manager)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2003, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/78 "2003-10-21T07:20:04Z")
(bump) We still need more. Can’t have too many names for man’s best friend…😛 ---
**Author:** ![WILLASS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/54ee81/32.png) [@WILLASS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WILLASS)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2003, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/79 "2003-10-21T10:29:57Z")
How about ‘Spam Javelin’? on the subject of female masturbation euphimisms: Flicking the bean diddling the skittle double clicking your mouse (I love this one because it actually looks like that, my g/f technique anyway…) tickling the budgies tongue ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2003, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773/80 "2003-10-21T12:49:02Z")
From _Varsity Blues:_ The male erection. Pitchin’ a tent, sportin’ a wood, stiffie, flesh rocket, tall tommy, Mr. Morbis, the march is on, icycle has formed, Jack’s magic beanstalk, rigor mortis has set in, Mr. Mushroom-head, mushroom on a stick, purple headed yogurt slinger… oh, and a pedro. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-euphimisms-for-penis/206773.md?page=5)