# Wedding/Gift/Money..how to pay? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 15, 2011, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764 "2011-03-15T09:43:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/21 "2011-03-15T16:49:56Z")
> [@markdash](#): > > Yes, I agree. I didn’t mean that the absence of a gift would be the “fuck you,” but that actually saying “fuck you” would be the “fuck you.” LOL, gotcha. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/22 "2011-03-15T17:39:43Z")
Another vote that cash in bills is perfectly fine. My impression is that people give checks for safety reasons, not because cash is tacky. But if the couple actually asked for money … I’m sure they’ll have a lockbox or something at the reception hall. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/23 "2011-03-15T17:57:32Z")
I forgot to add … At my sister’s wedding (many, many years ago) she did the “money dance.” I had never seen such a thing but it is apparently normal in New York. Each male would dance with the bride and give her some cash in the process. I was even forced to pay to dance with my sister! So cash is perfectly acceptable for some folks. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/24 "2011-03-15T18:06:24Z")
The one thing about cash in a card is that one person did this at our wedding… and we lost the card. Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![Khendrask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3e96dc/32.png) [@Khendrask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khendrask)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2011, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/25 "2011-03-16T12:57:18Z")
I just go with cash in a card. If you want to be a bit snarky about it, put a savings bond in a card with a maturity date 10 or more years out in hopes they stay together. I for one absolutely despise any kind of gift-credit card. Usually that is just money handed over to the card vendor and is never used or not wholly used. For a while, I just ‘Re-Gifted’ them, but after years of emphatically stating a policy of neither giving nor receiving gifts for holidays or birthdays, I bring them to the giver and cut them into little tiny pieces so they get the point. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2011, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/26 "2011-03-16T14:11:47Z")
Another vote here for cash in a card. You surely won’t be the only ones doing so, and it’s usually somebody’s job to keep an eye on the cards, so it should be fine. (Besides, gift cards can get lost or stolen too.) I’ve heard that many of those prepaid Visa/MC cards have some rather usurious fees attached. Be careful if you go this route. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2011, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/27 "2011-03-16T15:55:36Z")
I’d buy a cheap frame made of glass. Then I would take a bill and frame it. Lets say you give them a $100 bill. So you frame the $100 bill, in a cheap glass frame. Then put a note of the glass frame saying: \* In Case Of Emergency Break Glass\* ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2011, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/28 "2011-03-16T22:04:20Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > They are increasibgly uncommon in the US too. But the “standard” bank account is checking. Generally speaking, if you have a bank account at all, you have a checking account. I don’t think that a “standard” bank account here comes with cheques any more. You have to ask for them specially. \*\*kambuckta \*\*- I was faced with this dilemma last year when attending a wedding. I didn’t want to put cash in an envelope either. Partly because, like you, I felt it was tacky and also because large wads of cash aren’t very secure, are easily lost etc. So I just got in touch with the happy couple, asked for their bank account details, then did the transfer online. I tagged the transfer as “Wedding gift - Cunctator”. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2011, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/29 "2011-03-16T22:25:04Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Yup, cash tucked inside a card. But I’d be tempted to mail it to them instead of bringing it to the reception. Sticky fingers will know that a lot of cash will be in those envelopes. My sister got married a week ago, and they received many cards. How much cash was in them, I’m not going to ask. On the gift table, they had a wrapped box with a slot cut in it. Hard for sticky fingers to sneak a stray envelope, and hard to sneak out with the entire box either. On the other hand, I know of one incident personally where an envelope mailed with cash and card in it arrived with only the card. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2011, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/30 "2011-03-16T22:36:37Z")
> [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](#): > > I don’t see asking for / giving cash as at all tacky these days. By the time they get married most couples have already lived together for a period and already own all the traditional wedding gifts. If they already have everything they need to set up a household, they shouldn’t be asking for money, either. That’s nothing but a naked grab for cash, and thus, as kambuckta observes, tacky. ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2011, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/31 "2011-03-16T22:52:58Z")
I don’t really see the problem in asking for cash, though it is a very delicate request that has to be phrased just right – something like: “Of the two, cash is preferred over gifts, but of course your presence is all that we really require.” But phrased a little better. I really don’t like the idea of a gift card/certificate. Cash is the gift certificate to everywhere, and it tends not to expire or get lost. Just stick $100+ in Hallmark card and try to come up with a sweet three-sentence note to go with it. My usual MO is to put it off until the reception, by which point the ceremony and the alcohol will have me feeling sentimental. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2011, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/32 "2011-03-16T23:05:39Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Not giving a gift is not a “fuck you” because _gifts are never required at a wedding_. No need for a “end run” to passive-aggressively make your displeasure known. Don’t feel like giving a gift? Don’t. Do feel like giving a gift? Do. Asking for cash is tacky, that I agree with. But if someone is so offended by the person asking, they have the perfect right to send regrets, not go to the wedding, and not send a gift. If one goes and does not bring a gift, one is being quite tacky also. However, one can always choose to ignore the dunning and give an actual physical gift. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2011, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/33 "2011-03-16T23:07:29Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > I forgot to add … At my sister’s wedding (many, many years ago) she did the “money dance.” I had never seen such a thing but it is apparently normal in New York. Each male would dance with the bride and give her some cash in the process. I was even forced to pay to dance with my sister! So cash is perfectly acceptable for some folks. I’m from New York, and never heard of a money dance. However, when I lived in Cajun country, they were very popular - and even advertised on the radio. (In Lafayette almost all the long term residents are related in one way or another, so it isn’t as tacky as you’d think. ) ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764/34 "2011-03-16T23:09:14Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > I agree with this. Although, if the couple is having a problem with money they shouldn’t have invited me to a party in the first place. Asking me to pay for their party upfront is tacky, can’t they just bill me afterward? > > That said, I like the Visa/MC gift card idea. Something that can be taken on the honeymoon without stopping off at the bank. Often those cards have fees you pay when you buy them, so cash is cheaper. There used to be cards available with pockets for cash - if I were giving cash, that’s what I’d do. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-gift-money-how-to-pay/574764.md?page=1)