# Weird, creepy, and absolutely hilarious pick up lines! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 25, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088 "2005-07-25T18:23:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![GomiBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@GomiBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GomiBoy)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/41 "2005-07-26T12:53:53Z")
Friend of mine had a boat. He used to say to girls Friend - “What’s your name?” Girl - “\” Friend - “Wow, I have a boat named after you.” Girl - “Really?” Friend - “Yeah, I’ll bet you your phone number I’ve a boat named after you.” Girl - “You’re on, prove it!” He’d pull out a picture of the back of his (small, ratty, nasty-looking) boat, which was named… “After You” Worked surprisingly often, to be honest. Still kind of freaks me out. Another friend would stand by the ladie’s room in a bar, and ask every pretty girl who came out “Wanna fuck or do I owe you an apology?” Nine times out of ten he’d get slapped, but there’s always that one. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/42 "2005-07-26T13:09:18Z")
> [@Jackknifed Juggernaut](#): > > I read this on another pick-up line thread: > > “Excuse me, but does this towel smell like ether?” > > You wanted creepy! I laughed until I almost passed out at this. Beats my favourite, the never successful “Hey what the fuck are you looking at!” ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/43 "2005-07-26T13:21:44Z")
> [@Pullet](#): > > Idiot Male: Do you want something to drink? > > Me: No, thanks, I’ve got this pink thing here \ > > Idiot Male: Yes, I know, but do you want anything to _drink_ > > Yes, that’s right folks. He made a reference to my genitalia in the first 30 seconds of conversation. Creep. Er, what? I read it as him making fun of your girly beverage choice, and wanting to buy you something stronger, a “real drink,” straight booze of some kind. But I wasn’t there and I could jolly well be wrong. Was he leering or something when he said it? ---
**Author:** ![fubbleskag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fubbleskag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fubbleskag)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/44 "2005-07-26T13:27:09Z")
“pick a number between 1 and 10” _“uh… 3?”_ “i win, it was 7 - now take off your clothes” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/45 "2005-07-26T13:35:56Z")
Good lord. Now I remember why I don’t use pickup lines. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/46 "2005-07-26T13:44:01Z")
If you’ve been sitting next to a girl at a bar but haven’t had an opening to talk to her, stand up slowly and then yell. Mein Furher! I can WALK! She’ll either get it and start dating you or make sure you get a beating. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/47 "2005-07-26T17:48:07Z")
**Zebra** - I’d do you… what? **Mr Wrong** …LLLLAAAAAMMMMMMME. heh 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/48 "2005-07-26T18:02:07Z")
Used on me once by a poor, unsuspecting male: Him: Honey, you got a quarter? Me: Er… I think so. Why? Him: I always told my mama I’d call her when I met the girl of my dreams. :rolleyes: 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/49 "2005-07-26T19:28:23Z")
From the movie _Hitch_: A beautiful young woman is surrounded by a crowd of men at a bar. Hitch walks up to the crowd, elbowing his way in. Hitch (handing the girl a twenty): Excuse me. Hey, baby, can we get two Coronas over there? Thanks. (walks away) Girl: _Excuse me?!_ Hey! (follows him out of the crowd of guys) Hey! Hitch (still walking away) Two Coronas will be fine … keep the change. Girl (catching up to him): HEY! I am not a waitress! (hands him the money) Hitch holds the girl’s hand a moment. Hitch: I’ve got a confession to make. I knew you weren’t a waitress when I walked up. Girl: … then why …? Hitch: I knew I wouldn’t have a chance to talk with you around all those guys. That scene, and the scene where he meets Sarah Melas, are the epitome of cool in my book. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/50 "2005-07-26T19:41:45Z")
“Hey…I might not be much to look at but right now I’m the only guy talking to you!” “You know there’s nothing wrong with giving a blowjob in the bathroom…” Girl: “Do you know where [whatever] is?” Guy: “I think I have some in my pants. Do you want to go somewhere and take a look?” This quote is from a movie with Ryan Renalds (Van Wilder). I always thought it was amusing: Guy: “You should stop drinking.” Girl in Bar: "Why? I just got here. " Guy: “Because you’re driving me home.” ---
**Author:** ![Indyellen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/indyellen/32/4176_2.png) [@Indyellen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indyellen)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/51 "2005-07-26T19:54:17Z")
Well, it wasn’t that original a pickup line in and of itself…but the circumstances… I’m over at a friend’s house hanging out with a bunch of people. The house was on the corner of a fairly busy street & a side street. I’m waiting for traffic on the busy street so I can cross & go the Burger King for takeout. As I’m watching traffic, I hear from the direction of the side street, a male voice saying “Hey baby, wanna go for a ride?” I turn and look (thinking it might be one of my friends giving me sh\*t), and there, in a little rustbucket car, with the window rolled down… …is a CLOWN. Yes, a clown, in full make up, wig, polka-dotted outfit, the works. In something akin to shock, I turned around and walked back into my friend’s house, where I was able to say (in all truth)… “You’re not gonna believe this, but I was just hit on by some clown!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/52 "2005-07-27T05:32:03Z")
A European goldsmith once used this line on me: “Would you like to see my jewels?” Twenty-five years later he still recalled that I got “very red in the head.” ---
**Author:** ![JoeSki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b487fb/32.png) [@JoeSki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoeSki)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/53 "2005-07-27T06:09:34Z")
My two favorite lines 1. “Excuse me, were you parents assholes? 'Cause baby, you’re the shit!” 2)“Ah, so I see you’ve already given away your virginity. Would you mind if I played with the box it came in?” I desperatley hope to use both of these lines in a bar someday ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/54 "2005-07-27T06:50:23Z")
I’ve never bothered with pickup lines. They seem desperate somehow. I stick to “Can I buy you a beer?” or swinging smoothly in to light a cigarette. Recently I was at a bar downtown with a couple of friends. I wasn’t paying attention, but my friends pointed out to me that a lady down the bar was checking me out. She was a good deal older than me but she was very attractive. She was also there with two friends, another lady and one big galoot in between. I kept my eye out on them and Goons McSwarthy seemed to be paying a lot of attention to the other woman. So far, so good, says I. I make my approach and exchange pleasantries, bum her a smoke and a light. McSwarthy eyeballs me but not menacingly. In fact, he doesn’t seem to care that much. I am emboldened. Emboldened, yet cautious. I’m very glad I asked the following question. “Say, if I buy you a drink, will that big dude next to you get mad?” “Him? Nah, he’s my boyfriend.” That big, hairy brick wall of a man didn’t even look at me. He was that cool. “Ah,” I said, “cool.” I promptly ordered two beers for my friends and walked away quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/55 "2005-07-27T06:51:04Z")
The pickup line: “Is a crawdad a crustation or a mollusk?” The reality: A friend and I were having WAY too many drinks in a bar and get into a conversation if people know the difference between a crustation and a mollusk. I thought most didn’t know. We spotted a couple of girls at the bar and I thought I’d test it. So here I am, some drunk goof off, walking up to a couple of chicks while my friend smirked behind me. The bad news is I returned to the table shot down and rejected. The good news is I got to say I proved my point because they told me to “get lost” because they didn’t know the answer. ---
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/56 "2005-07-27T09:33:32Z")
I mentioned this in the Drunk-Jerk-Inna-Bar thread, but: “Give me pussy. I know you have one” has got to be the worst attempt ever. Although I can see what he was trying for. It’s not as if I can deny packing, so to speak… ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/57 "2005-07-27T10:00:41Z")
“So, would you let your best friend wank you off?” mid-conversation from a paedophile on Bath 'bus station circa 1973 may not count. I’m pleased to report that I fielded this one with becoming dignity for a 12-year-old. And I wasn’t to be swayed even by the strongly-implied offer of money. Neither penis nor panic ensued. I believe I experienced the upside of social ineptitude that day. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/58 "2005-07-27T14:22:18Z")
> [@Seven](#): > > The pickup line: “Is a crawdad a crustation or a mollusk?” > > The reality: A friend and I were having WAY too many drinks in a bar and get into a conversation if people know the difference between a crustation and a mollusk. I thought most didn’t know. We spotted a couple of girls at the bar and I thought I’d test it. > > So here I am, some drunk goof off, walking up to a couple of chicks while my friend smirked behind me. > > The bad news is I returned to the table shot down and rejected. > > The good news is I got to say I proved my point because they told me to “get lost” because they didn’t know the answer. Yes, but the real question is, “How do you spell crustacean?” (And they might have told you to get lost because you were a drunken fool hitting on them. Just saying.) ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/59 "2005-07-27T17:21:47Z")
“You know, I may not be Mr Right, but I can be Mr Right Now!” Never used it, never had to. Said to my friend Rachel: “So, you wanna go halvsies on a baby?” Her response: “Oh, my gosh, YES! But not with you.” ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088/60 "2005-07-27T17:35:29Z")
Woman (making out with my friend): “we shouldn’t be doing this! I’m MARRIED!!” Guy: “your right…let’s go to the BATHROOM!!!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-creepy-and-absolutely-hilarious-pick-up-lines/314088.md?page=4)