# We return you now to your normal state of anxiety...

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-return-you-now-to-your-normal-state-of-anxiety/223747>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [January 10, 2004, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-return-you-now-to-your-normal-state-of-anxiety/223747 "2004-01-10T00:10:33Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 5\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\
**Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-return-you-now-to-your-normal-state-of-anxiety/223747/1 "2004-01-10T00:10:33Z")

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Our security level has been [rolled back to yellow](http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/01/09/terror.threat.level/index.html), which I believe stands for “fidgety”. All airport security guards can now return to their semi-comatose states, and federal security agents may walk their posts with eyebrows in the lowered position (exept for Tom Ridge, whose eyebrows are permanently arched as a warning to all evildoers).

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**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\
**Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-return-you-now-to-your-normal-state-of-anxiety/223747/2 "2004-01-10T03:26:37Z")

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So, do I understand these alert levels correctly?

1. Green: Don’t worry, make money.

2. Blue: Don’t forget to bring the Flit on your picnic.

3. Yellow: Better check under the bed, just in case.

4. Orange: Do X-ray scans of all pumpkins before carving.

5. Red: Bloody Hell! Fire at will!

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**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\
**Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-return-you-now-to-your-normal-state-of-anxiety/223747/3 "2004-01-10T03:39:46Z")

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The lowered security level does not yet apply to airports, the mall in Washington, dams, etc.

And just who were the New York State Troopers outside of the _Today_ show at Rockefeller Center? They said they were “recruiting.” They also had their backs to the crowd and weren’t smiling.

I think I will continue to worry just in case. If we all worry hard enough, nothing will happen.

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**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-return-you-now-to-your-normal-state-of-anxiety/223747/4 "2004-01-11T00:25:26Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by EddyTeddyFreddy \*  
> \*\*So, do I understand these alert levels correctly?
> 
> 1. Green: Don’t worry, make money.
> 
> 2. Blue: Don’t forget to bring the Flit on your picnic.
> 
> 3. Yellow: Better check under the bed, just in case.
> 
> 4. Orange: Do X-ray scans of all pumpkins before carving.
> 
> 5. Red: Bloody Hell! Fire at will! \*\*

I believe that “Don’t worry, make money” applies to all the colors. It’s just a matter of timing your stock switch from techs to war industrial. For instance, with the recent color rollback, I have now sold General Dynamics and purchased Netflix, but with a reserve holding in Haliburton, since Mr. Ridge’s eyebrows are still in the arched position.

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**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\
**Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-return-you-now-to-your-normal-state-of-anxiety/223747/5 "2004-01-11T01:07:42Z")

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Tom Ridge’s face has been surgically altered so that his eyebrows will never, ever be in any other position than fully arched. The plastic surgeon that did this was the same guy who gave Jacko his last nose job.