# Wedding/Gift/Money..how to pay? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 15, 2011, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764 "2011-03-15T09:43:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/1 "2011-03-15T09:43:06Z")
Me and The Bloke are invited to a wedding this weekend for his niece. The initial invitation included a request for no material gifts, but to make a monetary gift towards their future life together. Now apart from the lack of couth requesting this (IMHO), given that neither of us run a cheque account, HOW are we to make a gift of money without actually putting cash notes into an envelope, which would be even tackier (IMHO). ?? Do we just leave our credit-card details with instructions to take out $x, do we get a Bank Cheque made up, what on earth do we do here? ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/2 "2011-03-15T09:46:03Z")
I don’t see asking for / giving cash as at all tacky these days. By the time they get married most couples have already lived together for a period and already own all the traditional wedding gifts. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/3 "2011-03-15T09:52:59Z")
> [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](#): > > I don’t see asking for / giving cash as at all tacky these days. By the time they get married most couples have already lived together for a period and already own all the traditional wedding gifts. OK, so how are we expected to make this monetary gift? Do we just stick a $100 note in an envelope with a Best Wishes, or is there some etiquette that we need to follow?? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Librarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_librarian/32/402_2.png) [@The\_Librarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Librarian)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/4 "2011-03-15T10:04:13Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > OK, so how are we expected to make this monetary gift? Do we just stick a $100 note in an envelope with a Best Wishes, or is there some etiquette that we need to follow?? Yes, No. The only advice I can offer is to put in as much as you can comfortably afford, weddings tend to be quite costly. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/5 "2011-03-15T10:07:26Z")
Bah, just stick cash in a card and be done with it. It’s the only form of payment that’s accepted everywhere and not subject to bank fees or clearance periods. Are they the type of people who’d ask for money in lieu of gifts and then go all Miss Manners upon finding cash in the card? ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/6 "2011-03-15T10:09:51Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > OK, so how are we expected to make this monetary gift? Do we just stick a $100 note in an envelope with a Best Wishes, or is there some etiquette that we need to follow?? I’d put it in a best wishes card in an envelope ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/7 "2011-03-15T10:12:37Z")
It’s not tacky to graciously deter people from buying toasters and bath sheets, but it is totally unacceptable to actually ask for money. “We have all that we need, we’d just love for you to join us in our celebration!” lets everyone know cash, not gifts. Yes, cash is fine. One of those Visa or Master Card gift cards is an option if you don’t like the idea of cash, but not worth the hassle at all. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/8 "2011-03-15T10:14:47Z")
> [@Cazzle](#): > > Bah, just stick cash in a card and be done with it. It’s the only form of payment that’s accepted everywhere and not subject to bank fees or clearance periods. Are they the type of people who’d ask for money in lieu of gifts and then go all Miss Manners upon finding cash in the card? Dunno\*\* Caz\*\*, it’s a long distant relative and given that the couple have been living together for yonks (but need cash to put an extension on their house) I’m guessing now that cash will be fine…just don’t want to upset the parents (the Bloke’s sister and BIL) who are fine, upstanding citizens who might be miffed if we stick the cash in the card etc etc. Wotever…I am so tempted to wear my Uggs to the reception, just to piss everyone off. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/9 "2011-03-15T10:15:43Z")
Yup, cash tucked inside a card. But I’d be tempted to mail it to them instead of bringing it to the reception. Sticky fingers will know that a lot of cash will be in those envelopes. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/10 "2011-03-15T11:07:54Z")
In that case, why not call the parents and ask if there’s an account set up for this or if they have a preference for one method over another? ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/11 "2011-03-15T11:44:20Z")
I don’t see what’s so horrible about cash in a card? Seems normal to me. It is not common in Australia for people to not have a checking account? I literally don’t know one person who doesn’t have a checking account, I can’t imagine two (US). ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/12 "2011-03-15T13:11:03Z")
Cheques are an increasingly uncommon method of payment here, **Hello Again**. ---
**Author:** ![Anaglyph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Anaglyph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaglyph)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/13 "2011-03-15T16:10:41Z")
Last time I was in a similar situation, I bought a small tree, folded the bills into something resembling flowers and tied them to the tree. After all, who wouldn’t like to own a money tree 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/14 "2011-03-15T16:31:47Z")
> [@Cazzle](#): > > Cheques are an increasingly uncommon method of payment here, **Hello Again**. They are increasibgly uncommon in the US too. But the “standard” bank account is checking. Generally speaking, if you have a bank account at all, you have a checking account. ---
**Author:** ![markdash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@markdash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markdash)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/15 "2011-03-15T16:39:48Z")
To be totally frank, you would be well within your rights to tell the bride and groom to go fuck themselves. Maybe not in as many words, though. If you still want to give a cash gift that is up to you, but you are certainly under no obligation whatsoever. They can’t charge admission for their wedding, so whether or not you make a contribution is completely up to you. A clever end-around would be to make a charitable donation towards a cause you think they would like. If anyone gives you guff about it, you can make a comment about how that charity will make a brighter future for **everyone**. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/16 "2011-03-15T16:40:05Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Dunno\*\* Caz\*\*, it’s a long distant relative and given that the couple have been living together for yonks (but need cash to put an extension on their house) I’m guessing now that cash will be fine…just don’t want to upset the parents (the Bloke’s sister and BIL) who are fine, upstanding citizens who might be miffed if we stick the cash in the card etc etc. > > Wotever…I am so tempted to wear my Uggs to the reception, just to piss everyone off. 😃 Why not get them a gift card to a home improvement store? They come in their own little holders, usually. Plus there are cute wee boxes you can wrap them in as well. I agree that outright asking for money is tacky, but then I think gift showers are tacky, too. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/17 "2011-03-15T16:40:22Z")
> [@Queen\_Tonya](#): > > It’s not tacky to graciously deter people from buying toasters and bath sheets, but it is totally unacceptable to actually ask for money. “We have all that we need, we’d just love for you to join us in our celebration!” lets everyone know cash, not gifts. > > Yes, cash is fine. One of those Visa or Master Card gift cards is an option if you don’t like the idea of cash, but not worth the hassle at all. I agree with this. Although, if the couple is having a problem with money they shouldn’t have invited me to a party in the first place. Asking me to pay for their party upfront is tacky, can’t they just bill me afterward? That said, I like the Visa/MC gift card idea. Something that can be taken on the honeymoon without stopping off at the bank. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/18 "2011-03-15T16:43:24Z")
> [@markdash](#): > > To be totally frank, you would be well within your rights to tell the bride and groom to go fuck themselves. Maybe not in as many words, though. > > If you still want to give a cash gift that is up to you, but you are certainly under no obligation whatsoever. They can’t charge admission for their wedding, so whether or not you make a contribution is completely up to you. Not giving a gift is not a “fuck you” because _gifts are never required at a wedding_. No need for a “end run” to passive-aggressively make your displeasure known. Don’t feel like giving a gift? Don’t. Do feel like giving a gift? Do. ---
**Author:** ![kathmandu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kathmandu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kathmandu)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/19 "2011-03-15T16:43:38Z")
I say just stick cash in a card. We got lots of cash at our wedding, and it never occurred to me to think it was tacky to give cash instead of a cheque. Why do you think it’s uncouth? I’m also with you on their lack of couth in asking for money in the first place. Yes, weddings can be expensive, but it’s not up to your guests to pay for a party you chose to throw. ---
**Author:** ![markdash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@markdash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markdash)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/20 "2011-03-15T16:48:47Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Not giving a gift is not a “fuck you” because _gifts are never required at a wedding_. No need for a “end run” to passive-aggressively make your displeasure known. Don’t feel like giving a gift? Don’t. Do feel like giving a gift? Do. Yes, I agree. I didn’t mean that the absence of a gift would be the “fuck you,” but that actually saying “fuck you” would be the “fuck you.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764.md?page=2)