# Wedding Question **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 10, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861 "2003-06-10T14:14:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/1 "2003-06-10T14:14:54Z")
A co-worker is getting married this weekend. We have a good working relationship and get along well. We are not so close that I recieved a wedding invitation, however. I am not upset by this in the least. I was wondering if it is acceptable for me to go to the church and see the wedding. I do not intend to crash the reception; I would probably enjoy seeing the wedding ceremony however. It’s in a decent size church, so finding an empty pew towards the back should not be difficult. Is this rude, or an invasion of privacy, or is it acceptable, considering it will be only for the church ceremony, and not the reception? She is off this week, so I can’t ask her opinion on this, and even if she was here, I would be incomfortable, not wanting to come off as if I am trying to invite myself. ---
**Author:** ![Breezy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b3f665/32.png) [@Breezy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Breezy)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/2 "2003-06-10T14:18:50Z")
Did your other coworkers get invitations? ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/3 "2003-06-10T14:19:11Z")
If the wedding is in a church, it’s open to the public, in which case you could go without committing a huge faux pas (assuming you behave yourself ;)). However, I must say that you are singlehandedly ruining my argument (with my SO) that people only go to a wedding for the free food and booze at the reception. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/4 "2003-06-10T14:27:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Breezy \* > \*\*Did your other coworkers get invitations? \*\* Yes, quite a few of her office girlfriends got invitations. A few of her closer male co-workers got invitations, too. She’s a well liked and respected member of our staff, and her wedding is beginning to dominate office chatter. It’s tough to be a man in a woman’s world. No one to re-hash last night’s game with… 😉 **auntie em** …two words about the reception: Cash Bar :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/5 "2003-06-10T14:50:07Z")
It’s gauche. I wouldn’t do it without asking first. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/6 "2003-06-10T15:08:58Z")
I’d ask first–it is somewhat rude to show up uninvited, even though it’s only for the ceremony. I’m sure if you called and asked her, she’d most likely be flattered and wouldn’t mind. ---
**Author:** ![Breezy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b3f665/32.png) [@Breezy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Breezy)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/7 "2003-06-10T15:32:16Z")
I was going to say to ask first, but the more I think about it, I wouldn’t have minded if extra people came to my wedding. There were so many people there that I probably wouldn’t have even noticed. Can you go as a guest with another co-worker? ---
**Author:** ![Mith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Mith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mith)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/8 "2003-06-10T16:41:53Z")
NO WAY… GO! for sure. receptions are expensive… and therefore ya have to be selective on who you invite. you cant very well give out an invite and say… “only come to the free thing at the church… we cant afford to feed you and a date” but i’m sure she would love for you to come. she’s probably spent a fortune on the dress and wants to show it and her new hubby off. churches are HUGE and it makes it seem lonely when only the first few rows are taken up. GO! go and watch her prance down the aisle! it’s not like it’s just a small wedding with only her family. go and give your support and congratulations! ---
**Author:** ![Mith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Mith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mith)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/9 "2003-06-10T16:46:32Z")
p.s. I’ve done this 4 times. I never asked. I knew the weddings fairly big and receptions are expensive… a couple cant pay for EVERYONE they know to come and party, drink and eat… but surely you are welcome to come see the ceremony. and yes, if its in a church, its open to the public. there could be some absolute strangers to the couple there, who just work for the church. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/10 "2003-06-10T16:55:51Z")
If she invited some co-workers, but not you, I think it would be tacky for you to show up anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Peg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Peg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peg)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/11 "2003-06-10T16:59:04Z")
The only potential downfall I can see is that your friend will see you, but feel really bad that she didn’t invite you. But if a coworker who is invited is allowed to bring a guest, I don’t see the problem with going as her guest. ---
**Author:** ![jellen92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6bbea6/32.png) [@jellen92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellen92)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/12 "2003-06-10T17:04:55Z")
I say make other plans and keep your pride, I’d never go to a wedding uninvited. Weddings are all the same anyway… white dress, dancing, booze… seriously, you want to go _that_ bad? ---
**Author:** ![Morgainelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Morgainelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgainelf)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/13 "2003-06-10T17:10:55Z")
I don’t think you should go. If I were the bride and had to be selective about whom to invite, then someone cared enough about me to come only to the ceremony even though he/she wasn’t invited to the reception, I would feel like a heel. You don’t want her thinking about that at the reception. And chances are she would see you, unless you snuck out before the end. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/14 "2003-06-10T19:24:28Z")
If you sat in the back alone and sobbed you might get an odd reputation among your coworkers, but I agree with **auntie em** , the church is not an invitation only situation. In some areas it isn’t uncommon for “the church ladies” to attend every wedding that is held in their church, even if the couple are not members. I of course cannot speak for your coworker but I would’ve been touched if someone I worked with made the effort to attend my ceremony without the reward of a catered dinner and open bar. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/15 "2003-06-10T19:27:53Z")
I wouldn’t. The church may be small, and they might not have enough room. I don’t know, to me crashing a wedding-even a church wedding-is just tacky. ---
**Author:** ![Sunglasses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5fc32e/32.png) [@Sunglasses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunglasses)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/16 "2003-06-10T19:46:17Z")
I disagree that because it’s in a church, it’s open to the public. Unless specifically stated in the announcement that it’s an “open wedding”, it’s a private affair. Having said that, it couldn’t hurt to ask the bride or one of her office friends if it’s okay for you to attend the ceremony. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/17 "2003-06-10T20:06:22Z")
As an addendum to my earlier statement, I’d like to offer words of wisdom from [Ann Landers](http://www.s-t.com/daily/04-99/04-14-99/zzzadlan.htm) (which may be a faux pas in itself ;)). Apparently, yeah, it’s OK to go, but you still shouldn’t do it. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@Bill\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_H)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/18 "2003-06-10T20:09:18Z")
Don’t do it. And don’t ask if you can do it. You’ll just make her feel bad about not inviting you. Anybody who’s been married can tell you that there are many people you’d like to invite but just can’t, and it’s a painful line to draw. Don’t make her feel bad about something that may have been a real stress for her. The fact that it’s a public church isn’t really relevant, because it’s a private ceremony. You wouldn’t show up in her living room if they did the wedding there, or even watch it through the window from the street. The fact that it’s legal to go doesn’t make it polite. Wish her well and ask to see the pictures. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wedding-question/180861/19 "2003-06-10T20:25:52Z")
I think I’ll play it safe and skip it. As **Bill H.** said, I’ll just “wish her well and ask to see the pictures.” No big deal either way. Her day certainly won’t hinge on whether I see her get married or not. Thanks for all the responses.