# We need new words for relationships **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 11, 2006, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489 "2006-01-11T15:07:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/21 "2006-01-11T23:46:59Z")
Things I’ve heard people use: “This is my guy, \_\_\_\_\_.” “This is my sweetie/honey/darlin’, \_\_\_\_\_\_.” Or, let body language do it for you: “This is Jill,” and put your arm around the person’s waist or shoulders in a small hugging gesture. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/22 "2006-01-12T01:41:13Z")
This is my old lady, Jill This is my squeeze, Jill This is my other half, Jill This is my better half, Jill This is Jill (smile sweetly) This is that girl I wanted to bend over the hood of my Trans-Am and do her in the butt, Jill This is my sweetie, Jill This is my girlfriend, Jill This is the light of my life, Jill This is my wife, Jill (to hell with the “definers” of words!) Depending on context and appropriateness of situations, we already have loads of ways to refer to our love interests. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/23 "2006-01-12T01:48:07Z")
One suggestion: If your SO is anything like mine, do yourself a favor – when you get engaged, refrain from referring to your now-fiancée as your “ex-girlfriend”. For some reason, they don’t like that. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/24 "2006-01-12T02:34:56Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > This is my old lady, Jill > > This is my squeeze, Jill > > This is my other half, Jill > > This is my better half, Jill > > This is Jill (smile sweetly) > > This is that girl I wanted to bend over the hood of my Trans-Am and do her in the butt, Jill > > This is my sweetie, Jill > > This is my girlfriend, Jill > > This is the light of my life, Jill > > This is my wife, Jill (to hell with the “definers” of words!) > Depending on context and appropriateness of situations, we already have loads of ways to refer to our love interests. You can’t say wife. You can’t. All kinds of people get all upset that you dare use the special word. I just hate that. Anyway, those are all OK, but I want one word that means “life-long live-in partner”. Nothing like that up your sleeve? ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/25 "2006-01-12T02:39:08Z")
Just don’t call the person your lover. The mental pictures this conjures up (for pervs like me, anyway) may not be fortunate. I, personally, wouldn’t mind at all my SO calling me his/her old lady. I’ve always liked that, for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/26 "2006-01-12T02:50:50Z")
> [@Atticus Finch](#): > > Partner’s the one everyone I know uses to refer to very committed though unmarried relationships. It often suggests a homosexual relationship and could thus lead to some confusion. I’m surprised that the US doesn’t seem to use it. Nah, it’s not that uncommon here, but it does usually imply a same-sex relationship. I remember being surprised when my (female) music teacher referred to her (male) “partner”. I think that’s the only time I’ve seen an opposite-sex couple use it. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/27 "2006-01-12T03:08:53Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > You can’t say wife. You can’t. All kinds of people get all upset that you dare use the special word. I just hate that. I’ve used it before, I’ll use it again. If I’m behaving towards her in what most consider a traditionally husband-type role, and she behaves as tho she were a bonefied wife, in almost every aspect of what the words mean… I use them as such. Damn anyone and their need to rigidly define words to mean a church sanctioned state filed paper trail. Hell, even the laws of many places recognised us as married (common-law). So, if I said she was my wife, why should anyone have any question about that? I just really don’t see any phrase or word with the same nuances of commitment of hearts, joining of bodies, cohabitating of residence… Yeah, I’m guess I’ll just leave the rest of this alone, lest it become a GD GD thread. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/28 "2006-01-12T03:46:08Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > I’ve used it before, I’ll use it again. > > If I’m behaving towards her in what most consider a traditionally husband-type role, and she behaves as tho she were a bonefied wife, in almost every aspect of what the words mean… I use them as such. Damn anyone and their need to rigidly define words to mean a church sanctioned state filed paper trail. Hell, even the laws of many places recognised us as married (common-law). So, if I said she was my wife, why should anyone have any question about that? > > I just really don’t see any phrase or word with the same nuances of commitment of hearts, joining of bodies, cohabitating of residence… > > Yeah, I’m guess I’ll just leave the rest of this alone, lest it become a GD GD thread. No, I mean, feel free to go ahead and say so. I was afraid someone might take me the wrong way. I’m in the same boat as you, but pepole just get so \*\*offended \*\*and \*\*angry \*\*when I’ve used the word husband when he’s not, really. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/29 "2006-01-12T03:56:21Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > Just don’t call the person your lover. The mental pictures this conjures up (for pervs like me, anyway) may not be fortunate. My 92-year-old grandmother always asks me how my “lover” is doing. In French, it’s more acceptable as a casual term to mean someone you’re seeing, but I know she’s using it on purpose. She’s got a dirty little mind. It’s genetic. 🙂 I just call my man, well, “my man”. I’ll use “boyfriend” sometimes, but it feels funny. I mean, he’s not a _boy_. He is definitely a _man_. Grrr, baby, very grr. Or I’ll refer to him by name, and if anyone misses the significance of the happy glazed-over look in my eyes, well, they’re idiots. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/30 "2006-01-12T05:56:14Z")
> [@Cub Mistress](#): > > I also think we need words to describe a few other relationships, too. For example, my daughter-in-law’s mother: I would like a word to describe her relationship to me. After all, we adore two grandchildren in common, that needs a name. In fact, all those “in-law” relationships can get confusing without a scorecard. I’ve got one. **Co-madre.** From Spanish. I didn’t even make it up, I read it somewhere. I s’pose you could also use the term “co-mother” or “co-mom.” Defined [here](http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/reference/dict_en_es/entry?lb=e&p=num%3As5207) as “godmother,” “mother of a child (in relation to the godmother),” and “midwife,” but also apparently used properly among some Spanish-speaking Americans to mean their offspring’s mother-in-law. Of course it is bound to get changed to “comrade” by your spelling checker. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/31 "2006-01-12T06:10:23Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Unwieldy, too. I use it all the time, but I want a quick, easy term. I want one word. I want a common word. “Signifigent other” is unwieldly. But thaat’s why I like SO. As in “this is my esso”. I don’t know, it has the right connotation…duely repectful of the relationship (it’s signifigent), yet generic, yet short and pithy. I think “esso” is useful. Although depending on the circumstances I prefer “inamorata” 🙂 . ---
**Author:** ![Corrvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbce88/32.png) [@Corrvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corrvin)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/32 "2006-01-12T11:54:37Z")
> [@betenoir](#): > > “Signifigent other” is unwieldly. But thaat’s why I like SO. As in “this is my esso”. I don’t know, it has the right connotation…duely repectful of the relationship (it’s signifigent), yet generic, yet short and pithy. > > I think “esso” is useful. Although depending on the circumstances I prefer “inamorata” 🙂 . I use S.O. as well, since Raven and I aren’t married. His mother and stepfather are my parents-out-law and I also have a sister-out-law. His daughter (not biologically mine, but she lives here, so we’re family) calls me by name, but my parents are Grandma and Grandpa Smith to her, and she uses the same names for my grandparents that I do. Now if we just had words for her half-siblings’ fathers, and also if my guys (that’s my usual term for the guys I’m dating: “my guys”) would let me get away with calling them Boyfriend, Other Boyfriend, and Other Other Boyfriend, I’d be happy. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/33 "2006-01-12T13:06:34Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > I’ve used it before, I’ll use it again. > > If I’m behaving towards her in what most consider a traditionally husband-type role, and she behaves as tho she were a bonefied wife, in almost every aspect of what the words mean… I use them as such. Damn anyone and their need to rigidly define words to mean a church sanctioned state filed paper trail. Hell, even the laws of many places recognised us as married (common-law). So, if I said she was my wife, why should anyone have any question about that? > > I just really don’t see any phrase or word with the same nuances of commitment of hearts, joining of bodies, cohabitating of residence… > > Yeah, I’m guess I’ll just leave the rest of this alone, lest it become a GD GD thread. How about “wife-like substance?” ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/34 "2006-01-12T13:08:25Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Unwieldy, too. I use it all the time, but I want a quick, easy term. I want one word. I want a common word. [quote=Kalhoun] He would be called your “Spose”…as in “S’pose they’ll ever get married?” [/quote We \*are \* married. We just don’t have that little piece of paper, and frankly, consider it unimportant and secondary.[/QUOTE] That was a joke. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/35 "2006-01-12T13:10:48Z")
My uncle referred to his daughter and her live-in as paramours. I rather like this one, even though it has some connotations of being strictly sexual. But it rolls off the tongue nicely. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/36 "2006-01-12T14:41:55Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > My uncle referred to his daughter and her live-in as paramours. I rather like this one, even though it has some connotations of being strictly sexual. But it rolls off the tongue nicely. Oo, I like that, too. Also consort. We should just bring all the old words back into use. **Antigen** , your grandma sounds cool. My dad once sent me a letter containing a lot of relationship advice, in which he referred to my “lovers.” :eek: Geez, Dad, not in front of the kids. I’m rather fond of the term when it’s used in the traditional sense (people who are in love), but I wish Dad has just said “boyfriends.” **acsenray** , Sam is actually the new one. I wouldn’t mention it, except he might read this thread. Anyway, he suggested “proto-boyfriend” to replace “the guy I’m dating,” but as it seems we’re already beyond that stage, I won’t get to use it. ☹😃 ---
**Author:** ![mlerose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@mlerose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlerose)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/37 "2006-01-12T15:51:18Z")
The Superhero and I refer to each other as “my person.” As in “This is my person, Superhero.” He says “This is my person, mle.” It works for us. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/38 "2006-01-12T15:56:27Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > I’ve used it before, I’ll use it again. > > If I’m behaving towards her in what most consider a traditionally husband-type role, and she behaves as tho she were a bonefied wife, in almost every aspect of what the words mean… I use them as such. Damn anyone and their need to rigidly define words to mean a church sanctioned state filed paper trail. Hell, even the laws of many places recognised us as married (common-law). So, if I said she was my wife, why should anyone have any question about that? > > I just really don’t see any phrase or word with the same nuances of commitment of hearts, joining of bodies, cohabitating of residence… > > Yeah, I’m guess I’ll just leave the rest of this alone, lest it become a GD GD thread. I’m in total agreement with you where the semantics are concerned, but again, look at my Mom’s situation: she and her SO have been together for seven years, they co-own a home, and they are one another’s “person to notify in case of emergency.” When we’re talking to doctors about life decisions, though, they’re constantly asking the SO “Are you her husband?” because they’re trying to determine what his legal standing is in HER decisions. And so every single time, he has to explain: “No, I am not her husband, but I have durable power of attorney.” If he took the easy route and said “Yes, I am her husband” and it later came out that he isn’t, I’m almost certain someone would have a hissy-fit. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/39 "2006-01-12T16:57:26Z")
> [@LifeOnWry](#): > > I’m in total agreement with you where the semantics are concerned, but again, look at my Mom’s situation: she and her SO have been together for seven years, they co-own a home, and they are one another’s “person to notify in case of emergency.” When we’re talking to doctors about life decisions, though, they’re constantly asking the SO “Are you her husband?” because they’re trying to determine what his legal standing is in HER decisions. And so every single time, he has to explain: “No, I am not her husband, but I have durable power of attorney.” If he took the easy route and said “Yes, I am her husband” and it later came out that he isn’t, I’m almost certain someone would have a hissy-fit. I agree. The word has a few meanings, but the legal definition is the one that matters. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489/40 "2006-01-12T20:40:58Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > I agree. The word has a few meanings, but the legal definition is the one that matters. The situation **Wry** is discussing is different than being introduced around at a cocktail party. In the case of the SO with DPA, exxact words have exact meanings. To Billy Whatshisname at the Shinkleman’s party, not so much. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-need-new-words-for-relationships/339489.md?page=3)