# We’re about to end my kid’s childhood. Fuck Cancer. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 30, 2016, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671 "2016-03-30T20:52:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/41 "2016-03-31T04:26:00Z")
I was relieved to see that it’s not the OP’s child who has cancer. It’s bad enough that it’s his wife. The hospital social worker can refer you to people who can help your son cope (and you too). Is there a Gilda’s Club in your area? Their purpose is to provide support to people with cancer and their friends and families, and I’m pretty sure their services are free. ---
**Author:** ![Simmerdown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simmerdown/32/14859_2.png) [@Simmerdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simmerdown)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/42 "2016-03-31T04:46:54Z")
> [@Eliahna](#): > > It’s heartbreaking to learn your family is going through this. Your son has a great foundation of security, love and togetherness to see him through the rough times ahead. I hope you get the best outcomes possible. And all the strength your fellow Dopers (including me) are wishing you will come to you when it is most needed, and you will pass it on to your son. And he will see how strong you all can be, and be comforted and empowered by that. It’s the foundation **Eliahna** mentions. You can’t go wrong there. Fuck cancer, indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/43 "2016-03-31T06:20:01Z")
((Rhythmdvl and family)) ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/44 "2016-03-31T07:51:27Z")
Jesus, **Rhythmdvl** , I’m sorry. However things go in the next few months for the three of you, all I can send is my hope that it will be as painless as possible. Anything else I’d say has already been said, and better than I would. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/45 "2016-03-31T08:03:42Z")
Sorry to hear this. Wishing for the best possible outcome for your family. Fuck cancer. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/46 "2016-03-31T11:52:00Z")
Best wishes. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/47 "2016-03-31T15:04:02Z")
Breathe, dear. Tomorrow you may find hope. I am holding your family in loving thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/48 "2016-03-31T15:17:54Z")
My heart goes out to you all. I’m so sorry. Everything I could say has been well said, but I will reiterate the suggestion of a therapist. In my experience, kids in your son’s position very much need an adult who can be their port in the storm, to be consistent, calm, and comforting. But you can’t always be that person, and you shouldn’t - because it’s also very important for your son to know that you guys are hurting, too. Naturally you don’t want to burden him, or make him fear this is something you can’t handle. But at the same time, he needs to see that he’s not alone in feeling sad and mad and scared. He needs to know that you love your wife, and him. If you try too hard to put on a brave face at all times, it can appear to a kid - particularly one his age - that you don’t really care. So don’t be afraid to show him what you’re feeling, even as you reassure him that no matter what, he will always be safe and loved and taken care of. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/49 "2016-03-31T15:19:55Z")
Some prayers are too big for words. So I offer [drums](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41p2a0zqMMY). Ashe. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/50 "2016-03-31T15:46:47Z")
I was 8 when my mom and dad told me that my dad had cancer and was very probably going to die. I knew what death meant. One of our neighbors had recently died in an industrial accident and I had been allowed to attend the funeral. It took me a while to let it sink in and to understand what was happening and how things were going to change. My questions came later as my father began to deteriorate. I could no longer have friends over to play because ‘dad was resting’ and couldn’t tolerate the noise of children playing. In a way it was as though I had suddenly lost both my parents, because my mother was laser-focused on my father and I was the odd man out. I wasn’t ignored or neglected, but unless I had a problem or specifically asked for attention, I was left to get along pretty much on my own. I did lose my childhood for the most part. I was told repeatedly that the best thing I could do to help my father was to be responsible for myself, take over all the ‘dad’ chores, and generally don’t cause trouble. School was my normal place, the one place I could go where nothing had changed. I’m not sure anyone at the school even knew anything was going on in my home. I was so grateful for that. If I’m to offer you any advice based on my own experience, it would be this. Don’t have conversations about the illness in front of him, be absolutely religious about retaining one-on-one time with you and your son, doing normal things a kid would do with his dad. Don’t close the house to his playmates, if you can avoid it. Try to give him as much normality as you possibly can. Don’t insulate him too much, either. Kids are very perceptive and know something is wrong. Answering their questions honestly, but not too thoroughly, is the best tack. It’s rather like sex education. Answer the question asked, but don’t elaborate. Wait until they are ready to know more. They will ask when they are. I made it through ok, although I became fiercely independent and much too cynical for my years. My relationship with my mother had been broken, but I was able to repair it as the years passed. I wish you and your family the very best of luck in a situation that will be one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to face. ---
**Author:** ![Grrlbrarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrlbrarian/32/4048_2.png) [@Grrlbrarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrlbrarian)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/51 "2016-03-31T15:54:42Z")
Thoughts and prayers for your wife, yourself, and your son. May you give each other light even in your darkest hours. {{{hugs}}} ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/52 "2016-03-31T15:55:21Z")
Sorry to hear that, and best wishes to your family! ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/53 "2016-03-31T16:12:01Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > Take care of yourself. The idea of growing up without a mother is, to me, horrifying. But it’s absolutely going to be worse for you, of the two. He will miss her, but he’s so young that he will forget a lot of it… you never will. ☹ I don’t think you meant to be insensitive, but when I saw this I was :eek: She isn’t dead yet and could respond to treatment. ---
**Author:** ![Fool\_in\_the\_Rain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@Fool\_in\_the\_Rain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fool_in_the_Rain)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/54 "2016-03-31T16:15:57Z")
Thoughts and Prayers to you and your family. That is hard news to share with your son. Thankfully cancer treatment today has improved drastically and more and more have beaten the big C. Here’s to adding your wife to that list of victors! ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/55 "2016-03-31T16:21:31Z")
I am so damn sorry to hear this. Hoping for the best. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/56 "2016-03-31T16:26:17Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > Wife diagnosed with pancreatic cancer yesterday. We’re reeling. Absolutely reeling. Surgery consult on Friday to see if we’re lucky enough to be candidates. We decided to tell him tonight. He needs to know and get comfort from the three of us, not just me by surprise. We have spent so much of his life ensuring that his worldview was crystalline magic and joy. He’s had the perfect Rockwellian childhood—huge gardens, parents who work from home and are always there for him, incredible amounts of love. He just figured out how to play ‘Here Comes the Sun’ by ear and is playing/singing it downstairs. Such pure, innocent joy. He knows nothing of pain—not so much as a skinned knee and a mild cold so far. His perfect little world. And we’re about to shatter it. At six. At fucking _six_. Oh hell :(. Poor kid. Poor wife. Poor you. ---
**Author:** ![SeniorCitizen007](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8baadc/32.png) [@SeniorCitizen007](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeniorCitizen007)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/57 "2016-03-31T16:50:37Z")
Young children who are kept in the dark about situations like this can sssociate the absense of a sigificant person in their life and the distress they observe in those around them with trivial recent events and feel they are in some way to blame. You probably know this. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/58 "2016-03-31T17:09:01Z")
Prayers for you and him. Prayers like this - \*Dear Lord, send comfort and strength to **Rhythmdvl** , his son, his wife, and all those who love them. And Dear Lord, please fuck cancer.\* Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/59 "2016-03-31T17:30:38Z")
I’m so sorry. Be there for the wife and the boy, and we’ll be here for you. Keep us updated. ---
**Author:** ![Mikkel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikkel/32/13151_2.png) [@Mikkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mikkel)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2016, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671/60 "2016-03-31T18:03:29Z")
I’m sorry to hear it. I think you will do fine, all three. The cancer treatments are progressing fast these days. What would have been a death sentence ten years ago, will leave most patients alive for years after, now. My best wishes for you all. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-re-about-to-end-my-kid-s-childhood-fuck-cancer/750671.md?page=4)