# Wedding dress on wedding guest? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 20, 2015, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414 "2015-05-20T10:20:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/41 "2015-05-20T16:51:59Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > **Shodan** ’s mother must have never been invited to a black tie wedding where formal attire is expected of all guests. Most men wear black tux’s so precluding black tux’s being worn by guests would inappropriate and tacky to say the least. Oooooh… etiquette smack-down!! ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/42 "2015-05-20T17:25:55Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I in no way “attempted to confuse” the question of attire at a wedding with “Bridezilla shit.” My mention of Bridezilla was _specifically_ on response to the “it’s the bride’s day” trope. You do realize we can go back and read what you said earlier, right? What you said, that I quoted, was: > [@](#): > > In my own view, people need to fucking relax about weddings and not treat them like performances in which every participant’s actions are scripted and controlled. That was two posts before the first mention of “it’s the bride’s day.” Treating weddings “like performances in which every participant’s actions are scripted and controlled” - maybe you didn’t use the _word_ ‘Bridezilla’ in that post, but you described the condition aptly enough. It wasn’t like you were saying anything new by using the word itself later. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/43 "2015-05-20T17:34:01Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > **Shodan** ’s mother must have never been invited to a black tie wedding where formal attire is expected of all guests. Most men wear black tux’s so precluding black tux’s being worn by guests would inappropriate and tacky to say the least. On the other hand, **Shodan** ’s mother knows that the plural of “tux” is “tuxes”. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/44 "2015-05-20T17:42:31Z")
nm. Forgot to refresh. Again. Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/45 "2015-05-20T17:43:22Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > You do realize we can go back and read what you said earlier, right? > > What you said, that I quoted, was: > > That was two posts before the first mention of “it’s the bride’s day.” > > Treating weddings “like performances in which every participant’s actions are scripted and controlled” - maybe you didn’t use the _word_ ‘Bridezilla’ in that post, but you described the condition aptly enough. It wasn’t like you were saying anything new by using the word itself later. I think I’ve said enough about my feelings in this matter to make any response to this superfluous. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/46 "2015-05-20T18:10:24Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > No. This is the kind of meme that fuels misogynistic tropes like “Bridezillas.” It is not the bride’s day. It’s _everybody’s_ day to celebrate the union of the _couple_. > > It is a celebration of a new link in the chain of the entire social group. It is a celebration of family and society that is represented by this new couple. > > It is not a coronation or an ascension in which the bride is worshipped and revered as a individual apart from her social group. > > Whatever else one might say about appropriate etiquette at a wedding, we need to dump this toxic meme that it’s the “bride’s day.” This and “a pedestrian has the right of way” are both correct. In theory. I’ll leave it to the reader to decide the risk of trying to enforce either in reality. Oddly enough, though, the results will likely be the same… ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/47 "2015-05-20T18:46:39Z")
Some wedding dresses are understated. So I could see a clueless but well-intentioned mother-in-law thinking her dress wouldn’t necessarily overshadow the bride’s. However, the pictures. The bride, understandably, wants to be the one wearing white so that she stands out. It’s not about being Bridezilla. It’s about wanting your picture to look the way you want it to. I say the only way it wouldn’t be tacky is if the mother-in-law asked bride and groom if it was alright and they gave their consent enthusiastically. But I think if you’ve got to ask if something it’s alright, you’re probably skirting the edge of appropriateness. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/48 "2015-05-20T19:34:32Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Weddings cost a fortune, so it makes a lot of sense to have an alternate on hand in case the bride gets cold feet. This can often be prevented if the bride wears sufficiently thick stockings under her dress. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/49 "2015-05-20T21:22:08Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Not at all, if they’re the same person. Oedipus, is that you? ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/50 "2015-05-20T21:23:21Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > On the other hand, **Shodan** ’s mother knows that the plural of “tux” is “tuxes”. I thought it was “tuxen.” ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/51 "2015-05-20T21:25:11Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > I thought it was “tuxen.” The plural of tux is ti. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/52 "2015-05-20T21:59:32Z")
Tuces ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/53 "2015-05-20T22:40:29Z")
I thought it was Monkey Suits. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b782af/32.png) [@Why\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_Child)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2015, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/54 "2015-05-20T23:08:03Z")
I once attended a wedding with a man who was friends with the groom’s side of the family. He warned me ahead of time that they were a bit…“off.” Yes, the future MIL wore white. Pure white satin with lace. :eek: No pearls, no veil, and the dress was knee-length, but I was still shocked. The bride, 8 months pregnant, also wore white satin. :dubious: While she was walking down the aisle, the groom bounced the red dot of a laser pointer back and forth across her breasts. :smack: It was…um…very interesting. (I gotta admit, the reception was a blast!! 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/55 "2015-05-21T00:02:48Z")
I saw the [Dear Prudence column](http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2015/05/dear_prudence_my_future_mother_in_law_wants_to_wear_her_wedding_dress_to.html) today and remember seeing at least one advice column in the past where a bride-to-be had heard that a guest planned to wear her own wedding gown to the ceremony. So I too was wondering how common this sort of thing might be. > [@sugar\_and\_spice](#): > > I kinda wonder (not having seen the article) if the MILs wedding dress was just a regular evening dress or evening suit? Someone suggested this to Prudence, and she said that if it was just a regular dress then this should be a nonissue. She felt it was safe to assume it was a “real wedding dress”. FWIW the bride-to-be who wrote in didn’t come across as a “Bridezilla” type who’d make a big deal about a dress that wasn’t obviously a wedding gown. She said she wasn’t so much concerned about what her future mother-in-law wore as she was about what message future MIL was trying to send. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/56 "2015-05-21T00:19:00Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Someone has to be the first in order for a new tradition to happen. At one point it was considered gauche to wear “dinner jackets” (tuxedos) instead of tails to a formal ceremony like a wedding. Someone started doing it. Maybe that someone was mentally off, so maybe we need crazy people to push on our traditions. And in ancient Rome the entire wedding party dressed in identical clothes to confuse the evil spirits. > [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > Yeah, wedding etiquette in West Virginia might be a little different. I’m sure the Hapsburgs had their own set of wedding etiquette rules, too. I was going to say Targaryens, but sure. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/57 "2015-05-21T00:49:01Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > As for black being a no-no, why? What’s a no-no is wearing anything that could be worn as mourning clothes to a wedding. You don’t want to be mistaken for someone protesting the wedding by coming in mourning clothes. I don’t kn ow if anyone has ever actually done this, but apparently it used to be a common threat. > [@sugar\_and\_spice](#): > > I kinda wonder (not having seen the article) if the MILs wedding dress was just a regular evening dress or evening suit? maybe something she wore for a (recent) 2nd wedding? There have always been women who get married in a off-the-rack dress from the department store, not necessarily white in color. Actually my dress was white but it was ordered from Macy’s evening wear department, didn’t have a train and looked like something you might pack for a cruise. I wouldn’t wear it to a wedding but if we had a formal party to go to I might add a pink scarf and wear it. > > I mean, wearing your original white wedding dress just seems to off-the-wall to actually be true. Yeah; my wedding dress came off the rack from a little shop where I paid $24.50 for it. It was blue, and I’ve worn it again, although, not to a wedding that I can recall. I look terrible in white, and I don’t like clothes that are confining. Or laughably expensive. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/58 "2015-05-21T03:59:12Z")
> [@Why\_Child](#): > > While she was walking down the aisle, the groom bounced the red dot of a laser pointer back and forth across her breasts. :smack: I don’t remember Emily Post ever tackling that one. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/59 "2015-05-21T04:21:37Z")
My nicest suit is a black pinstripe. It’s what I always wear to weddings (and funerals, and job interviews). I never considered that it could be some sort of fau paux. It never crossed my mind that anyone would be paying the least bit of attention to me or what I was wearing. I seem to recall other men wearing similar things but maybe they were navy rather than true black. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/60 "2015-05-21T06:47:15Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Because I’m your mother, and I raised you better than that. > > Regards, > Shodan’s Mother, Wielder of the Disapproving Gaze. Trust me, you do not want the Disapproving Gaze. I gather that your mother has a black belt in Disapproving Gaze. Does she wear it to weddings, or does her sense of propriety force her to be willing to unleash it upon people who have not been adequately warned? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414.md?page=4)