# Wedding dress on wedding guest? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 20, 2015, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414 "2015-05-20T10:20:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/61 "2015-05-21T07:50:15Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > This Isn’t Done. > > Regards, > Shodan’s Mother I’ve suddenly got images of Norman Bates running through my head… ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/62 "2015-05-21T21:51:07Z")
I have seen a woman try to out-shine the bride, but even this “Behold at my beauty, all who come near” bitch didn’t go so far as to wear a wedding dress. I am not really up on etiquette, but a WEDDING DRESS at somebody else’s wedding? That is so out there that I would not marry into that family. Pray that the kid was adopted and not actually related to the nut case. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/63 "2015-05-22T08:14:36Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > I’ve never seen a guest show up in a wedding dress, but I did once attend a wedding where the mother of the groom was dressed in such a way that it was obvious she was trying to show up the bride. The bride was wearing a pretty wedding dress and her new MIL was wearing this midnight blue gown covered in swarovski crystals, something I would have expected to see underneath a Miss America sash. She looked like she belonged on the red carpet at the Met gala, not at her son’s wedding. I’m not saying that my mother was trying to make a point about wearing white at my first wedding, but here’s a photo of us.[I’m the one in red](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v359/lalajia/wedding%20pics%20from%20js/robswedding124.jpg) (caught mid making a sarcastic comment to someone) ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/64 "2015-05-22T10:06:12Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > It is not the bride’s day. No, however it IS the bride’s party. If I’m throwing a party, whether it’s a wedding, bar mitzvah, birthday party, or luau, I do have the right to expect my guests to comport themselves within societal norms. If I felt that a person I invited to my party intended to disrupt the party by engaging in odd behavior or dress, I’d be a bit upset. OTOH, it is just a party, one’s reaction to poor behavior needs to reflect that. Running off to another room to bawl for 20 minutes because MIL wore a black dress to my party is a bit over the top. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/65 "2015-05-22T11:41:35Z")
Further inquiries have revealed that the mother of the groom also wanted to bring her old wedding cake, but was dissuaded by he fact that it had sat in that dark room being nibbled by mice all those years. When reached for comment, her only statement was this: “Love her, love her, love her! If she favours you, love her. If she wounds you, love her. If she tears your heart to pieces—and as it gets older and stronger, it will tear deeper—love her, love her, love her!” ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/66 "2015-05-22T11:43:40Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > My nicest suit is a black pinstripe. It’s what I always wear to weddings (and funerals, and job interviews). I never considered that it could be some sort of fau paux. It never crossed my mind that anyone would be paying the least bit of attention to me or what I was wearing. I seem to recall other men wearing similar things but maybe they were navy rather than true black. Pinstripe isn’t mourning clothing. Solid black is. There were men who wore black ties to our weddings with suits of some other color, and I didn’t think it was a sneaky was of symbolic mourning, the way being in all black would. There were women in outfits that had some black, like blue trousers, cream blouses, and jackets that had floral designs on a black background, and that was fine as well. An all-black suit that wasn’t formal wear, or a solid black dress would be different. Now, wearing pinstripe to a funeral… ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/67 "2015-05-22T12:10:55Z")
Do you honestly think that people wearing black suits at a wedding are doing it to indicate mourning? Or do you think that perhaps that this little point has become obscure and outdated? ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/68 "2015-05-22T13:19:55Z")
My mother was very similar to Shodan’s mother, but she didn’t care as much about what the men wore. Suits or tuxes for the men, depending on the formality of the wedding, and no white or black for women. White was the bride’s color, and black was te color of mourning. It would never have occurred to her, or really anyone I knew, that a bridesmaid would wear black. Of course this was a twentieth century view because I have a wedding picture of my great-grandmother in the 1880s with a dark church-type dress and a white veil. We didn’t come from people who could spend money on a white dress for one day. It’s not as if she could wear it again to feed the chickens or do housework. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/69 "2015-05-22T13:49:05Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > . . . it IS the bride’s party. Which very often is paid for by her parents, who have their own ideas about what should and should not be, and who may assert their control on various aspects of the wedding. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/70 "2015-05-22T14:10:21Z")
> [@Cinnamon\_Imp](#): > > I’m not saying that my mother was trying to make a point about wearing white at my first wedding, but here’s a photo of us.[I’m the one in red](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v359/lalajia/wedding%20pics%20from%20js/robswedding124.jpg) (caught mid making a sarcastic comment to someone) Where did you get married? Elsa’s palace? ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/71 "2015-05-22T16:35:00Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Where did you get married? Elsa’s palace? Close - James Bond film set 😉 Aka the [Ice Hotel](http://www.discover-the-world.co.uk/destinations/icehotel-holidays/icehotel-faqs), Jukkasjarvi, Arctic Sweden! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/72 "2015-05-22T17:15:11Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > **Shodan** ’s mother must have never been invited to a black tie wedding where formal attire is expected of all guests. Most men wear black tux’s so precluding black tux’s being worn by guests would inappropriate and tacky to say the least. Not as tacky as a “black tie” wedding. If you want a formal wedding, you require morning dress. 😃 > [@davidm](#): > > My nicest suit is a black pinstripe. It’s what I always wear to weddings (and funerals, and job interviews). I never considered that it could be some sort of fau paux. It never crossed my mind that anyone would be paying the least bit of attention to me or what I was wearing. I seem to recall other men wearing similar things but maybe they were navy rather than true black. I’ve been to 51 weddings since I was 18, not including my own. I’ve worn black suits (both pinstriped and solid) at plenty of them and never received so much as a second glance. Most men only own one suit, if they have one at all, and if you have only one it better be black. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/73 "2015-05-22T18:47:37Z")
I recall an episode of “My Three Sons” from the early 1970s in which Steve is getting dressed to attend a wedding—Robbie’s maybe? He is getting set to wear an ordinary black suit and he’s frantic because he can’t find a pair of black socks. Uncle Charlie finds a pair of blue socks. Steve says he can’t wear blue socks with a black suit. Uncle Charlie suggests wearing a blue suit, but Steve thinks it’s ridiculous to attend in anything but black. All this to say that it doesn’t seem to me that a black suit indicating mourning at a wedding is all that universal a tradition in America. Not in the popular culture of 40 years ago anyway. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/74 "2015-05-22T19:47:29Z")
> [@Cinnamon\_Imp](#): > > Close - James Bond film set 😉 > > Aka the [Ice Hotel](http://www.discover-the-world.co.uk/destinations/icehotel-holidays/icehotel-faqs), Jukkasjarvi, Arctic Sweden! That’s unbelievably awesome. Did they destroy the hotel with space lasers after the ceremony? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/75 "2015-05-22T19:56:16Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Do you honestly think that people wearing black suits at a wedding are doing it to indicate mourning? Or do you think that perhaps that this little point has become obscure and outdated? I think (well, I hope) she literally means wearing all black, as in black shirt and black tie too. ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/76 "2015-05-22T22:25:28Z")
I don’t think a man wearing a black suit looks like he is going to a funeral, especially anymore when I see people in jeans and sneakers at funerals. I know when I was growing up, and my mother would talk about what to wear at weddings, black on men was never a problem because it looked formal, and a black suit, or navy, or charcoal was what men had. Women were the ones who had more rules, because where many men had only a couple of suits, most women had more than a couple of dresses. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2015, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/77 "2015-05-22T22:39:08Z")
I’m going to sit with Shodan’s Mother on this one. 1. You don’t wear black to a wedding. It’s bad luck to dress like you’re at a funeral. 2. You don’t wear a white dress if you’re a woman, because it makes you look insecure and desperate, like maybe you’re never going to have a wedding of your own. 3. You don’t wear evening dress to a wedding because weddings are not evening events, (even if the sun is getting mighty near the yardarm,) and you never, ever, wear evening dress during a day time event. 4. Former brides do not go around wearing their wedding attire because We Are Not [Miss Haversham](http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/11/04/article-2057429-0EA7A88D00000578-764_634x892.jpg) Now, Are We? If the MIL insists on going through with her plan, I would suggest teasing her to her face. There’s only room for one crazy person in a wedding party and you need to establish up front which of you is going to be the ranking loonie. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/78 "2015-05-23T10:21:25Z")
> [@Pai325](#): > > Of course this was a twentieth century view because I have a wedding picture of my great-grandmother in the 1880s with a dark church-type dress and a white veil. We didn’t come from people who could spend money on a white dress for one day. It’s not as if she could wear it again to feed the chickens or do housework. I have a picture of my Mother in the 1940’s with a dark church-type dress. It was a very nice dress, bought specially for the occasion, and she was earning good money as a Doctor at the time, so it wasn’t done to save money. At at my party, I tried to make sure people enjoyed themselves. I expect them to do the same when they have their parties. In principle I don’t mind the idea of guests wearing white wedding dresses, if they want to relive their day I think that’s lovely. But I agree about the photos. I’ll bring a blanket so that the MIL can be in the photos. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/79 "2015-05-23T11:00:45Z")
> [@Pai325](#): > > black on men was never a problem because it looked formal, and a black suit, or navy, or charcoal was what men had. Women were the ones who had more rules, because where many men had only a couple of suits, most women had more than a couple of dresses. > [@Merneith](#): > > I’m going to sit with Shodan’s Mother on this one. > > 1. You don’t wear black to a wedding. It’s bad luck to dress like you’re at a funeral. I wore a charcoal gray suit to my own wedding, and we’re still together \>24 years later. Kind of along the lines of Pai’s comment above, I only had a couple of good-quality suits, it was the most formal one, and damned if I was gonna wear a tux. I’ve worn that suit to a number of other weddings since, and it hasn’t upset anyone that I know of, or affected the longevity of any marriages AFAICT. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2015, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414/80 "2015-05-23T21:14:38Z")
Yes, well, charcoal grey is not black. Even crayola knows that. Grey, blue or brown is all acceptable wedding attire. Blue & Brown are more Summer-y. But the truth is, no one’s looking at what the men are wearing. We know they’re sartorially handicapped by limited mens’ wear. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-dress-on-wedding-guest/720414.md?page=5)