# Wedding annoyance--people who don't or won't RSVP **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 11, 2010, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-annoyance-people-who-dont-or-wont-rsvp/553397 "2010-09-11T13:11:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-annoyance-people-who-dont-or-wont-rsvp/553397/101 "2010-09-16T02:17:25Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > > [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > > > This is correct. If you are invited, send a gift. > > It’s not exactly that you are supposed to send a gift if you are invited- after all, you might be receive a completely inappropriate invitation and decline. This would not trigger any obligation to send a gift. However, if you would normally attend your niece’s wedding and give her a gift as a token of your love and affection , but cannot attend for some reason , you should still give her the gift. Presumably , you still feel love and affection for her even though you cannot attend, and the gift is not the price of admission to the party. Exactly. You are not required to send a gift to each and every invitation you receive, but if you wish to send one, do it. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-annoyance-people-who-dont-or-wont-rsvp/553397/102 "2010-09-16T04:22:38Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > > [@kittenblue](#): > > > > As as to the gift dilemma? I go by Miss Manners and all the other classic etiquette people…not these newcomers who are trying to rewrite the rules to make greedy brides and stores that make money on gift registries happy! > > Emily post was born in the 1870s. In 1945, Emily Post wrote: > [@](#): > > Announcements require neither reply nor presents, ever. And there is no obligation to send a present or even to reply to an engraved invitation to the church only. An invitation by written note requires a reply and also a gift. It is customary (but not obligatory) to send a present if you accept the invitation to the reception. You naturally give a wedding present to the bride who is an intimate friend, or who is the daughter of an intimate friend, whether she has a large wedding or one so small that not even you are invited to it. In many cases you send a present to a bride whom you don’t know who is marrying a man who is an old friend. You _must_ send a present to one who is marrying into your family. So according to her, no present is required for the invitations we are discussing here - printed (or engraved) “form letter” invitations. If the wedding is so small (or you are so important to the bride and bridegroom) that you are invited by a personal letter, you must send a gift, and you must send a gift when your own relatives marry. Incidentally, I would be suspicious of etiquette advice posted on [weddingclipart.com](http://weddingclipart.com), but that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-annoyance-people-who-dont-or-wont-rsvp/553397/103 "2010-09-16T13:06:20Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > I think some were missing the point **CandidGamera** was trying to make …he meant to never send out written invitations that require an RSVP. He felt you should personally call everyone on the list, or talk to them face to face, and get your answer immediately. Thank you. Yes, to illustrate : 1.) Some parties require you to know how many people are attending. 2.) Some of the parties described in 1) are too large to practically do personal (face to face or phone) invitations, leaving you only with the option of using indirect (Written, email, whatever) invitations. 3.) Some people aren’t going to respond to an indirect invitation. 4.) If 3) bothers you, you have two options. Don’t throw a party as described under 2), or suck it up and deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-annoyance-people-who-dont-or-wont-rsvp/553397/104 "2010-09-16T14:02:49Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > > [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > > > Emily post was born in the 1870s. > > In 1945, Emily Post wrote: > > > [@](#): > > > > Announcements require neither reply nor presents, ever. And there is no obligation to send a present or even to reply to an engraved invitation to the church only. An invitation by written note requires a reply and also a gift. It is customary (but not obligatory) to send a present if you accept the invitation to the reception. You naturally give a wedding present to the bride who is an intimate friend, or who is the daughter of an intimate friend, whether she has a large wedding or one so small that not even you are invited to it. In many cases you send a present to a bride whom you don’t know who is marrying a man who is an old friend. You _must_ send a present to one who is marrying into your family. > > So according to her, no present is required for the invitations we are discussing here - printed (or engraved) “form letter” invitations. . I think you read that wrong. According to that, no reply is require for a)an annoucement or b)an invitation to attend the wedding service _only_. (I assume the reasoning is that most churches have lots of seating and don’t charge admission) That _does not_ say no reply is required to a formal printed invite to a reception. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-annoyance-people-who-dont-or-wont-rsvp/553397/105 "2010-09-16T15:36:08Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > I think you read that wrong. According to that, no reply is require for a)an annoucement or b)an invitation to attend the wedding service _only_. (I assume the reasoning is that most churches have lots of seating and don’t charge admission) > > That _does not_ say no reply is required to a formal printed invite to a reception. I wasn’t talking about replies, I was talking about gifts. I agree that a reply is required. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-annoyance-people-who-dont-or-wont-rsvp/553397/106 "2010-09-16T15:37:06Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > > [@Hello\_Again](#): > > > > I think you read that wrong. According to that, no reply is require for a)an annoucement or b)an invitation to attend the wedding service _only_. (I assume the reasoning is that most churches have lots of seating and don’t charge admission) > > > > That _does not_ say no reply is required to a formal printed invite to a reception. > > I wasn’t talking about replies, I was talking about gifts. I agree that a reply is required. :smack: Who’s not reading right now? :smack::smack: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-annoyance-people-who-dont-or-wont-rsvp/553397.md?page=5)