# Wedding Present Advice
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [October 6, 2010, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203 "2010-10-06T02:16:21Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/1 "2010-10-06T02:16:21Z")
In my short “adult” life, I’ve only been to a few weddings and, for each of those, I had some idea what to give the happy young couple. This one is different. If they’re registered somewhere, they didn’t mention it, and due to work, moving, and various other things, I haven’t been able to grab a beer with my friend the groom recently.
So, I have three options:
1.) Give cash (well, a check). Advantages: Easy for both parties. Useful. Disadvantages: Least creative gift ever.
2.) Give cash, and copy of The Worst Case Scenario Handbook.\* Advantages: Easy for both parties. Useful. Slightly humorous. Disadvantages: Slightly silly.
3.) Attempt to find a useful and creative gift. Advantage: Would be great. Disadvantages: Really hard. I no longer live in the same town as the groom and am not sure who else was invited to the wedding, so my informational gathering prospects are limited.
So what do people think? Is cash a good gift? If so, should I bundle it in something small and cute, like that book? Is there some other safe, default, present?
Also, err, how do i figure out how much? The groom and I currently make similar fairly small amounts of money, we’re finishing grad school.
Oh etique…you are complicated. Any advice appreciated.
\*Or similar. Consider this a request for nominations.
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### Author:  [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/2 "2010-10-06T02:32:16Z")
Did you check [weddingchannel.com](http://weddingchannel.com) for a registry? You can search by last name.
ETA: I vote #2.
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### Author:  [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/3 "2010-10-06T02:33:31Z")
1. Almost everyone is registered at one of the following
Target
Bed Bath & Beyond
Pottery Barn
Macy’s
[Amazon.com](http://Amazon.com)
Do a quick search, I bet you’ll find them. If you don’t, I would give money. It’s not original, but always very welcome. If you write them an extra-sincere card, maybe that would help you feel better about it?
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### Author:  [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/4 "2010-10-06T03:06:09Z")
1. Call or email your buddy and ask him what they’d like. Really, you’re making this way harder than it needs to be.
As for how much to spend, it should be an amount that you can afford and feel comfortable spending, and no more.
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### Author:  [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/5 "2010-10-06T03:14:46Z")
When in doubt, I like to make up a gift basket of gourmet edibles. Fancy spreads, crackers, cookies, pasta/sauce, olives, nuts, chocolates, and other nibbles. Bottle of wine if they’re wine drinkers. It’s always gotten rave reviews. Consumable and no lame tchotchkies that they have to keep around for when you visit. And everyone can use a nice basket.
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### Author:  [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/6 "2010-10-06T12:36:09Z")
Call your friend and ask him. C’mon, it’s not so hard.
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### Author:  [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/7 "2010-10-06T13:03:00Z")
I vote for #2.
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### Author:  [@Minnie\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Minnie_Luna)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/8 "2010-10-06T14:44:06Z")
Cash is fine. A gift card to a decent restaurant or even a local mall will work. Home Depot or Lowe’s gift cards are also very useful.
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### Author:  [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/9 "2010-10-06T15:49:06Z")
Thanks guys, this is helpful. I’ll check to see if they’re registered at those places. If not, a friend of mine highly recommends this book:
> **[The Newlywed's Instruction Manual: Essential Information, Troubleshooting Tips,...](https://www.amazon.com/Newlyweds-Instruction-Manual-Information-Troubleshooting/dp/159474436X)**
>
> The Newlywed's Instruction Manual: Essential Information, Troubleshooting Tips, and Advice for the First Year of Marriage (Owner's and Instruction Manual) \[Tiger, Caroline, Kepple, Paul, Reifsnyder, Scotty\] on Amazon.com. \*FREE\* shipping on...
As for checking with the friend:
The wedding is in a week and a half (eek!) and I’m highly reluctant to bother him. I get the impression that they’re going all out for the wedding, and I imagine that he gets a new grey hair every time his phone rings with yet another last minute question.
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### Author:  [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/10 "2010-10-06T15:49:18Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#):
>
> When in doubt, I like to make up a gift basket of gourmet edibles. Fancy spreads, crackers, cookies, pasta/sauce, olives, nuts, chocolates, and other nibbles. Bottle of wine if they’re wine drinkers. It’s always gotten rave reviews. Consumable and no lame tchotchkies that they have to keep around for when you visit. And everyone can use a nice basket.
I do exactly the same thing, and, in fact, I went to a wedding just four days ago and gave this very gift.
I always add a couple nice linen napkins and a wine decanter or a couple wine glasses. I make pepper jams, so the happy couple always gets a jar of that. They also get a custom-mixed CD containing a playlist of songs relevant to love & marriage. If I don’t know the couple’s music tastes very well, I will ask for a list of their top 5 favorite love songs; helps a lot. If I can find a tiny cutting board, or a little cheese knife, and/or a wine bottle opener, I add little bonus gifts to the basket. Basically, I am giving the couple a picnic but really, I am giving them memories to cherish.
ETA: The best thing about this gift is you can control the cost. If your budget is tight you just limit the items you put in the basket, like pick up a cheaper wine, or skip the glasses/decanter.
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### Author:  [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/11 "2010-10-06T16:10:27Z")
How old is this couple? Are they combining two fully stocked houses or just some boxes from their dorm room?
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### Author:  [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/12 "2010-10-06T17:12:43Z")
Cash cash and cash. Never seen it upset anyone getting married.
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### Author:  [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/13 "2010-10-06T17:29:56Z")
I vote for cash. No, it’s not creative, but it is what every couple getting married wants and needs.
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### Author:  [@steadierfooting](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steadierfooting)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/14 "2010-10-06T17:36:41Z")
My belief:
If you are a guy, cash.
If you are a girl, or you are a guy whose date to the wedding was invited to the bridal shower, gift.
Gift if you are a guy and it’s a very nice wedding and you can’t afford to give them a proper cash amount for whatever reason.
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### Author:  [@FasterThanMeerkats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FasterThanMeerkats)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/15 "2010-10-06T17:38:23Z")
Respectfully, please don’t give a check.
Cash is cash; a check is not cash. Please try to imagine something more annoying than going through the hell of planning and having a wedding, going on a honeymoon, collecting and going through all the presents, writing thank you notes to everyone, and then having to go cash a single check.
It’s so little effort on your part to go the bank or atm, but it would save the newlyweds a tedious errand.
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### Author:  [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/16 "2010-10-06T17:48:53Z")
> [@FasterThanMeerkats](#):
>
> It’s so little effort on your part to go the bank or atm, but it would save the newlyweds a tedious errand.
Except if they lose the card, which has happened to me. $40 cash, down the drain.
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### Author:  [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/17 "2010-10-06T17:49:56Z")
Yes, also thefts happen, the card box is the first thing anyone is going to try to swipe off the gift table. If you want to give cash that’s great but it’s perfectly fine if someone else wants the extra assurance that their gift will be received by the intended recipient.
And I could think of many things more annoying than the burden of having to go to the bank.
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### Author:  [@Baracus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baracus)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/18 "2010-10-06T18:58:40Z")
> [@FasterThanMeerkats](#):
>
> Respectfully, please don’t give a check.
>
> Cash is cash; a check is not cash. Please try to imagine something more annoying than going through the hell of planning and having a wedding, going on a honeymoon, collecting and going through all the presents, writing thank you notes to everyone, and then having to go cash a single check.
>
> It’s so little effort on your part to go the bank or atm, but it would save the newlyweds a tedious errand.
Oh, please, spare me. If collecting and going through all the gifts, writing thank you notes, and cashing checks is too much trouble, perhaps they should just put an emphatic “No gifts please!” on the invites and spare themselves the “trouble” of dealing with other people’s generosity.
Why is it any more tedious for the newlyweds to go to the atm or bank? If you got a couple grand in cash for your wedding are you really going to stuff it under the mattress rather than take it to the bank anyway?
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### Author:  [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/19 "2010-10-06T18:59:28Z")
> [@filmore](#):
>
> How old is this couple? Are they combining two fully stocked houses or just some boxes from their dorm room?
They’re mid 20s, and have been living together for…2 years? It’s a small apartment, and they’re almost certainly moving to a new city next year. So, in term of practical necessities, they have everything they need and will probably have to move everything in 8 or 9 months anyway.
Thanks for the discussion on cash v check. I’m strongly leaning check, my experience being that once you’re going to the bank to deposit 1 check it doesn’t really matter whether you have 1, 2, or 10. So minimal added inconvenience, and some piece of mind.
The gift basket idea is lovely. Probably not the best idea in this case, but i’ll have to keep it in mind.
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### Author:  [@Registered\_at\_Last](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Registered_at_Last)
#### Post date: [October 6, 2010, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-present-advice/556203/20 "2010-10-06T19:00:38Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#):
>
> When in doubt, I like to make up a gift basket of gourmet edibles. Fancy spreads, crackers, cookies, pasta/sauce, olives, nuts, chocolates, and other nibbles. Bottle of wine if they’re wine drinkers. It’s always gotten rave reviews. Consumable and no lame tchotchkies that they have to keep around for when you visit. And everyone can use a nice basket.
I do similar, except that I put it in a cooler or a nice wicker picnic basket. Depending on who (ie $$$) I may include 2 wine glasses or champagne flutes from their registery to go with the wine and/or a good paring knife & cutting board to go with cheese. That way they have something from me off their registry (glasses, knife, maybe even the cooler) and the consumables. Again, a gift card can be slipped in too if it seems appropriate. I also have always found it to be a hit.
Oh yeah, Miss Manners would say that it is your job to ask about a registry since it would be uncouth for them to “advertise” and troll for gifts. In other words, just ask.
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