# Wedding problem--two stubborn women **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 27, 2006, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394 "2006-06-27T20:51:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/41 "2006-06-28T09:10:52Z")
Hubby and I weren’t really fussed on cars, but decided to compromise for the sake of the look of the thing- we found a classic car enthusiast who occasionally rents out his cars for weddings, at about 1/4 of the cost of a regular limo or wedding car. So, I arrived at the church in a vintage Riley, not unlike [this](http://www.reesbros.co.uk/images/riley.jpg), and the bridesmaids arrived in a vintage Jaguar. I know it’s probably too late for you, **dauerbach** , but is there any chance that a local vintage car enthusiast would have something suitable for less money? ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/42 "2006-06-28T09:34:59Z")
Wow. Here’s something **not** to try: - tell your wife that since marriage leads to such arguments, you’re calling the wedding off. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/43 "2006-06-28T09:44:26Z")
[QUOTE=dauerbach] Oh, and just for a little perspective, my wife has never been wrong in her entire life, so anything different than what she thinks is, by definition, wrong. How do you reason with someone like that? Any real suggestions would be most appreciated. [/QUOTE] DADDY??? Oh, wait. I’m not getting married. Can’t be my Mom he’s talking about, then. Only thing that works for my Mom is a dose of “yes, I hear you and I’m sure you’re right, I’m still going to try it my way and if later I decide to change it to your way you’re allowed to say ‘I told you so’ but only once.” But then, Dad’s whole side of the family is from a place where Parliament used to answer “we obey but can not comply” when the King sent orders that were against the law… we can be a tad stubborn. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/44 "2006-06-28T11:26:16Z")
[QUOTE=SnakesCatLady] Have you tried asking your wife **why** she is so adamant against a limo, especially if she’s not paying for it? Does she want the bride to arrive in a horse - drawn carriage? A Sherman Tank? On foot? And have you reminded her that she has already had her wedding, that this one is your daughters and she gets to decide what she wants? Stories like this make me so glad we eloped. [/QUOTE] Preach it, sistah! $2000 for the whole shebang…including last minute airfare to Vegas. I wouldn’t have it any other way. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/45 "2006-06-28T12:02:19Z")
_One_ limo? Cheapskate. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/46 "2006-06-28T17:09:07Z")
[QUOTE=Sofaspud] Meh. Sorry, but I kinda lost sight of the problem when I heard that the budget was $25,000. Put bluntly, I can think of MANY other uses that $25,000 could be put towards. Maybe if you reminded the players in this little drama of this fact, they’d regain THEIR perspective. [/QUOTE] The subject is a $250 car rental bill and control issues, not the cost of the entire wedding. Please try to keep up with the big people. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/47 "2006-06-28T18:06:47Z")
Can I give you the number of a good divorce attorney I know? At least the $25,000 you spend on your daughter’s wedding is that much less you have to give your ex-wife after your divorce. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/48 "2006-06-28T18:10:28Z")
Maybe a 2nd limo for you and your wife that day will help ease the anger? or a tranquilizer dart? Just kidding. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/49 "2006-06-28T18:46:39Z")
> [@](#): > > let your daughter enjoy her day her own way. > [@](#): > > …joy and happiness of the day for her own daughter > [@](#): > > Is she the one getting married? … This is your daughters day. > [@](#): > > let her daughter be happy on her wedding day. > [@](#): > > she has already had her wedding, that this one is your daughters How many more time do we have to repeat this basic concept? (There were no limos at my wedding because there really wasn’t a need for them. Both the ceremony and the reception were at a hotel, and the future mrs. gnu stayed there the night before, and we stayed there the night after. But if the bride wanted a frikkin’ limo she coulda gotten one. I got to the wedding in a her sister’s Wrangler.) ---
**Author:** ![Punoqllads](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@Punoqllads](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Punoqllads)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/50 "2006-06-28T18:51:20Z")
[QUOTE=dauerbach] I try to talk to to my wife and she yells. I try to talk to my daughter and she crys. [/QUOTE] This is your problem. Stop talking to them about it. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/51 "2006-06-28T20:49:12Z")
[QUOTE=dauerbach] I try to talk to to my wife and she yells. I try to talk to my daughter and she crys. [/QUOTE] Sit them both down together. “Okay, I don’t know why this limo thing is such a sticking point — _and stop talking_, because I don’t care any more. The important thing is that it _is_ a sticking point. You aren’t going to agree, and you aren’t going to compromise. So it seems to me that the only alternative left is physical violence. You have to fight it out in order to identify a winner. So. Here’s a butcher knife for you, and a butcher knife for you. I’ll be over here with a hose and a few towels. Let me know when one of you is victorious.” ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/52 "2006-06-28T21:46:31Z")
[QUOTE=dauerbach] Oh, and just for a little perspective, my wife has never been wrong in her entire life, so anything different than what she thinks is, by definition, wrong. How do you reason with someone like that? Any real suggestions would be most appreciated. [/QUOTE] 1. Meds. 2. A steaming cup of shut the fuck up. 3. all of the above. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/53 "2006-06-28T22:18:45Z")
[QUOTE=dauerbach] Oh, and just for a little perspective, my wife has never been wrong in her entire life, so anything different than what she thinks is, by definition, wrong. How do you reason with someone like that? Any real suggestions would be most appreciated. [/QUOTE] How much do you play into her fantasy of never being wrong? Do you regularly and strongly call her on the things that she is wrong about, or do you take the path of least resistance and just be quiet and let her think everything’s okay? Are you happy being married to someone who, frankly, sounds quite unpleasant? Best advice anyone can give you for any situation - you can’t change anyone else, but you can change your own reaction to them. ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/54 "2006-06-28T23:40:01Z")
> [@](#): > > Oh, and just for a little perspective, my wife has never been wrong in her entire life, so anything different than what she thinks is, by definition, wrong. How do you reason with someone like that? Any real suggestions would be most appreciated. Your wife sounds like a pain in the nuts. Does she repond at all to an appeal from authority? Because I could easily find you several sites howing that a limo is a normal wedding expense. In fact, _one_ limo is a bit on the frugal side given your budget and the presumed elaborateness of the wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2006, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/55 "2006-06-29T00:08:41Z")
Don’t worry, They will work it out with a lot of drama and crying. Your wife is trying to draw a line. This far and no further. She is the top lioness and no matter what, even though this is your daughter’s big day, Mom wants daughter to know that MOM is still in charge. It’s not about the money, it is about the power to say NO. I’m the mommy and I said so. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2006, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/56 "2006-06-29T15:33:02Z")
**Zebra** Has it right. The fact that she is still digging her heels in even after the in-laws have offered to pay means that she just want control. It is not about the money. Is she on good terms with the in-laws and/or the groom? Maybe they could talk to her themselves. I know my husband can melt my mom and dad in a way I can’t. If he can’t convince her maybe his parents could call her themselves and say something like ‘We realize this may be a little extravagant but this is something we really want to do as a token of love for your daughter’. Would she really turn them down? She might give in then just to save face to the in-laws. That’s if the in-laws are good sports and willing to try that with her. ---
**Author:** ![dauerbach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c2a13f/32.png) [@dauerbach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dauerbach)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2006, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/57 "2006-06-29T16:56:53Z")
Well, the way it ended up is that my daughter took the high road and decided what many people have been saying, that you can’t control another’s actions but can control how you react. So, although she is less than pleased, she is going to just go in the our car. Once again, I have always felt that a limo was pretentious and unneccessary, but wanted to pay for it to make her happy. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2006, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/58 "2006-06-29T17:02:27Z")
How very sad for your daughter that she has such a selfish and hateful mother, and a father who won’t stand up for her against such blatantly nasty bullshit. That the two of you are willing to deprive her of something that’s clearly important to her, on a day that is supposed to _be_ about her, **that someone _else_ is willing to pay for** is utterly disgusting. I wish her well in her new life with the new family she’ll be forming. Don’t be too surprised to find yourself excluded from much of it in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2006, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/59 "2006-06-29T17:12:06Z")
He’s paying for her friggin’ Cinderella wedding! I thought to myself, “Gee, maybe the kid’s not as spoiled as **dauerbach** thinks. Good for her.” ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2006, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394/60 "2006-06-29T17:34:27Z")
I agree with **Dung Beetle**. He’s hardly ruined “her” big day after laying out 25K for the wedding. The mom is a control freak for sure and a major psycho for putting a foot down about a limo someone else is paying for but cutting your parents off for not giving you a limo after they just shelled out 25 thousand dollars! If I tried something like that my parents would smack me upside the head back to the 3rld world, and by Straight Dope standards I am a totally spoiled child with overly generous parental units. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-problem-two-stubborn-women/362394.md?page=4)