Weird customers at closing time?

In My Humble Opinion
21

A couple weeks ago some of our most annoying library patrons, Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber, were in da house. They’re brother and sister, but we think they act like a married couple (who have grown to look alike) so sometimes we call them the Incest Twins. They’re incredibly bovine - not just stupid, but actively cowlike. They break microfilm machines like they’re made of flash paper and matches. They ask the stupidest questions and if they don’t like the answer (“No, I cannot get in my time travel machine and go back to 1946 and make them have printed your grandfather’s obituary. No.”) they just stare at you, hoping you’ll change your mind or something. They ignore closing announcements like nobody else - once they had me fixing a microfilm machine jam right at closing and rushed me so hard I burned myself on it. “So… I need this print, though.” They actually wanted to stay late after I burned my hand to get that damned print from that damned microfilm.

Anyway, couple weeks ago the nickel machine was out, and you need nickels to print from microfilm. So I, out of the GOODNESS OF MY HEART, let them borrow the master key, keep track of their printing, and pay at the end. Okay? I did them a FAVOR I did not have to do. I was busy near closing because other people were paying attention to the announcements and needed help saving their work, so it takes me completely by surprise as, in the moment they make the closing announcement, the Incest Twins approach the desk and mumble that they’re ready to pay. It was eleven bucks and change. They only had a fucking twenty.

MRAAAAAR!

I told them to pay us later and that this was completely unacceptable.

Anyway, they’re here again today, and my boss bugged them about what they owe us. Evidently they were all like “We didn’t know we had to pay early…” and said they owed about ten. AND THEY STILL ONLY HAD A TWENTY. So she took the ten. And they’re still there. I can feel them between my shoulder blades, just waiting to ask me a stupid question RIGHT NOW.

22

That whole post was hilarious. But this line stood out. Because it holds true in a lot of retail situations, too. Some ridiculous rude customer will be making outrageous demands, and when denied, will say, with a superior smirk like he or she is about to put the fear of god into you, “I’d like to see the manager.” Yeah, no problem. Because maybe I’ve been lucky, but in every retail job I ever worked, the manager was well aware that some customers are complete jerks. If the manager knows that the employee is generally reasonable, in the absence of contradictory evidence, he’s going to assume it’s the customer who’s in the wrong. He may kiss ass and try to appease the customer, but it’s not like employees get fired every time some jackass calls the manager.

One reason this “never tell a customer to leave” thing is so bad that it so often leaves the* customer *feeling horrible. Any nice and normal person would feel like a complete asshole if he or she had inadvertently made the staff stay another hour while browsing aimlessly.

At my most recent retail job, we closed at 6. Sometimes it would be 6:10 or so and we hadn’t bothered to ask customers to leave yet because we were busy with some other closing-up stuff or finishing a big sale or whatever. So I’d go up to the customer and say “by the way, we’re closing up now.” The person would say “oh, what time do you close?” I’d say “6.” And the person would look at her watch and fall all over herself apologizing for keeping us late. And I’d end up having to reassure her that she really wasn’t keeping us and it was no problem. I quickly learned to say “6, but we’re closing up a little late today.” They would still apologize, but at least I didn’t have to do an on-the-spot psychological crisis intervention.

23

I’m making a mental note to wash my merchandise after I buy it and before I wear it for the first time. I know, I know, that’s gross but I never really thought about it…

24

I’ve done this since about a week after starting work in that store. It’s one thing to go shopping after you’ve been at work all day. It’s quite another to go shopping after you’ve been on a weeklong camping trip, and you haven’t hit the showers yet.

And a lot of people regard clothing as rental items. They’ll buy stuff, wear it, and then return it. We finally established a formal policy of not accepting returns for any fancy items, cocktail wear, prom dresses, mother of the bride outfits, stuff like that. We also told a couple of customers that they were no longer allowed to return or exchange ANYTHING, that they should make up their minds about the clothes before they bought. We suspected that they were wearing the clothes a time or two, and then returning them. One woman said that it was a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. The manager said that she could change her mind all she liked, but she was not going to exchange any more items, if she didn’t like what she’d bought, that was just tough noogies.

A lot of customers declared that they wouldn’t stand for not being able to exchange their formalwear. Since these women usually took up a lot of a clerk’s time, and actually cost us money, we were glad that they didn’t want to shop with us any more.

25

I am occasionally left wondering what the hell is going through the minds of people who call me five minutes before my office closes, who want to plan a ski vacation here for a year and a half in the future and don’t know anything at all about us except the name. Then I have to sit there and talk them through all the various accomodation options, plus packages, plus answering the same question that they asked five minutes ago because they weren’t listening the first time because they jumped in the middle of my answer with a totally unrelated question, while looking at the phone and praying nobody else calls while they’re on the line because then I’ll be here even longer and it’s been eight hours and honestly I just want to go home. If I get lucky, I’m out of there only a half hour or so late. And oddly they always seem to be calling from the east coast, where it’s 11 PM!

Who plans their vacation at 11 PM? Seriously? I mean, I could see poking around websites, but I wouldn’t be calling anybody at that hour, even if it it’s two hours earlier where I want to go. It can wait until morning.

Please don’t think I have a bad attitude and hate the people who call me. Mostly I like my job fine and I don’t mind spending a long time with you if it is helpful. Just please for the love of Og don’t call me at 8:55 my time unless it’s going to be something really quick.

26

Had this lady not heard of ATMs? I hear those things never close…

27

My favorites are the ones who don’t get in in time:

Customer: I work seven days a week!
Me: so do I. :door stays locked:

We close at 9, customer comes to the door at 9:05:
Customer: But my watch says 8:58!
Me: We go by the store clock, which says “9:05” :door stays locked:

Customer: Do you have <product we don’t carry>, it would be a blessing if you let me in to buy it.
Me: We don’t have that, ma’am.
Customer: YOU’RE A LIAR!
:door stays locked:

28

You should add:

Me: But come by tomorrow, and we’ll sell you a reliable watch.

29

My experience.

The scene: Macy’s fine jewelry, where I moonlighted during the holidays. (Does this explain my hatred of xmas music?)

Macy’s in its infinite wisdom decided to keep the store open really late–until midnight–a few times in the weeks leading up to the Main Event. That really brought out the weirdos.

The best: A couple who came into the store at about two minutes until midnight. When the lights went out they were standing at the jewelry counter and I was saying, “Sorry, guys, the store is closed.”

“But we just need two rings. We know exactly what we want. Just plain bands.”

Me: “The store is closed.”

Unfortunately a manager was right there and she kind of nodded at me and then came up and said, “They know what they want–help them out.”

!@#$%!!

Closing the fine jewelry dept. is complicated and takes, like, an hour (cases and cases of jewelry have to be put into the safe). We couldn’t even start pulling the jewelry until the area had been roped off, it took a long time even with more than one person, and that night it was just me. And here were these two, standing there looking at the plain bands.

Even if you know exactly what you want and go right to it, there’s still a lot involved in selling fine jewelry. If they had said, “That one,” it would still have been at least 10 minutes before I could have gotten them out of there, and of course they did not. “Plain band” can mean a lot of things. There are a lot of sizes.

I kept wondering, what was the hurry? Who the fuck goes to pick out their wedding rings at midnight right before the store closes? It’s not like I’m in Las Vegas. (I’m in Denver.)

The kicker. After buying the rings, the guy became one of only two people who ever offered to tip me when I worked retail. He held out a $50 bill. It was kind of tantalizing but I declined.

I sold them two rings and finished the transaction at approximately 12:24, at which time the only people left in the store were the managers and me. I still had to rope off the area, pull the jewelry, and all that other stuff that takes an hour. Some manager had to let them out of the store.

The worst: A woman was in the belt section, which was right across from the jewelry section. She was trying on belts. She seemed a little odd. In fact, very odd. So odd, in fact, that I called security. She was putting on belt after belt, but not taking any off.

Just after I called security, but before they arrived, she keeled over with a weird little sound. Then security arrived, then they called the paramedics.

They got her revived. While they were resuscitating her, she threw up. The security people asked me to call the housekeeping people, but they were gone. By this time we were about 20 minutes past closing time. Two of the paramedics walked her out to an ambulance. I assume she was okay, although I never saw her there again–and I would have remembered her.

One of the security people asked me if I could clean up the puke. I was very clear that I would not, that, in fact, I would quit on the spot–and let the security people put all the jewelry away, in addition to cleaning up the puke. They decided to clean it up themselves and leave me to my jewelry.

30

Why?

31

I think we are really not supposed to take tips from customers, and all the managers in the store were right there. It just didn’t feel right. Retail is not a tippable occupation.

The other one offered to buy me a cup of coffee when I got off work. I declined, because I didn’t want to see him when I got off work. About ten minutes later he showed up with a cup of Starbucks and handed it over, and I took it. I felt a little weird about that one, too–he could have put something in it. But I drank it, and it was fine.

32

Why don’t retail store managers just enforce the closing time and tell these customers to leave? Whatever tiny amount of profit the stores get from these last-minute sales is almost certainly offset by the overtime they’ll need to pay out.

33

I don’t know. Why did that manager tell me to help those people out? Not that they weren’t nice people and all that–but if they had to have their matching bands that night, they should have gone to an all-night retailer. Like Walmart.

But what they need to pay out in labor costs is minuscule. The managers are on salary and the associates don’t get a real high hourly rate. Particularly seasonal associates.

34

Customer, with wife and kids trailing, walks in at 6:58pm.
[me] Just so you know, we’re closing in two minutes.
[customer] <stops, glares> You close at 8!
[me] Ahh, no, actually we close at 7
[customer] <shakes head> Whatever! I’ll only be a minute anyway
<walks to computer department and begins asking all the stats and features of all the machines, tries to negotiate on price, finally leaves at 7:23pm>

“You close at 8!”. Riiiight. Because you, sweet customer, would have better knowledge of the closing time of the store than the employees.

35

It’s all in the name of keeping the customers happy.

I worked in retail for many years, mostly in mall shops, and every mall I worked in had rules about individual stores lowering the gate or shutting the door until it was exactly closing time. We were not allowed to lower the gate halfway even five minutes early, as a sign that we were getting ready to close.

36

Jeez, I got that all the time when I sold beer.

Me: “Sorry, it’s 2:05, we can’t sell after 2 AM.”

Douchebag: “But… but… my watch says 1:59!”

M: “That’s awesome for you, but the receipt and computer records will show 2:05, and if there were a complaint, we’d lose our liquor license.”

D: “I DEMAND that you sell me this beer!”

M: “<commits suicide>”

Joe

37

Riiiight. FYI, that wasn’t “foam.”

Joe

38

Almost no-one working in retail gets overtime anymore (at least not here, anyway)

After I’d handed in my resignation, I was finally able to tell people wandering in five minutes before close and asking lots of vague just-looking-at-the-shiny-gadget questions about non-impulse purchase items (like laptops or massive screen LCDs or other things that people don’t generally buy on a whim) that we were closed, we didn’t get overtime, and unless they were in the store to purchase something they’d have to come back tomorrow.

The general public still seem to be under the misapprehension that retail staff get paid as long as the store is open. They don’t. They get paid to a certain time and if they’re still there after that, well, they’d better hope the sales commission is worth it.

39

Retail really depends on the store. Everywhere I’ve worked in retail, the closing shifts are always put on the schedule as, say, 2-10, even if the store closes at nine. The extra hour afterwards is intended for cleaning and straightening the store so it can open the next morning, closing the cash and counting the money, and so on. We weren’t paid overtime–this was just an ordinary hourly wage. This does not mean we were encouraged to keep customers in the store–our managers generally enforced a “kill them with kindness” approach, where any customers in the store after closing got their own personal escort “Can I help you find anything? Are you looking for anything? Can I take these things up to the register for you?” and so on.

We wanted people to GTFO right at closing. That way we could hurry through the cleaning and sit around shooting the shit while the manager counted the money, and still get paid for it. (Policy required other people be in the store while the manager counted the money.)

The worst I ever had was while working in a warehouse-style shoe store. We had this group of women come in about five minutes before closing and stay for a half an hour. After closing, most of us employees took off our shoes (heels) and began the cleaning process. The customers proceeded to A) denigrate our selection, B) insult us, and C) talk about how we had nothing we wanted. They spoke in Russian, unaware that I and a manager on duty both spoke Russian. We took great glee in translating their words to the rest of the customers.

40

Not if you worked at Wal-Mart. They had you punch out at 9, but still stay until 10 doing the cleanup. But you didn’t get paid any wage at all for that extra hour a night.

That was one of the issues in a recent class-action lawsuit by employees that Wal-Mart lost.