# Wealthy, but hard to find joy **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 25, 2023, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101 "2023-08-25T23:56:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/21 "2023-08-26T01:43:23Z")
I’m waiting for Lucinda Williams to reply. ---
**Author:** ![Tride](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tride/32/13907_2.png) [@Tride](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tride)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/22 "2023-08-26T01:46:57Z")
We have 2 pups, and they are saving me. Lucas is a Pit, Aussie Shepherd, Heeler mix, Cole is a Pit, Staffordshire, Shar Pei, Chihuahua mix. Sweetest boys ever–we’ve only had single girl dogs. This is so much fun! ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/23 "2023-08-26T02:11:08Z")
> [@Tride](#): > > We have 2 pups, and they are saving me. So glad to hear! You need them as much as they need you! I contributed my comment only on the basis of how important my previous dog was to my life at the time. No one who has not been emotionally involved with a dog – and I use that term seriously and sincerely – could understand the importance of that relationship. To them, it’s “just a dog”. To the person involved, it can be a lifeline to stability. Good book for those who may be interested: > **[Pack of Two: The Intricate Bond Between People and Dogs by Caroline Knapp](https://www.publishersweekly.com/9780385316989)** > > Following her bestselling memoir, Drinking: A Love Story, Knapp's account of her ""mutual and unambiguous and exceptionally priv... ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/24 "2023-08-26T04:19:46Z")
A book recommendation: The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. She spent a year researching happiness, and trying all the different suggestions to see what worked for her. She has a lot of interesting ideas. What I like most about her is that she very much recognizes that what worked for her isn’t always going to work for others. She encourages people to do their own happiness project. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/25 "2023-08-26T11:44:03Z")
We could organize multiple seasonal Dopefests up at your place. Less travel for you. Great conversation. Whine\* and cheese and foodie stuff. Book readings. Music. One act plays …the mind; it boggles. \*I know. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/26 "2023-08-26T11:48:19Z")
I think the idea that one ought to seek “joy” or “happiness” is somewhat of a sucker’s game, because how many of us find/achieve it, and what do the rest of us do when we fall short? I think it more reasonable to seek comfort, contentment, and moments of pleasure. To some extent, we are all just looking for ways to fill the time until we die. I’m fortunate that I have a couple of hobbies - music and golf - that afford me enough interaction with people I like, and enough “challenges”, and which I can “hopefully” enjoy until I’m pretty decrepit. One of my golf buddies told me a couple of decades ago that when you retire you need 3 things. You don’t need a ton of each, but you need enough of each: 1. Health sufficient to do what you want; 2. Money enough to be comfortable; and 3. Something to do. (Paraphrased and shortened.) I thought (and still think) that wise. If you agree, sounds like you are kinda teetering on #1, and need to work on figuring out #3. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/27 "2023-08-26T12:40:22Z")
kids … they up your joy they lower your wealth … _(I have a couple of those that I could send you over)_ ---
**Author:** ![Tride](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tride/32/13907_2.png) [@Tride](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tride)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/28 "2023-08-26T13:00:09Z")
Yeah, #1 is definitely affecting #3. Maybe I should try swinging a club with the new shoulder. Should try pickleball again now that I’ve had 2 cortisone shots in the neck. That was fun but put the hurt on me. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/29 "2023-08-26T13:38:49Z")
Dr. Laurie Santos has researched the science of happiness and has taught her course at Yale. You can learn the principles for free by starting with her podcast, [The Happiness Lab](https://www.drlauriesantos.com/happiness-lab-podcast). If this avenue works for you, I’ll happily accept any finder’s fee you affluent folks deem appropriate. 😁 ---
**Author:** ![Tride](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tride/32/13907_2.png) [@Tride](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tride)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/30 "2023-08-26T13:49:39Z")
Thanks for all the kind thoughts and suggestions! Heading to Salmon ID for a week of rafting and zero internet, both of which should be awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/31 "2023-08-26T13:55:38Z")
I generally agree that the more you look for happiness, the less happy you are. But one thing you didn’t mention in your OP is whether or not you have a community, because that’s pretty much the #1 predictor of happiness. The more you feel like you are contributing to your community, the better you will feel, and I don’t think donating is gonna cut it. Try getting your hands dirty. Help out a neighbor. Support a friend emotionally. Whatever you can do for others. Try it, see how you feel. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/32 "2023-08-26T15:19:17Z")
We’re bombarded with images of happiness all the time - TV, social media, ads, etc. We’re supposed to be effing happy all the time, right? And if we’re not feeling it then there must be something wrong. Uplugging for a while is a good solution. Also, not paying attention to news, and appreciating what you have can alleviate that feeling of happiness fatigue. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/33 "2023-08-26T16:45:57Z")
You can create reasonable conditions to foster happiness but you can’t make it so. Rather than limit yourself to smaller spheres you can better control, it may be wiser to focus on virtues like meaning, authenticity, play, self-compassion, creativity and faith which you can actually do something about. Joy and happiness are secondary things. ---
**Author:** ![xtenkfarpl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c2a13f/32.png) [@xtenkfarpl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xtenkfarpl)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2023, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/34 "2023-08-26T19:20:57Z")
What interests or excites you? We live in a wonderful time for science. There are interesting discoveries all the time, it is fun to keep track of them. I like music, perhaps you could find some that gives you joy? Try picking up an instrument and see what you can do with it? There are more books than you can read in a lifetime… try some? Learn something new every day. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2023, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/35 "2023-08-27T12:27:56Z")
> [@Tride](#): > > And, FTR, this is not a stealth brag. I don’t really see it as a “stealth brag”. Having turned 50 this year and being reasonably well off, I think “finding joy” can be a challenge at that age, particularly if you have achieved a degree of financial success. Like in your 20s, 30s, and 40s you spend a lot of time preparing and building for some abstract sense of “the future”. Well, now the future is here, so now what do you do with yourself all day? ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2023, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/36 "2023-08-27T13:14:21Z")
Yeah it’s different not needing anything. And I really don’t. I still work, but mainly for the health insurance. Due to COVID, I’m working from home and will until I retire. I LOVE being able to do that. My wife and I are taking more extravagant vacations now. But not every year. Still need to visit her family. And while enjoyable, I don’t consider that a vacation. About 5 years ago, my wife and I started playing chess. Now cribbage too. It’s not joy per-se, but it’s very nice instead of turning on the TV. We play a lot, pretty much every day. I travel to Denver quite a bit to take care of my moms estate. When I’m down there, we play online. OP - perhaps try something like that. It’s nice for me, When in a game, I can totally immerse myself and remove myself from life. We also have two dogs that keep us busy. ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2023, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/37 "2023-08-27T14:59:29Z")
not meant as condescending: … but it does sound like a **first world problem** … maybe that “armchair diagnostics” can help you (in a way that it is not necesarily an individual problem, but a problem that many more people have … and thusly googleable) in search of a purpose … ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2023, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/38 "2023-08-27T15:19:06Z")
> [@Al128](#): > > … but it does sound like a **first world problem** … Of couse, at least for my self. We do have to replace a septic system for 75k. That’s gonna leave a bit of a mark on my ready cash. BUT I can do it. It’s gonna hurt though. That much money and really, nothing to ‘show’ for it. We should be able to re-coup some when we sell just by the fact that’s it’s a brand new updated system. And of course being able to use the bathroom is kinda important. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2023, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/39 "2023-08-27T15:20:05Z")
_Seventy-five thousand_ for a septic system? Wow. That’s a lot. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2023, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101/40 "2023-08-27T15:26:50Z")
Yeah. Crazy. It has to do with where we live. The system has to be completely relocated and equipment will have a hard time getting to it, A 'road/access needs to be built. It gets complicated and we are not grandfathered in for new codes (seems strange). Because it needed relocated, we are updating the size as well. It will be big enough for 8 people. A selling point for the house. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wealthy-but-hard-to-find-joy/989101.md?page=3)