# Webster's Dictionary **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 5, 2001, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936 "2001-04-05T15:58:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c77e96/32.png) [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/41 "2001-04-08T13:40:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fiver \* > **As usual, you’ve all missed a critical piece of evidence. Hoff was a drummer. Not a gunner, a drummer! And yet this poor young man was charged with setting down his drum and picking up a box of matches; a boy sent to do a man’s job.** I suspect that this is where the root of the problem lies. When Border gave the Order did he KNOW who was going to carry those orders out? I postulate that someone far beneath Border, (Chowder perhaps?) either handed those matches to the unwitting Drummer OR that Hoff did no such firing and was simply framed of the crime. Therein lies the afforementioned conspiracy theory. I believe Hoff to have been a victim of discrimination and of evidence planting. \*\* > [@](#): > > You’re all a bunch of bargain-basement Nuremberg judges, flinging scorn into the bloodstained graves of Border, Scott, Hoff and the other noble souls who fought and died, while calling for the testimony of the absent tin soldier (a _deserter_, might I point out) to clear everything up!\*\* I beseach you good sir! I am not a “bargain basement” anything! I’ll have you know that I’m QUITE expensive! \*\* > [@](#): > > Have any of you considered questioning the only eyewitness who’s actually been posting to this thread? Tell us, **SexyWriter** , what were you, a civilian, doing on a battlefield and in a position to get your dress stained in the first place?\*\* I was only doing my job as a writer! Gathering newsworthy bits for some rag or other. \*\* > [@](#): > > Or should I say “positions?” Yes, that’s right: you were there to provide “aid and comfort” to the troops, weren’t you? And it was your distaste for Colonel Mustard’s muttonchop sideburns that drove him away from the battlefield, away into the fickle arms of Miss Scarlet. No doubt it was the loss of the colonel’s battle experience that allowed the day to be lost for gallant General Border. _J’accuse_, **SexyWriter**! _J’accuse_!\*\* How dare you accuse me! I did NOT have relations with that Drummer! I repeat: I did NOT have relations with that Drummer! And how is it MY fault if Mustard had those horrific mutton chops? Miss Scarlet is to blame here for luring that fashion retardate away from the battlefield…not I for repelling him! Snatch her and interrogate her. But be sure not to let her speak a word to the Tin Man prior to interrogation of them both. I think those two are dangerous! ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/42 "2001-04-08T13:59:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SexyWriter \* > \*\*But be sure not to let her speak a word to the Tin Man prior to interrogation of them both. I think those two are dangerous! \*\* Your setting up the Tin Man is just a straw-man argument, and frankly, I think that’s just a cowardly line. ---
**Author:** ![nikjohns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/53a042/32.png) [@nikjohns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikjohns)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/43 "2001-04-08T14:53:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eutychus55 \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by SexyWriter \* > > \*\*But be sure not to let her speak a word to the Tin Man prior to interrogation of them both. I think those two are dangerous! \*\* > > Your setting up the Tin Man is just a straw-man argument, and frankly, I think that’s just a cowardly line. \*\* I agree… surely thats no way toto behave 😃 _ducks and runs_ ---
**Author:** ![Sterra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Sterra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sterra)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/44 "2001-04-08T15:26:45Z")
I thought **Chief Scott** brought the shot. ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/45 "2001-04-08T17:05:50Z")
No, **ChiefScott** regularly fires it off at Lieutenant O’Reilly who brought the smilies. It’s been reported on many times. ---
**Author:** ![nikjohns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/53a042/32.png) [@nikjohns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikjohns)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/46 "2001-04-08T17:38:29Z")
**Asmodean** who was too mean and **Arden Ranger** who found the manger ---
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/47 "2001-04-08T19:46:03Z")
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And **Polycarp** played the harp. **nikjohns** bought municipal bonds. And **eutychus** ’ base arebelongtous. ---
**Author:** ![Gawain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Gawain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gawain)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2001, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/48 "2001-06-08T14:35:50Z")
While this thread seems to have taken a left turn (and then a right, and then just settled into a comfortable spiral), I would like to head back towards the general vicinity of the original post and ask a dictionary question. Why is the word “dictionary” in the dictionary? If you need to know how to spell it, look on the cover. If you don’t know what it means, how can you possibly be looking it up in the first place? ---
**Author:** ![nerv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/85e7bf/32.png) [@nerv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nerv)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2001, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/49 "2001-06-08T16:34:13Z")
Obviously, the word dictionary has to be in the dictionary. If it were not, those fond of the annoying habit which started this thread could simply be told that the definition they are quoting comes from something which, as it is not listed in the dictionary, does not exist. Herein lies the solution to the problem, I think. Of course most dictionaries have many omissions. Few, if any, list the word “gullible”, for example. Apologies in advance, but a few will fall for it. ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2001, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/50 "2001-06-08T19:03:13Z")
All I want to know is why **andros** has only 7 posts. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2001, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/51 "2001-06-08T21:55:16Z")
Oh my God. What kind of drugs are you people on and can I have some? [sub]This is unsettlingly reminiscent of my brother analyzing _Caps For Sale_ when he was in 8th grade.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2001, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/52 "2001-06-08T22:51:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lsura \* > **Oh my God. What kind of drugs are you people on** Good ones. Very, very good ones! I just took some. \*\* > [@](#): > > and can I have some? > \*\* Maybe. They’re only available through a small group of suppliers. Every major city has a few, but to get them, you have to wear a red long-stemmed carnation woven into your belt loop on the left side of your pants (your left side, not the pants). But…and this is the important part…when you’re approached by someone who says “Tut-tut! It looks like rain.” you will be in grave danger unless you reply by moving your lookit all the lizards! What’s with all those lizards on the monitor? Theeeay’re pretty lizardssssapvvapeovk doav. Gudacwk, ari83kc jfe aalntlomnen fiavesrlku31. Faunbenal afew fewbcy abnn, andve. Falcbi fiwn ly fainv! Fainv!! FAINV! ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2001, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/53 "2001-06-09T01:28:12Z")
[uh ohhhhhh](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/managram.html)… heh. ---
**Author:** ![AxeElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e99b99/32.png) [@AxeElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AxeElf)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2001, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/54 "2001-06-09T03:47:56Z")
“The first time I read the dictionary, I thought it was a poem about everything.” –Steven Wright ---
**Author:** ![Spavined\_Gelding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Spavined\_Gelding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spavined_Gelding)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2001, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/55 "2001-06-09T04:43:54Z")
If you feel a need for drugs, just ask your doctor what he takes. Maybe they will work for you. Has no one noticed that our friend the drummer parts his hair down the middle, has a thin-penciled mustache and a certain furtive possum look about him? Their, my friends, is our culprit. Caught red handed, in flagrante delecto (which may or may not be Latin for “in the saddle,” I’ll have to check a dictionary), as it were. What the hell was he supposed to have done? I’ve forgotten. ---
**Author:** ![Beruang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/77aa72/32.png) [@Beruang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beruang)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2001, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/56 "2001-06-09T08:11:50Z")
I recently wrote an article using the offending phrase. My argument was we can’t discuss a topic (in this case, excellence in museum exhibition) unless we first agree on what it is, what it means. The definition of “excellence” is “exceeding standards and expectations,” or some such. And I went off on a riff about how we don’t even have agreed-upon standards in this field, how can we possibly have a common definition of “excellence.” Perhaps a tad hoary, but I felt it got the job done. So hang me. – Beruang ---
**Author:** ![Spiritus\_Mundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Spiritus\_Mundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiritus_Mundi)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2001, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/57 "2001-06-09T15:09:54Z")
Es ist Beruanghangestage? [sub]_runs to fetch rope_[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Kaje](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f04885/32.png) [@Kaje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaje)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2001, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/58 "2001-06-09T17:13:57Z")
ok this is great and all… but back to the ORIGINAL question, people who begin speeches with “[ANY DICTIONARY] defines blaahblah” should be shot not because they consider the modern dictionary to be an authority on language, but simply because it’s the most retarded and cliched way to start out a speech and by doing so you automatically render the contents of your speech subject to a) riotous laughter (not laughing with you…but at you) and b) incredibility. That said, Hoff was framed. ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2001, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/59 "2001-06-10T00:28:38Z")
If you look in the dictionary under “redundant”, does it say “see REDUNDANT”??? ---
**Author:** ![Fogglethorpe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Fogglethorpe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fogglethorpe)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2001, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936/60 "2001-06-10T11:52:10Z")
I had no idea that the dictionary actually had an author, or that it was Immanuel Lewis! * * * “Come on Foggy, get to the point!” -Foggy [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/websters-dictionary/60936.md?page=4)