# Wedding party, Party. (question about modern weddings) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 6, 2026, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613 "2026-10-06T04:35:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/1 "2026-10-06T04:35:45Z")
We’ve all heard of bachelor parties and bachelorette parties. The Lil’wrekker is in a wedding Saturday. Friday they have rehearsal and rehearsal _dinner_ (more about this). Apparently there’s a big wedding night sleepover with the bridesmaids. Sleepover? What? Is this really a thing? Or just a weird brides wacky wish? (The rehearsal dinner is a _cold plate_. What’s a cold plate?) ---
**Author:** ![LavenderMagnolia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/2bfe46/32.png) [@LavenderMagnolia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderMagnolia)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/2 "2026-10-06T09:34:40Z")
I’ve heard of wedding sleepovers occasionally, or the bride and bridesmaids will even take a “getaway” trip before the wedding. Not trying to sound judgmental, but I wonder if some of these recent activities were invented because of social media. According to what I’ve read, a “cold plate” dinner is salad, cold cuts of meat, and sides. It’s easier to prepare in advance, instead of a dinner that involves cooking more entrees and sides. My husband and I drove to a chapel in another city, then ate dinner at a nice Italian restaurant. I don’t think it’s wrong to have a somewhat bigger, more elaborate wedding than we did, but some of the recent wedding activities that I hear about are not my cup of tea. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/3 "2026-10-06T10:16:26Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Apparently there’s a big wedding night sleepover with the bridesmaids. Sleepover? Like, after the wedding? That’s like a destination wedding if you don’t want to pay for a destination, or don’t want all the rest of your guests to have to pay for it. And i suppose it means the bridesmaids can get drunk and not have to worry about getting back anywhere. I haven’t heard of that exact thing, but it falls into the “range of stuff people do for weddings”. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/4 "2026-10-06T10:51:13Z")
A rehearsal dinner is traditional. My mother was surprised when I, after the rehearsal of the wedding of a friend for whom I was the Best Man, just got on the streetcar and went home. But it was just him and his fiancee, and they didn’t have a lot, so nobody expected a rehearsal dinner, that the two of them would pay for. A sleepover of the bridesmaids the night before? Jeez, I can just hear the bridesmaids now: “Christ what is this? Didn’t we do this shit in middle school? Well, if it makes Janie happy, then okay, but I don’t like it.” In other words, the bride is planning a wedding, but she is not planning for a marriage. There’s going to come a day after tomorrow, Janie, and it’s not going to involve you. I’ll stop here, but note that I had to deal with a fiancee who planned her wedding since she was a little girl. And while she had planned her perfect wedding for decades, she had no idea what to do about a wedding, when her groom dissented. And informed her that while a wedding was one day, a marriage lasted for years. Yeah, I was that groom. I dissented with her ideas. Lots of tears. “You can’t!” Well I sure as hell can, and could. I’m sure as hell not marrying anybody who cannot see thirty, forty, fifty, years into the future, and I decided that it was best to walk. You want a party where you’re the centre of attention, friend? Hold one. But don’t expect me to be a part of it. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/5 "2026-10-06T11:20:54Z")
A common saying: > Some people put more effort into planning their wedding than their marriage. A young woman who worked for me as a receptionist / sales lead generator was one such. Had quite the destination wedding. The separation began 3 months later & the divorce was filed a few months after that. I’m sure there were guests or wedding party members roped into the whole destination experience who had not yet paid off their credit cards from the event when the divorce was filed. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/6 "2026-10-06T12:33:02Z")
I’m wondering what/when/where this sleepover is. “Wedding night sleepover” sounds like it’s after the wedding when presumably the bride won’t be there. But I’m wondering if it’s more like something I’ve seen before, where due to the timing and/or the location of the wedding the bridesmaids stay in a hotel either 1) the night before the wedding if it’s a morning wedding or 2) the night after the wedding if it’s an evening wedding to get ready together, not have to travel early, not have to be careful about drinking and so on. But a lot of events really aren’t all that new - rehearsal dinners are traditional. Some are new but have replaced a tradition - bridal showers are less common than they used to be and bachelorette parties (which often involve weekend trips) are more common. Welcome dinners and breakfasts for out of town guests aren’t exactly traditional but they aren’t all that new either. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/7 "2026-10-06T12:54:22Z")
What’s weird is calling or a sleepover, a word associated with six year olds. When adults have “sleepovers”, they usually call it something else. “I’m spending the weekend with my college roommate”. “I stayed overnight with my boyfriend”. “I went to a ski resort with some friends last week”. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/8 "2026-10-06T12:57:00Z")
There’s a difference between “All the bridesmaids are staying at the same hotel” and “All the bridesmaids are staying in the same AirBnB condo we rented. … Two to a room.” You can sure see how the early and late evening dynamics would differ in those cases. I could see somebody choosing “sleepover” to describe the latter plan even involving all 20-something adults. Whether the plan, or the term, is a good idea is a separate question I’ll leave aside. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/9 "2026-10-06T13:02:34Z")
Friend of mine just got married and my partner was a bridesmaid. They had one of those sleepovers the evening before, where all the bridesmaids shared a big hotel room, the groomsmen had another, and random family members piled up in shared cabins. It primarily made logistics easier for the next day, since the wedding party were already on site and could easily deal with hair and makeup and their costumes and such. But it was a fun night of hot tubs and board games and surprisingly restrained drinking the night before. This was a semi destination wedding… local to us, but most of their family are from another state and had to travel many hours to get here. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/10 "2026-10-06T13:03:25Z")
I run a square dance weekend where we pack everyone in, 2-4 to a room. (We don’t have enough heated rooms otherwise.) We don’t call it a “sleepover”, even though people stay up late talking about their lives in the dining room, and honestly, it has a lot in common with a “sleepover”. We can it a square dance weekend. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/11 "2026-10-06T13:05:10Z")
That sounds like a blast. Is it weird to call things sleepovers now…? To me that word just evokes a good time, regardless of age. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/12 "2026-10-06T14:03:29Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > In other words, the bride is planning a wedding, but she is not planning for a marriage. There’s going to come a day after tomorrow, Janie, and it’s not going to involve you. I think you’re giving that bride an awful lot of your own baggage. She could be planning for both. I know it’s customary on the dope to say “Our wedding was a backyard BBQ, everyone was in t-shirts and flip flops, and we’ve had a better marriage than anyone with one of those fancy indoor weddings,” but believe it or not, it’s possible to plan a fancy affair and still have a successful marriage. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/13 "2026-10-06T14:21:22Z")
The night before our wedding Ms. P hung out with her friends at her parents’ house while I went out and had a few beers with the minister and her husband, who were both long time friends of mine. I spent the night in their hotel room, which was convenient since the wedding was at the hotel. When our daughter was married we took her, her soon to be wife, and some of their friends to dinner. The wedding was in a movie theater (both are film geeks). Our son and his fiance are getting married at the local farmers’ market, which is one of their favorite hangouts. Apparently it’s a popular wedding venue in Ithaca. Our wedding was fancier than we wanted; my wife’s mom really wanted to take the opportunity to show off. We’ve made it through 30 years, though. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/14 "2026-10-06T14:30:33Z")
For sure elaborate weddings don’t _necessarily_ presage imminent divorce. But there are people who don’t plan for their marriage. Pick the clearly wrong person, don’t bother talking about inconsequential details like whether to have kids or not, whether to save or spend, whether to be kinky or sex-avoidant or anything in the middle, etc. And who suffer the consequences of that failure to plan. Regardless of the elaborateness or not of their wedding. There seems to be a particular breed of character that seems to fall in love with the idea of a storybook wedding as a goal in itself. Then they go find some guy to fill in the cardboard cutout role of groom and now they’re all set to live their one day (or now 1 week) fantasy event. The day after hardly merits mention to them. Until it happens. Oops. As to @Spoons’ tale in particular, neither you nor I was there. But he’s generally a calm and charitable reporter on his world. Generally. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/15 "2026-10-06T14:40:27Z")
But this bride doesn’t appear to be organizing a super elaborate wedding. All we know is that the bridesmaids are sleeping over. We don’t even know if it’s the night before or the night after. I mean, maybe it’s also an elaborate wedding. Maybe she’s ignoring the marriage for the wedding. But we have zero evidence of either of those. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/16 "2026-10-06T15:21:18Z")
None of this seems weird. Wedding venues are often “all-inclusive” so you’ve got a private lodge/bed-and-breakfast sort of space with a beautiful area to get married and then a reception space. You don’t need to have your booked block of rooms somewhere, get everyone to the church, and get everyone to the hall. The lodge probably isn’t a big hotel, it just has enough space for a big sleepover party with a hot tub and a pool table so the bridal party can spend the night after the rehearsal, and wake up and be all together. A cold dinner means they’re having cold catering brought in that doesn’t require any extra staff to serve. My partner went to a wedding like this a few years ago. Not a fancy or rich family whatsoever. Just a nice venue that had all of these options and the price was right. A bunch of young folks who like to party as a group had a nice opportunity to party together before the wedding - and all of it was on site. ETA: And if you don’t have an all-inclusive venue like this you can still arrange such a schedule by renting an AirBnB near the venue, where the bridal party can relax and party together, then go to the venue together. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/17 "2026-10-06T15:23:18Z")
In case that was directed at me. … I was responding to @muldoonthief ‘s contention that @Spoons was blaming his would-be bride and their non-wedding for his own marriage misgivings. As usual, somebody snuck in while I was ~~posting~~ blathering incessantly, so the sequence of back and forth was obscured by others’ post(s). In fact @ZipperJJ slipped in while I was typing this and I almost made the same mistake a second time. 🤦‍♂️ ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/18 "2026-10-06T15:25:15Z")
The sleepover happens before the wedding not after. Sorry, I was unclear. In my world the bachelor/bachelorette parties might be the weekend before the wedding. Certainly no one wants to be hung over on wedding day, on purpose. I guess it happens in movies and TV shows. In real life, no bride I’ve ever met has time the night before the wedding to be partying. Seriously the Lil’wrekker has an invite that’s hand written, it says “bring your comfy PJs, your gossip and any music or game you like, for a fun last night of girlie fun, Drinks and snacks provided”. I just thought it was silly. I have to say the Lil’wrekker is not at all confused about it. And happily planning to go. Just me, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/19 "2026-10-06T15:30:04Z")
A note about rehearsal dinners, too - nothing new about those. I went to them 20+ years ago when my best friend got married and have gone to several since. The bridal party gets together to rehearse for the wedding, so you have to feed them. You also invite out-of-town guests. The groom’s parents are usually the ones that coordinate and pay. Usually it’s a sit-down catered dinner but not too formal. We did my brother’s in a church basement. But in the case of your daughter’s friend, they’re going to be hanging out sleepover-style so they just get sandwiches and charcuterie. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2026, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613/20 "2026-10-06T15:42:36Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > charcuterie Or as we call it in my family, “Lunchables for grownups.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-party-party-question-about-modern-weddings/1033613.md?page=2)