# Wedding etiquette. Need answer fast **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 6, 2012, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925 "2012-10-06T18:45:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/61 "2012-10-09T01:26:22Z")
> [@Eva\_Luna](#): > > That’s actually the norm at Jewish weddings and always has been AFAIK. That was the case in my sister’s wedding in the early '70s and at mine in the 90s. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/62 "2012-10-09T01:34:36Z")
It might be regional , but in my experience showers often have themes. If I’m going to a kitchen shower, and the registry has kitchen towels and pot holders of a particular design on it , then those are the towels and pot holders I will buy. Or the blender, or set of everyday glasses or dishes that are on the registry. Unless it’s my own child getting married, I won’t be buying any china for the shower. If it’s a lingerie shower, there probably isn’t anything suitable on the registry. ---
**Author:** ![Tracyfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f14d63/32.png) [@Tracyfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracyfish)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/63 "2012-10-09T02:34:52Z")
**Audrey** , I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that way. I’d be a bit baffled if someone was offended because I got them one big gift instead of two gifts. At least this explains why my mother-in-law was surprised that I wasn’t giving another gift when we went to my husband’s relative’s wedding a few months ago. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/64 "2012-10-09T09:33:04Z")
Weird. I was under the impression the bride and groom _give_ gifts at the shower (token gifts to the wedding party members) and _get_ gifts at the wedding. Are they expecting gifts at the engagement party now too? Raking in the loot! ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/65 "2012-10-09T10:22:00Z")
> [@jackdavinci](#): > > Weird. I was under the impression the bride and groom _give_ gifts at the shower (token gifts to the wedding party members) and _get_ gifts at the wedding. Are they expecting gifts at the engagement party now too? Raking in the loot! Now? This has been the way for probably 3/4 century or more. Not everyone does it (I had no engagement party, shower was a dinner with a few friends and a small wedding), but its hardly new. ---
**Author:** ![congodwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@congodwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/congodwarf)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/66 "2012-10-09T14:43:09Z")
The bride and groom generally do give gifts to the bridal party members but from what I’ve heard, they do that at the rehearsal dinner. I have managed to never be in a bridal party (thank god) but my fiance was. One groom made a huge effort to get gifts for his guys which were specific to the guy. My guy got two framed original posters from the Return of the Jedi and the Empire Strikes Back. He was delighted. The other groom gave him a beautiful huge glass mug with a very personal message on it (he was best man for his cousin and lifelong friend). I have no idea what brides give to their bridesmaids. ---
**Author:** ![apollonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/67 "2012-10-09T14:47:49Z")
Well, much like grooms, it depends on the individual. Some brides really go all-out to get individual gifts. Some do the all-matching thing, where they’ll give everyone the same necklace or pair of earrings or something. One bride I worked with gave each of her bridesmaids a book that was meaningful to her that she thought they’d enjoy. But these gifts are usually given at the rehearsal dinner or at the reception, or privately. The shower is thrown by someone else to honour the bridal couple and is intended for gifts TO them. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/68 "2012-10-09T15:10:53Z")
> [@apollonia](#): > > But these gifts are usually given at the rehearsal dinner or at the reception, or privately. The shower is thrown by someone else to honour the bridal couple and is intended for gifts TO them. Yep, IME, gift to the wedding party are given at the rehearsal dinner or “getting ready” time if everyone is meeting beforehand at a common location (like hotel room.) ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/69 "2012-10-09T15:37:46Z")
> [@Tracyfish](#): > > **Audrey** , I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that way. I’d be a bit baffled if someone was offended because I got them one big gift instead of two gifts. At least this explains why my mother-in-law was surprised that I wasn’t giving another gift when we went to my husband’s relative’s wedding a few months ago. I am curious if you folks live in the same part of the world. I can’t even imagine showing up to both a shower and the wedding without a gift for each. Showers are for household items. Weddings are for money or bigger registry gifts. But it seems to me, Tracy, your husband’s family may have the same custom since your MIL was surprised. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/70 "2012-10-09T15:43:00Z")
> [@Audrey\_Levins](#): > > I’m not going to buy two gifts. Nor have I ever heard that this is common practice. Must be a regional thing? If not, I’m still not buying two gifts. That’s just silly. Actually not silly. Polite and expected. > **[Wedding Gift Giving Etiquette](https://www.beau-coup.com/gift-giving-etiquette.htm)** [http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/etiquette/new-wedding-etiquette-may04\_5](http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/etiquette/new-wedding-etiquette-may04_5) ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/71 "2012-10-09T15:56:27Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > I had no idea it was considered gauche to bring a gift to a wedding. I thought that was one of the maid of honour/head bridesmaid’s duties (to deal with opening the gifts, recording who gave what, arranging their safe transit at the end of the evening, etc). That depends a lot on the location, the specific culture and even the venue. I’ve been to weddings where the gifts that had been received previously and were small enough for it were going to be on display: people who hadn’t sent something previously and whose gifts were small brought them over and handed them to the bridal party (in one case in the US, bridesmaids and groomsmen; in several others both in the US and Spain, MotG/FotB - actually called godparents). ---
**Author:** ![Tracyfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f14d63/32.png) [@Tracyfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracyfish)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2012, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/72 "2012-10-10T02:37:52Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > I am curious if you folks live in the same part of the world. I can’t even imagine showing up to both a shower and the wedding without a gift for each. > > Showers are for household items. Weddings are for money or bigger registry gifts. > > But it seems to me, Tracy, your husband’s family may have the same custom since your MIL was surprised. Yeah, that’s why I’m not so sure it’s a regional thing. I’m in the metro-Detroit area, but a friend who grew up on the west side of Michigan said she hadn’t heard of having to give a gift for each event, either. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2012, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/73 "2012-10-10T04:25:39Z")
My sister is marrying in 3 weeks. She requested gifts be given ahead of time. (She’ll receive mine this weekend) We live in MA and she’s “lived in sin” with the groom, both 28, FWIW. ---
**Author:** ![brownclark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@brownclark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownclark)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2012, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/74 "2012-11-15T05:21:11Z")
Your gift to the groom is your paying for your tux and any other significant stuff surrounding what you wear and giving him a bachelor party a week before the wedding. As for a wedding gift for the couple. Yes you can go in together on a wedding gift. $100 per person is a good amount. Some ideas: A case of good wine. A really nice set of pots & pans A gift certificate to a B&B in a place they like to go. [zuni](http://zuni.com/state/florida/marion/wildwood/shopping/wedding) ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2012, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925/75 "2012-11-16T16:35:44Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > Yes. Picking up something at the convenience store on the way is just wrong. Ten boxes of Twinkies and a handful of beef jerky, is a sign that you didn’t put any thought into the gift. True when you posted it, but NOW ten boxes of Twinkies is an _[investment, or possibly an heirloom.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=672493)_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-etiquette-need-answer-fast/636925.md?page=3)