# Weird, creepy, and absolutely hilarious pick up lines! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 25, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088 "2005-07-25T18:23:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/21 "2005-07-25T22:01:58Z")
Has never been used on me, but was apparently a hit somewhere or other a friend of mine went: Guy: Excuse me, do you have jumper cables? Apparently clueless girl: No, why? Guy: Because my heart stopped when you walked by. You may all barf now. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/22 "2005-07-25T22:34:25Z")
“I’ve got legs!” ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/23 "2005-07-25T22:52:36Z")
Not technically a pick-up line, but funny: The comedian Stephen Wright walked up to his girlfriend and handed her two tablets and a glass of water. girlfriend: What’s this? Stephen Wright: It’s two aspirins for your headache. girlfriend: But I don’t have a headache right now. Stephen Wright: Aha! Got you! Let’s have sex. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/24 "2005-07-25T23:19:53Z")
Probably the most imaginative pickup line I’ve ever heard, and also fairly creepy: I was a paramedic, and my partner and I had just decided to go for lunch. We were walking past several outdoor cafes, and one man stood up in front of me, grabbed his chest, grinned and said “HELP! I can’t breathe! I need mouth to mouth!” My partner stepped forward and said he’d be happy to help, and the guy remembered how to breathe again. ---
**Author:** ![Ruckinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/977dab/32.png) [@Ruckinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruckinge)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/25 "2005-07-25T23:21:00Z")
:eek: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2005, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/26 "2005-07-25T23:39:15Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > “I’ve got legs!” “D’you like bread?” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Punkyova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@The\_Punkyova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Punkyova)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/27 "2005-07-26T02:25:55Z")
“Hey baby! Are your pants made of Windex? Cause I can see myself in 'em!” This was a while ago, when the Windex commercials were something about cleaning to a reflective shine. Sadly, this seemed to be the “in” thing to say. I worked as a Domino’s driver, and heard that about every third delivery for a while. I just said. “Here’s your pizza, [recite order], here in minutes, and you are the [Y] person to use the Windex line since [random date]. That will be $Z.” I didn’t smile, just stared at them expressionlessly. I was humorless when I was young. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/28 "2005-07-26T02:36:14Z")
A cartoon posted in the office at work (Gal heavy staff); Skeevy looking guy talking to a young woman on the street: Guy: “Heyyy, Baby, haven’t I seen you somewhere before?” Gal: “Yep, that’s why I don’t go there any more…” hee. ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/29 "2005-07-26T03:14:03Z")
I’ve never had the nerve to try a pickup line, but a couple I’ve seen used by friends; “Would you like to dance?” “No.” “Well I guess a blowjob is out of the question, huh?” No score on that one. But one that did work (they got married a year later); After watching a girl completely humiliate some guy who asked her to dance or something, friend walks over to girl and says “What did that guy ask to make you rip his head off and shit down his windpipe like that?” Apparently it appealed to her sense of humor. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/30 "2005-07-26T03:19:42Z")
I always liked Weird Al Yankovic’s song["I wanna be your lover."](http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Wanna-B-Ur-Lovr-lyrics-Weird-Al-Yankovic/2F0A086CF93D9D6848256D2E000AB4D5) There are a lot of good (or not so good) pick up lines in that one. My favorite is, “My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.” ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/31 "2005-07-26T03:34:08Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > I always liked Weird Al Yankovic’s song["I wanna be your lover."](http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Wanna-B-Ur-Lovr-lyrics-Weird-Al-Yankovic/2F0A086CF93D9D6848256D2E000AB4D5) > There are a lot of good (or not so good) pick up lines in that one. > > My favorite is, “My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.” This line defines how I would act: Say, has anyone ever told you You’ve got Yugoslavian hands? No, of course not, that would be stupid Just forget I ever brought it up That’s why I don’t use lines ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/32 "2005-07-26T03:53:17Z")
A young lady of my acquaintance who formerly worked in a Gentlemen’s Club told me that once one of the customers said to her, “you have really nice skin. If you were ever to die and didn’t need it any more I’d want to wear it.” I believe the following smiley is in order: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/33 "2005-07-26T03:58:35Z")
> [@elelle](#): > > A cartoon posted in the office at work (Gal heavy staff); > > Skeevy looking guy talking to a young woman on the street: > > Guy: “Heyyy, Baby, haven’t I seen you somewhere before?” > > Gal: “Yep, that’s why I don’t go there any more…” > > hee. That reminds me of this one (told to me by the mom of a couple friends): Guy: Hey baby, what’s your sign? Chick: Stop. And **El Kabongg** …Oh. My…EWWWWW ---
**Author:** ![luluBahrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e5b9ba/32.png) [@luluBahrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/luluBahrain)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/34 "2005-07-26T04:56:07Z")
The proper response to “Hey, baby, what’s your number?” “One”. This as you stick your middle finger up. ---
**Author:** ![look\_ninjas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@look\_ninjas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/look_ninjas)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/35 "2005-07-26T05:20:05Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > A young lady of my acquaintance who formerly worked in a Gentlemen’s Club told me that once one of the customers said to her, “you have really nice skin. If you were ever to die and didn’t need it any more I’d want to wear it.” > > I believe the following smiley is in order: > > :eek: It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again! This is not nearly as creepy, and I do hope it wasn’t seriously meant, but it is weird: “Hey, baby, did you just fart? Because you blew me away!” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Wrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@Mr.Wrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Wrong)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/36 "2005-07-26T05:27:57Z")
Hey, do you know how much a polar bear weighs? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Wrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@Mr.Wrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Wrong)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/37 "2005-07-26T05:41:16Z")
> [@Mr. Wrong](#): > > Hey, do you know how much a polar bear weighs? DiosaBellissima: Uh, No. Mr. Wrong: Just enough to break the ice. Hi, I’m Mr. Wrong. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/38 "2005-07-26T06:09:28Z")
How about this one, after an aquaintance of mine met my friend (Lucy Lawless look-alike) He: Hey ! Ask “Jane” are her legs tired. Me: Why? He: 'Cause she’s been runnin thru my dreams ever since I met her. :groan: ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/39 "2005-07-26T06:13:33Z")
> [@Mr. Wrong](#): > > DiosaBellissima: Uh, No. > > Mr. Wrong: Just enough to break the ice. Hi, I’m Mr. Wrong. DiosaBellissima: I’m sorry but I’m looking for Mr. Right. ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/40 "2005-07-26T06:53:07Z")
Idiot Male: Do you want something to drink? Me: No, thanks, I’ve got this pink thing here \ Idiot Male: Yes, I know, but do you want anything to _drink_ Yes, that’s right folks. He made a reference to my genitalia in the first 30 seconds of conversation. Creep. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088.md?page=3)