# "We were on a break!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 21, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877 "2011-07-21T17:27:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Fair\_Rarity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fair_rarity/32/153_2.png) [@Fair\_Rarity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fair_Rarity)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/121 "2011-07-24T04:05:13Z")
Ross was pretty mad about Mark just being at Rachel’s place. So if Ross had just gone home alone that night and Rachel had slept with Mark (or Paolo or whomever), Ross would have RED ROSSd/MY SANDWICH?!ed out. He would have thought it was wrong if Rachel did it, so therefore he knows on some level he was wrong, therefore Rachel was right. She’s not blameless and both could have handled it better, though. Remember too that one of the things that upset her most was that Chloe was still at Ross’s apartment when she showed up and Ross spent the whole day trying to quell the story. I think just as much of her anger at him came from the cover-up than from the sex. I don’t think she was wrong for having Mark around. Or at least, it was more kind of oblivious than malicious. If Ross had said “Look, he just makes me uncomfortable. Could you just do me a favor and not spend time alone with him? After Carol/Susan, I still have some trust things,” I’m sure she would have dressed up like Leia and humored him, but his whiny little needling made her not take him seriously. I think too that when they were at the beach, I’d probably have fallen asleep reading her letter too (“Front and back!”), but him not being able to say, “Look, I fell asleep,” or skip to the end or something… that he was just willing to pretend he read it was just more lies by him that did more damage. I thought the whole storyline was great. I loved the “We were on a break!” comments throughout the seasons. The big fights still crack me up. “FINE BY ME!” Even though I side with Rachel, I didn’t turn against Ross because both of them were nearly equally sympathetic/unsympathetic most of the time. It put good sit and com in sitcom. ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/122 "2011-07-24T10:37:44Z")
> [@Ruby Sees](#): > > Ross would have RED ROSSd/MY SANDWICH?!ed out. this made me laugh for like 5 minutes. stoid, was the definition really necessary? i could make a case for all 6 of those, if i had the energy or desire to do so, but i don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/123 "2011-07-24T11:39:51Z")
Objectively, I think Ross was right, but subjectively, I hate Ross so much that I could never take his side. So I think Rachel was right due to her not being Ross. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/124 "2011-07-24T14:57:47Z")
> [@expectopatronum](#): > > …about rachel and gunther, yes, she’s oblivious to it. he confesses his love to her in the series finale. I vaguely remember that. Remind me again how she responds? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/125 "2011-07-24T15:49:26Z")
> [@expectopatronum](#): > > stoid, was the definition really necessary? i could make a case for all 6 of those, if i had the energy or desire to do so, but i don’t. Yes, I agree. I don’t know which of those definitions applied but I think we can all agree that what he did was deeply hurtful to her. ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/126 "2011-07-24T16:11:38Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > I vaguely remember that. Remind me again how she responds? she’s about to leave for paris, and he professes his love (right when ross is about to). she says (not an exact quote but close) “oh, gunther. i love you too. probably not in the same way, but…” and goes on to say something about how when she’s in paris and sees a man with hair golden as the sun, she’ll be reminded of him. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/127 "2011-07-24T16:23:15Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > As for the OP, maybe it’s because I’m a guy, but I agreed with Ross. I’m a woman and I agree with Ross. I always hated Ross as a character too, but he was not in the wrong, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/128 "2011-07-24T17:15:34Z")
Lets have a break means just that, even if she didn’t say “I think that we should see other people”. Much as I don’t like Rosses character, and much as I fancy J.A. to death, her character was in the wrong on this one. ---
**Author:** ![alexandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@alexandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alexandra)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/129 "2011-07-24T17:27:05Z")
> [@Darkhold](#): > > I hated Ross. I hated his whiny character. I hated his selfishness, pettiness, jealousy and everything else about him. > > But he didn’t cheat. She told him they were on a break, clarified it wasn’t just from the argument but from the relationship, then allowed the one person she knew he was irrationally jealous of come over while she was alone in the apartment. He checked then double checked then triple checked her meaning. If you don’t want your boyfriend to screw other people don’t break up with him. Don’t expect him to go meekly home and cry into his pillow about how much you broke his heart. > > BTW Rachel already broke his spirit once over the whole ‘list’ thing he did when he was torn between her and Julie. She just expected him to do the same again. Tough luck. Whaaaat? I agree that Ross wasn’t a cheater in this case, but the list thing was horrible for Rachel to have to read and I really don’t see how it was her fault in that case. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/130 "2011-07-24T17:31:08Z")
I thought Rachel wanted to have her cake and eat it too. A break means “Oh, let’s break up temporarily!” I’ve seen other women and guys use the “let’s take a break” tractic, IRL, and it usually means: “I’m interested in this other person and there’s some great potential there. So I’d like to break things off to take the opportunity to explore this new option. But I don’t REALLY want to take any risk and lose the stability I already have, so it will just be a ‘break’ to keep that door open. That way, if it doesn’t work out with this new person, I still have the ‘dumpee’ waiting in the wings as a back-up plan.” If it worked out with the new guy, Ross would be dumped permanently. If it didn’t work out with the new guy, then the “break” would be over. But Ross was a whiny, clingy, desperate little turd and Rachel should have just plain ol’ DUMPED him from the get go. None of this “break” nonesense. ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/131 "2011-07-24T19:17:05Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > I thought Rachel wanted to have her cake and eat it too. A break means “Oh, let’s break up temporarily!” rachel wasn’t interested in anyone else. she only suggested the break out of frustration because ross would not accept the fact that there was nothing going on with her and mark and kept harping on it. she says the next day she didn’t want a break, it was said in the heat of the moment. in fact, when rachel does go on a date with mark (well after she and ross were split) she doesn’t sleep with him because she feels guilty, even though she’s no longer with ross. i’d hardly classify any of that as rachel wanting to have her cake and eat it too. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/132 "2011-07-24T19:46:24Z")
> [@expectopatronum](#): > > rachel wasn’t interested in anyone else. she only suggested the break out of frustration because ross would not accept the fact that there was nothing going on with her and mark and kept harping on it. she says the next day she didn’t want a break, it was said in the heat of the moment. in fact, when rachel does go on a date with mark (well after she and ross were split) she doesn’t sleep with him because she feels guilty, even though she’s no longer with ross. i’d hardly classify any of that as rachel wanting to have her cake and eat it too. Agreed. People seem to be putting their own relationship experiences on top of the Ross and Rachel drama instead of looking at just what’s on screen. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/133 "2011-07-24T21:26:44Z")
> [@expectopatronum](#): > > rachel wasn’t interested in anyone else. she only suggested the break out of frustration because ross would not accept the fact that there was nothing going on with her and mark and kept harping on it. she says the next day she didn’t want a break, it was said in the heat of the moment. in fact, when rachel does go on a date with mark (well after she and ross were split) she doesn’t sleep with him because she feels guilty, even though she’s no longer with ross. i’d hardly classify any of that as rachel wanting to have her cake and eat it too. I agree that Rachel wasn’t interested in Mark, but from Ross’ POV the fact that Mark is at her apartment confirms his suspicions that she was. The fact that this was all an unfortunate misunderstanding is the stuff of all sitcoms. Rachel may have just wanted him to back off for a few days but from Ross’ viewpoint she had dumped him and moved on. ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/134 "2011-07-25T12:29:27Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Agreed. People seem to be putting their own relationship experiences on top of the Ross and Rachel drama instead of looking at just what’s on screen. bingo. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/135 "2011-07-25T21:45:29Z")
> [@expectopatronum](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > Agreed. People seem to be putting their own relationship experiences on top of the Ross and Rachel drama instead of looking at just what’s on screen. > > bingo. You want me to take all of my personal quirks and preconceptions out when pondering what’s on screen? Fair enough: _ **Ross** _ thought they were on a break, which he thinks is of such overwhelming importance that he honestly believes repeating that single sentence will make everything okay. And, eventually, _ **Rachel** _ takes him back. ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/136 "2011-07-26T00:01:56Z")
that’s true enough. so? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/137 "2011-07-26T01:06:17Z")
> [@expectopatronum](#): > > that’s true enough. so? So what’s the debate, if that’s how Ross feels and that’s how Rachel feels? ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/138 "2011-07-26T01:58:37Z")
what you said doesn’t end the debate. yes, ross repeats the same argument over and over, and yes, rachel eventually takes him back. both true. rachel never agreed with ross’s stance on the issue. she only took him back after believing falsely that he had taken responsibility for his actions and admitted he was wrong. this lasts all of a day before it’s revealed ross didn’t really feel this way and they break up again. the issue was never truly resolved on the show’s 10 year run so i doubt it’ll happen here either. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/139 "2011-07-26T02:24:55Z")
Well, didn’t you yourself “bingo” that very approach? ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877/140 "2011-07-26T02:40:43Z")
i did. however, the two statements he made, both of which are perfectly true, don’t explore the issue thoroughly, or come close to resolving it. it’s possible to delve a little deeper into the issue, using the facts as presented onscreen, without bringing our own personal relationship issues into it. it’s not like we have to do so entirely. our experiences color our opinions, and why shouldn’t they? however, i’m seeing more than one person say something along the lines of “rachel wanted a break, oh she wants it both ways, she’s that girl” because haven’t we all had someone drop the “seeing other people” line on us before? but that’s simply not how it happened on the show, which makes me think some people are projecting a little. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/we-were-on-a-break/589877.md?page=8)