# Wedding--Is this weird **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 10, 2013, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880 "2013-10-10T15:47:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/21 "2013-10-10T19:42:21Z")
Double post! How did that happen? ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/22 "2013-10-10T19:51:26Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Double post! How did that happen? Two can post as cheaply as one? ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/23 "2013-10-10T19:54:42Z")
I’m of the mind that it’s their party and they can do what they want, even if it means an exclusive pre-party before the party. You weren’t there and you’re not them so you have no idea if say, the father of the groom politely declined and that’s why he wasn’t in there too. It still sounds like a convincing coverup for “someone had cold feet for a few minutes” - grab the person walking by that saw it and tell them to say something else happened. 10 minutes isn’t a big deal for whatever reason it was - weddings, parties, closing shop, trains, everything is delayed here and there all the time - and sticking your nose in any further sounds rude in and of itself. Why does it matter so much? Did it really put a crimp in your day or is this just gossip for you? ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/24 "2013-10-10T19:59:11Z")
They should have posted some groomsmen out to see guests to their seats when they arrive, but otherwise I don’t see anything wrong with it. Timeliness standards vary greatly among different groups, and among some sets (including my own) it would be rude _not_ to build in a little grace period for people running late. The time stated would be the time you’d aim to arrive and have time to park/find a spot/etc., not necessarily the time things will start. Eating before the ceremony seems smart- while the guests are enjoying cocktails and appetizers, they will be taking photos. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Wiggler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/red_wiggler/32/13190_2.png) [@Red\_Wiggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Wiggler)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/25 "2013-10-10T20:01:36Z")
Dallas, that pre-ceremony social hour is a great idea. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/26 "2013-10-10T20:33:47Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > To postulate such a word begins with the assumption that the groom has something to do with the wedding, instead of being a largely inert decorative figure much like the ice sculpture or wedding cake. > > Ever read a wedding planning book? The groom is mentioned on three pages and has the job of staying the hell out of the way except to stand for a couple of photos and speak a few words on the day itself. I disagree. A groom must conjugate sentences like, “I do.” Sometimes a bride will insist they write their own vows, and both writing them and reading them aloud are likely to be a nightmarish experience for the groom, who is NOT allowed to say, “Ditto.” A groom must dress up in a suit, one that must be shopped for! :eek: A groom must avoid many natural behaviors during the ceremonies, like scratching his ass and farting as loudly as possible. These things are HARD! ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/27 "2013-10-10T20:38:35Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > The groom is mentioned on three pages and has the job of staying the hell out of the way except to stand for a couple of photos and speak a few words on the day itself. A _couple_ photos? Don’t I wish. I’m pretty sure I posed for at least 100 photos on my wedding day. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Wiggler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/red_wiggler/32/13190_2.png) [@Red\_Wiggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Wiggler)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/28 "2013-10-10T20:56:31Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I disagree. A groom must conjugate sentences like, “I do.” Sometimes a bride will insist they write their own vows, and both writing them and reading them aloud are likely to be a nightmarish experience for the groom, who is NOT allowed to say, “Ditto.” > > A groom must dress up in a suit, one that must be shopped for! :eek: > > A groom must avoid many natural behaviors during the ceremonies, like scratching his ass and farting as loudly as possible. > > These things are HARD! “Ditto” is out? Shit. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/29 "2013-10-10T21:02:05Z")
> [@apollonia](#): > > \ Five minutes is understandable, ten minutes is a little frustrating, but not a big deal. \ Our wedding started 20 minutes late because my sister was 20 minutes late because her babysitter was 20 minutes late. We probably should have just started without them. > [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > \ > > A groom must avoid many natural behaviors during the ceremonies, like scratching his ass and farting as loudly as possible. > > These things are HARD! I’m pretty sure my husband was able to not fart for a few minutes, but I’ll have to check with him. 🙂 As for the OP, it does sound weird, and a little rude, but not the end of the world rude or weird. If I was a groomsman, I’d be wondering why I wasn’t invited to something that he probably should have been invited to. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/30 "2013-10-11T04:37:09Z")
I think it was a Bridezilla type event that held things up. ---
**Author:** ![dauerbach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c2a13f/32.png) [@dauerbach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dauerbach)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/31 "2013-10-11T12:58:38Z")
Since the board members are usually correct, I re-interrogated the witness. Turns out she had not personally seen anything, rather had been told this by the best man. Therefore, I am betting it was exactly as suggested here. I will never know, because all I wanted was a plausible explanation that did not require so many people to be assholes. And now I have it. ---
**Author:** ![Sterling\_Archer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Sterling\_Archer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sterling_Archer)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/32 "2013-10-11T13:46:49Z")
Were there ushers? I thought every wedding had ushers, who you’d think would be aware of something like this. ---
**Author:** ![apollonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/33 "2013-10-11T13:58:27Z")
If it was truly an episode of cold feet, or some kind of other minor disaster, it’s entirely possible they wouldn’t know. If, ten minutes before the ceremony was supposed to begin, the bride began to cry and hyperventilate and provoke panic among her attendants and necessitate fetching the parents and groom, it’s definitely possible that in the confusion and rush nobody would think to notify the ushers. Especially if no one anticipated the delay would be more than a few minutes–which it wasn’t. I really don’t think that ten minutes of delay is extraordinary in any way. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880/34 "2013-10-11T16:38:13Z")
> [@dauerbach](#): > > IF they were eating then yes, 10 minutes is incredibly rude and weird. You don’t invite people to a party and then have a separate more exclusive party without them. This is the crux of the rudeness. Having an exclusive dinner on site while your guests are gathering is rude even you show up on time for the ceremony. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-is-this-weird/670880.md?page=1)