# We Need New Pizza Rules
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [March 18, 2012, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124 "2012-03-18T08:05:08Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/1 "2012-03-18T08:05:08Z")
According to [this](http://shine.yahoo.com/shine-food/worlds-best-gourmet-pizza-tropical-pie-wins-highest-220400837.html) story on Yahoo!, something called “Tropical Pie” won a prize for “Best Pizza” at a competition in Las Vegas. For those of you too justifiably timid to click on the link, this monstrosity has the top quarter of a pineapple (stalk and all) in the middle, has thinly-sliced limes dumped on it, and the whole atrocity was soaked with tequila before baking.
I’m glad somebody enjoyed making and eating this thing, but let’s not call it a pizza. In the spirit of the German Beer Purity law and the rules of Kosher, we need to lay down some new laws for what can be called pizza. I’ll get the ball rolling:
[ul]
[li]Pizza, by definition, needs three ingredients: Flatbread or dough crust, mozzarella cheese and tomato sauce, preferably containing oregano. If it’s missing any of these ingredients, it must have a qualifier appended to its name (i.e. French Bread pizza, White pizza, Sicilian Pizza, Roman Pizza).[/li]
[li]All ingredients of the pizza must be edible. Olives must be pitted, shrimp must be minus the heads, tails and shells. Fruit, if it must be on there, should be without skin, rind or seeds if these are deemed inedible.[/li][/ul]
What else?
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### Author:  [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/2 "2012-03-18T08:14:17Z")
If it doesn’t taste good with beer, it’s a nonpizza.
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### Author:  [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/3 "2012-03-18T08:39:08Z")
If it can’t be eaten with your hands, it’s not pizza.
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### Author:  [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/4 "2012-03-18T09:10:07Z")
I have to agree that thing doesn’t seem to qualify as pizza.
Though the main rule I used to have about pizza was what I called my Pizza Policy. Simply stated: _If there’s still pizza, I’m still eating it_. Back in my teens and twenties, I did not recognize ‘leftover pizza’ as a thing that could exist. Now that I’m older, I’ve had to give up this principle.
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### Author:  [@NiceGuyJack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NiceGuyJack)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/5 "2012-03-18T09:13:43Z")
I for one would not allow fruit of any kind.
I like pineapple, but not on my pizza!
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### Author:  [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/6 "2012-03-18T09:21:17Z")
> [@NiceGuyJack](#):
>
> I for one would not allow fruit of any kind.
> I like pineapple, but not on my pizza!
Well… Technically, tomatoes are fruit, so I give pineapple chunks a pass (if they’re paired with ham).
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### Author:  [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/7 "2012-03-18T09:57:29Z")
> [@Saltire](#):
>
> Though the main rule I used to have about pizza was what I called my Pizza Policy. Simply stated: _If there’s still pizza, I’m still eating it_. Back in my teens and twenties, I did not recognize ‘leftover pizza’ as a thing that could exist. Now that I’m older, I’ve had to give up this principle.
Pizza is one of those foods that tastes good hot, or cold, but not in between. Leftover pizza can be eaten cold for breakfast.
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### Author:  [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/8 "2012-03-18T10:53:58Z")
All pizza ingredients must be out in the open - those “crammed crust” or “sausages folded along the edge” or whatever things have their place, but should be suitably differentiated from proper pizza the same way calzone is.
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### Author:  [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/9 "2012-03-18T11:01:44Z")
[According to Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pizza#Pizza_types), the rules already exist and are far stricter than what the OP suggests…
[QUOTE=Wikipedia]
According to the rules proposed by the _Associazione Vera Pizza Napoletana_, the genuine Neapolitan pizza dough consists of wheat flour (type 0 or 00, or a mixture of both), natural Neapolitan yeast or brewer’s yeast, salt and water. For proper results, strong flour with high protein content (as used for bread-making rather than cakes) must be used. The dough must be kneaded by hand or with a low-speed mixer. After the rising process, the dough must be formed by hand without the help of a rolling pin or other machine, and may be no more than 3 millimetres (0.12 in) thick. The pizza must be baked for 60–90 seconds in a 485 °C (905 °F) stone oven with an oak-wood fire. When cooked, it should be crispy, tender and fragrant. There are three official variants: _pizza marinara_, which is made with tomato, garlic, oregano and extra virgin olive oil, _pizza Margherita_, made with tomato, sliced mozzarella, basil and extra-virgin olive oil, and _pizza Margherita extra_ made with tomato, mozzarella from Campania in fillets, basil and extra virgin olive oil.
[/QUOTE]
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### Author:  [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/10 "2012-03-18T11:33:58Z")
> [@Krokodil](#):
>
> Well… Technically, tomatoes are fruit, so I give pineapple chunks a pass (if they’re paired with ham).
If it has pineapple on it, it’s not pizza. I don’t what it is, other than affront to humanity. But it is no longer pizza once you put pineapple on it.
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### Author:  [@sohvan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sohvan)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/11 "2012-03-18T12:02:17Z")
It’s not a pizza if you need a knife and fork to eat it. I would allow pizza to have other types of cheeses besides mozzarella, though.
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### Author:  [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/12 "2012-03-18T12:11:49Z")
I will allow pineapple, if the pizza has pepperoni and/or Canadian bacon on it. I will not allow Cheddar. I will allow provolone.
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### Author:  [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/13 "2012-03-18T12:28:48Z")
I’m okay with Romano or Feta in addition to Mozzarella, but not as a replacement for them.
As for pineapple–I’ll try things that are new and different before I deem them completely inappropriate. Hawaiian pizza’s been around for, what, 30 years now? It works for me in a way that chicken barbeque or duck and hoison sauce don’t. Wolfgang Puck should be deported and tried before the Hague.
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### Author:  [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/14 "2012-03-18T12:46:38Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#):
>
> Leftover pizza can be eaten cold for breakfast.
I’ve long had an idea of opening a drive-thru coffee hut that served a cup of coffee and a slice of cold pizza.
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### Author:  [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/15 "2012-03-18T12:50:21Z")
For me, pizza is all about the crust. If it has qualifying crust it is pizza. If it doesn’t, you can cover it with pepperoni and pizza sauce and it still isn’t pizza.
I’ve had many wonderful pizzas that have no cheese or tomato sauce on them. I’ve had wonderful pizza with clams in their shells on them.
And whenever I have pizza delivered it comes with something in the middle that I’m not supposed to eat.
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### Author:  [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/16 "2012-03-18T14:08:55Z")
Haters gotta be hatin’.
Pizza is a blank canvas - go nuts. I may not want to eat it, but I respect the right of the pizza maker to express himself. BBQ Chicken pizza? Delish. Pineapple and pepperoni? My favorite. The thing that should be banned is the party cut.
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### Author:  [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/17 "2012-03-18T14:19:33Z")
Gotta go with **Silenus** on this one. Generally I’m a purist who wants only cheese and pepperoni on my pie, but I have been blown away by alternative ingredients/prep methods. Chicken tikka masala pizza was worthy of Og himself, and smoked salmon with arugula was a gift to my palate.
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### Author:  [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/18 "2012-03-18T14:44:08Z")
> [@obfusciatrist](#):
>
> For me, pizza is all about the crust. If it has qualifying crust it is pizza. If it doesn’t, you can cover it with pepperoni and pizza sauce and it still isn’t pizza.
>
> I’ve had many wonderful pizzas that have no cheese or tomato sauce on them. I’ve had wonderful pizza with clams in their shells on them.
>
> And whenever I have pizza delivered it comes with something in the middle that I’m not supposed to eat.
The little plastic thingy that keeps the lid from touching the pie? I haven’t seen those in years! (I only ever saw them on Pizza Hut pies, and I haven’t bought one of those since the Reagan administration.) If your daughter or niece has a Barbie Dream House, those make for great patio tables for it.
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### Author:  [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/19 "2012-03-18T14:56:21Z")
To be honest, it has been years since I’ve had pizza delivered. So if they’d gone by the wayside I wasn’t aware.
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### Author:  [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2012, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-pizza-rules/616124/20 "2012-03-18T15:06:13Z")
> [@obfusciatrist](#):
>
> To be honest, it has been years since I’ve had pizza delivered. So if they’d gone by the wayside I wasn’t aware.
Nah, I still get 'em when Pizza My Heart brings me a pie.
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