# Weird guy at gym (mind my own business?) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 5, 2011, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200 "2011-09-05T00:18:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/61 "2011-09-06T13:31:29Z")
Maybe he was just going round asking people if they would give him some help doing wheelchair pull-ups? (Hey, its possible…) ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/62 "2011-09-06T13:51:32Z")
“Where’s your wheelchair?” “It’s out in my van… would you mind giving me a hand?” ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/63 "2011-09-06T14:03:28Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > Maybe he was just going round asking people if they would give him some help doing wheelchair pull-ups? > > (Hey, its possible…) Inappropriate cheap shot at someone not even participating in this thread. Do not do this again. ---
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/64 "2011-09-06T14:08:20Z")
> [@Candyman74](#): > > But the OP indicated this guy got chatty with both genders and all ages, not only young girls. > > She’s admittedly later clarified with what _does_ appear to be obnoxious behaviour, but that sure as hell wasn’t in her OP. Her initial description was: **"I saw him talk both to other guys his age (30+), and to girls about 15-20. He was friendly rather than threatening**". She later\* revised\* that to following young girls from gym station to gym station. The two descriptions sound almost like two entirely different events to me. It wasn’t from gym station to gym station. Well, I guess from his station (weights machine) to her station (cardio machine). It’s a small gym, with weights on one side, and cardio on the other. He was using the weights machines next to the central aisle. She went to the 2nd cardio machine along. When she moved further away, he didn’t follow her. > [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > I’s still like **Weedy** to describe this shoulder bumping thing. The only shoulder bump that I know of come in two varieties: > > Aggressive: Bumper lowers his or her shoulder and deliberately knocks into the shoulder of the bumpee. Usually seen when males are asserting their dominance, and performed while walking toward one another. Usually quite forceful, and never friendly. > > Friendly: A quick bump of shoulders between males. usually seen at sporting type endeavors where they don’t want to get sweat on one another. Kind of a “Hey great job bro!” type thing. This can also be performed in conjunction with a handshake in lieu of a hug. > > If this was something else I’ve never seen it. Describe please? I had the impression it was meant as a friendly shoulder bump, as performed between guys who know each other. Why he performed it with girls he didn’t know, I’m not sure. My current hypothesis is that he’s weird. It seems to me that people know what kind of shoulder bump it was, but it doesn’t make any sense for him to have done that, so they think it must have been something else. If you want to simulate what happened, stand near something next to an aisle. When someone walks past you, bump your shoulder against theirs. When they turn around, smile and say something. Decide if you were being aggressive or friendly. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/65 "2011-09-06T14:12:09Z")
> [@palacheck](#): > > I saw the title of this thread and knew instantly that its path was set. > > 1.) OP(usually a woman) describes some social situation involving older men(or men in general) and women(usually young). > 2.) OP is vague as humanly possible. > 3.) 1 or more of the same bunch of Spiderwomen(experts at interpreting the so-called “spidey sense”) come in and steer the conversation into some really dark places, often somehow involving Gavin de Becker and/or rape and sexual assault. > > … > > 5.) The same–or similar–group of male Dopers go “Huh? Wha…?” > 6.) The same–or similar–group of female Dopers go “This! and That! Don’t you see?!” replete with personal anecdotes that may or may not have anything to do with the OP. > 7.) OP finally remembers that they opened one of those thread thingys on them there internets, and finally graces us with their presence. > 8.) They then proceed to actually elaborate on the scenario in the OP. This will oftentimes change the interpretation _completely_, usually making it so obviously creepy/weird that it makes the original query laughable. So, if I’m interpreting your prophecies correctly, by your own account, the people you’re insulting in this post are usually right in their interpretations, while you, being I’m guessing male, are invariably clueless, but you’re insulting them anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Plumbkrazy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f05b48/32.png) [@Plumbkrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plumbkrazy)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/66 "2011-09-06T14:18:49Z")
As the father of two young daughters, I view every male on Earth as a potential child rapist, so I say do whatever the hell you want. If musclehead doesn’t like it, too fucking bad. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/67 "2011-09-06T14:47:19Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > You do know that’s exactly how they found Jaycee, right? Some woman’s spidey sense started tingling. No one did anything wrong or actionable, just set off someone’s spidey sense. They found Jaycee because her kidnapper visited the UC Berkeley police office to get permission to host an event for his invented church, the “Gods Desire Church,” and he explained to the person there that he had the power to control sound with his mind. I guess we’ll never know what made her spidey sense tingle. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/68 "2011-09-06T14:55:29Z")
> [@Plumbkrazy](#): > > As the father of two young daughters, I view every male on Earth as a potential child rapist, so I say do whatever the hell you want. If musclehead doesn’t like it, too fucking bad. Would you also agree with the validity of statements such as: [ul] [li]“I view every muslim on Earth as a potential terrorist, so I say do whatever the hell you want. If raghead doesn’t like it, too fucking bad.” [/li][li]“I view every black man on Earth as a potential mugger, so I say do whatever the hell you want. If _[I can’t bring myself to type the particular insult that fits in here]_ doesn’t like it, too fucking bad.” [/li][/ul] Because to me they’re very similar. We’ll all agree that rapists, terrorists, and muggers exist. But blanket statements such as yours (and those I just used) sound just as dangerous to me. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/69 "2011-09-06T14:57:04Z")
> [@palacheck](#): > > 3a-optional.) **Freudian Slit** comes in and(usually) states her opinion in the form of a question i.e. “Aw shucks, does this really happen to you? Maybe I’m just weird but it doesn’t happen to me…” Dude, pay attention. I actually said it has happened to me and that the OP should try talking to the girls at the gym to see if they are in fact weirded out before doing anything. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/70 "2011-09-06T15:02:57Z")
> [@Plumbkrazy](#): > > As the father of two young daughters, I view every male on Earth as a potential child rapist, so I say do whatever the hell you want. If musclehead doesn’t like it, too fucking bad. Username/post combo FTW! ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/71 "2011-09-06T15:03:00Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](#): > > So, if I’m interpreting your prophecies correctly, by your own account, the people you’re insulting in this post are usually right in their interpretations, while you, being I’m guessing male, are invariably clueless, but you’re insulting them anyway? I believe point 8 is meant to suggest that the shape-shifting nature of the complaint (as, for instance, in the current thread where the dudebrah complained of was, in the OP, talking to patrons of both sexes in a “friendly/non-aggressive” way, and who, by the time the OP clarified the account, was limiting his interactions to young women only and in an aggressive fashion) _diminishes_ the credibility of the spiderwomen, rather than bolsters it. Or maybe it’s just that the spiderwomen’s spidey senses are so astonishingly well-calibrated that they transcend time, space, and the internet. That, after all, is the only other reason I can think of to explain the fact the “clarifications” always explain that the SDMB spiderwomen’s speculations have been spot on. Despite their apparent obstacles of (1) not having been there, and (2) having been contradicted by the now-repudiated OP. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/72 "2011-09-06T15:10:17Z")
> [@Plumbkrazy](#): > > As the father of two young daughters, I view every male on Earth as a potential child rapist, so I say do whatever the hell you want. Hopefully your betters aren’t making the same assumption about you, with respect to your two young daughters. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/73 "2011-09-06T15:16:30Z")
Female spidey sense, explained for the gentlemen; Every woman was once a innocent developing young girl. And though her Mom and Dad told her to, ‘take care’, ‘be aware’, etc, etc, she’s just learning to move freely and independently in the world at 12yrs of age. She climbs into an elevator, one day, with a man who smiles at her, and seems no more threatening, than her own Dad. She smiles back. When the doors close the conversation starts and it’s all innocent enough until he gropes her. She jumps back, exits the elevator and loses a little innocence. It will be some time before she just smiles back at someone. She won’t tell anyone because, well, teenagers are cruel, and her parents may limit her freedom and independence, as a result. So she just takes the lesson on board and moves on wiser and more aware. (If you don’t believe this happens to every woman, ask the one sitting next to you. Ask her how many people she told, while you’re at it.) She is more cautious, but, with each passing day she moves back to that smiling innocent. Then she’s on a crowded bus one day, she sees a fellow get on who makes immediate eye contact with her and smiles, she breaks eye contact and her spidey sense tingles. But now she’s an idealistic 16 yr old, and he hasn’t _done_ anything. She doesn’t want to become like her horrible neighbour who thinks all Latinos are criminals, or her Auntie who doesn’t like Cubans because she was once mugged by one. She tells herself, he hasn’t done anything, actionable or overt. So she overrides her own spidey sense with her idealist sense of fairness, as he makes his way to the seat beside her. And then, he starts rubbing up against her, she jumps from her seat and exits the bus. And again she tells no one, because she feels such a fool. She didn’t trust her own instinct, she feels complicit. If this is your daughter (and by the way, it’s all your daughters, sorry to tell you!) what do you want her to do when her spidey sense goes off next? Get into that elevator? Look the other way because she’s not the intended victim? Women develop spidey sense from life experiences as young girls. If you’d like to stop it work on the man side instead of the women who have been groped. This mans actions set off this woman’s spidey sense. That’s enough for me. No one wants him hung, evicted or tainted. But it is not unreasonable to say something to someone, in confidence. If it was your gym, and you were the owner, you wouldn’t want to know? Seriously? Until he actually gropes somebody, he’s a okay with you? ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/74 "2011-09-06T15:17:59Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Female spidey sense, explained for the gentlemen; > > Every woman was once a innocent developing young girl. And though her Mom and Dad told her to, ‘take care’, ‘be aware’, etc, etc, she’s just learning to move freely and independently in the world at 12yrs of age. > > She climbs into an elevator, one day, with a man who smiles at her, and seems no more threatening, than her own Dad. She smiles back. When the doors close the conversation starts and it’s all innocent enough until he gropes her. She jumps back, exits the elevator and loses a little innocence. It will be some time before she just smiles back at someone. She won’t tell anyone because, well, teenagers are cruel, and her parents may limit her freedom and independence, as a result. So she just takes the lesson on board and moves on wiser and more aware. (If you don’t believe this happens to every woman, ask the one sitting next to you. Ask her how many people she told, while you’re at it.) > > She is more cautious, but, with each passing day she moves back to that smiling innocent. Then she’s on a crowded bus one day, she sees a fellow get on who makes immediate eye contact with her and smiles, she breaks eye contact and her spidey sense tingles. But now she’s an idealistic 16 yr old, and he hasn’t _done_ anything. She doesn’t want to become like her horrible neighbour who thinks all Latinos are criminals, or her Auntie who doesn’t like Cubans because she was once mugged by one. She tells herself, he hasn’t done anything, actionable or overt. So she overrides her own spidey sense with her idealist sense of fairness, as he makes his way to the seat beside her. And then, he starts rubbing up against her, she jumps from her seat and exits the bus. And again she tells no one, because she feels such a fool. She didn’t trust her own instinct, she feels complicit. > > If this is your daughter (and by the way, it’s all your daughters, sorry to tell you!) what do you want her to do when her spidey sense goes off next? Get into that elevator? Look the other way because she’s not the intended victim? > > Women develop spidey sense from life experiences as young girls. If you’d like to stop it work on the man side instead of the women who have been groped. > > This mans actions set off this woman’s spidey sense. That’s enough for me. No one wants him hung, evicted or tainted. But it is not unreasonable to say something to someone, in confidence. > > If it was your gym, and you were the owner, you wouldn’t want to know? Seriously? Until he actually gropes somebody, he’s a okay with you? Yeah, we know. We just usually call it “borderline personality disorder.” ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/75 "2011-09-06T15:24:06Z")
Pathologising awareness might be valid if street harassment weren’t so common. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/76 "2011-09-06T15:25:59Z")
> [@Candyman74](#): > > She’s now clarified that it was the former - aggressive - rather than the friendly/not-threatening version we were originally presented with. > > She’s also now clarified that rather than being friendly to people of all ages and both genders, he was specifically following young girls around. > > Given the new version of events, I’d agree with her that something sounds off. The story seems to have changed, unfortunately, so it’s hard to tell. But given the current version of events - yeah, he sounds like someone to be wary of. No, and No again. When come back, bring reading comprehension. **Weedy** Still thinks that the bump was friendly, she just doesn’t understand why he was doing it. Also he didn’t “follow young girls around”, He followed one girl to one station, apparently chatted he up a bit and went back to his station when she moved off. **SecondJudith** and **Mswhatsit** , no matter how hard you protest, most normal people would not view a person chatting up another person at the gym as creepy in and of itself, even if the ages are a bit weird. If you don’t want ever deal with a male in conversation at the gym, join a women’s only facility where your delicate sensibilities will never be trodden upon by mongol hordes eager to pillage your charms that no doubt lie in wait at every free weight station. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/77 "2011-09-06T15:29:28Z")
+1 Elbows, and thank you for taking the time to type that out. So true! I just really think that the people who demean these hard-won instincts have no idea, and never will, and don’t want to know. Women who are afraid to be rude, afraid to act on insinct, afraid to trust themselves are victimized in ways alrge and small until they learn to stop being afraid. Then we become b1tches. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/78 "2011-09-06T15:32:31Z")
> [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > **SecondJudith** and **Mswhatsit** , no matter how hard you protest, most normal people would not view a person chatting up another person at the gym as creepy in and of itself, even if the ages are a bit weird. Where did I say that chatting up another person at the gym was creepy? ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/79 "2011-09-06T15:34:14Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Yes it is. Right here after you quoted me about talking to women at the gym. You then qualified your statement, I’ll grant. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2011, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200/80 "2011-09-06T15:36:11Z")
> [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > Right here after you quoted me about talking to women at the gym. > > You then qualified your statement, I’ll grant. I quoted this: > [@Acid Lamp](#): > > As for following a couple of girls around, so what? Guys do that all the time at the gym. It isn’t the best place to try to make friends or pick up dates, but it certainly isn’t creepy either. I said, “Yes, it is.” You said nothing in that quote about chatting girls up. I was very specifically responding only to your statement that following girls around wasn’t creepy. For someone who has been bitching about other people’s lack of reading comprehension, I’m a little surprised I need to explain this in such detail. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-guy-at-gym-mind-my-own-business/595200.md?page=5)