My sister goes to school in Pittsburgh. There is a famous panhandler in the Oakland section called Sombrero Man. He wears a giant sombrero and asks passersby for “change, change for the Missions”. I’ve given him money, and so has my sister and her friends.
And you never say “Hi, Tucker!” when you see me. 
Back when I was living in Murfreesboro, there was a 6 ft.+ tall homeless man who’d wander around the town. He once cornered me and told me that he was running for President and he thought that all Americans were half-Jewish. :eek:
This brings back memories…when I was an undergrad (UMASS Amherst), there was this old guy who worked in the Chemistry dept. building…he was some kind of technician. He wore a poneytail, and had ribbons in his hair, and dressed in extremely old clothes. His major activity was feeding the ducks on the campus pond-he was always collecting stale bread, crackers, etc. for his ducks. I used to see him trudging along, with sacks of bread for his ducks.
Just a harmless old guy who liked ducks, I guess.
I have been to Zern’s market in PA. It is permanent out-patient day at that place. It’s the sort of place you go to buy hubcaps for a '71 Gremlin and bulk paper plates. If Ebay had a retail location, it would be at Zern’s. All the usual suspects are there selling their wares:
The Crazy Bearded Militia Member: he is old and fat and has a ZZ Top beard. He sells surplus military supplies like old boots and gas masks. If you know him personally, or have a friend who does, he will sell you methamphetamines while discoursing at length on his politcal views.
Professional Flea Market Couple: older man and woman decked out in matching Disneyland t-shirts selling glass candy dishes in the shape of dachshunds. Beware their attempts to convince you the limited edition Merle Haggard kitchen dinette set will appreciate dramatically in value.
Man of Indeterminate Nationality: difficult to understand, but can tell the difference between a nickel and a quarter at 50 yards. Often shows up on market mornings with several 50-gallon barrels filled with loose disposable plastic lighters. Guaranteed at least half-full of fluid!
Food Vendors: specialize in sticky buns and what may once have been pork. Avoid at all costs. However, coutning the remaining teeth among patrons in the sticky bun line helps to pass the time.
Children: everywhere. Seem not to have been produced via usual human means, but rather appear to have grown fungus-like from spores on the filthy linoleum flooring. Loud. Will attempt to touch you. Cannot be avoided.
Mom: overweight, in spandex and giant stained t-shirt that might once have said “Harley Davidson”. Wearing flip-flops. The awesome power of her scream, directed at her brood, will cause your ears to bleed.
Dad: keeps a shotgun on a rack on his motorcycle. No more need be said.
In my own town, some 30 miles from Zern’s, we get a bit of the run-off. Here a few local heroes:
Waldo: lives in the group home. Rail-thin and habitually dressed in a bright red and blue-striped shirt. Hangs around the shopping center “fielding grounders”, e.g., picking up crushed cigarette butts from the ground and attempting to smoke them.
Nguyen the Alien: insane Vietnamese man with a freakishly large head who has assaulted townsfolk for using the sidewalk outside of his house. Has made claims to the airspace above his home, often shaking his fist at passing planes and screaming in Vietnamese and English. Arrested for throwing garbage bags filled with trash at pedestrians.
Hoodie: wears a filthy grey hooded sweatshirt, and wanders around town. Once arrested for masturbating on a tree in the public park.
Sulky Teenagers: with their large pants and unfortunate skin conditions, they cluster in groups around a single car outside of the supermarket parking lot, hoping against hope that one of them will have managed to steal a pack of smokes from mom. Often removed by local police after distraught shoppers notice the empty Slurpee cups littering the parking lot.
GIR: named for the loveable robot character of “Invader Zim” fame, GIR is a fat teenager with Down’s Syndrome who wanders the streets asking people to hug him. He will, upon request, sing one of his many “songs”, with a simple beat and lyrics along the lines of “Cars, cars, cars, going to the bank- YAY!!!” Once wet his pants with joy after being given spare change by a frightened pedestrian.
There are, unbelievably enough, even more, but these are the most interesting.
Here in Austin, we’ve got ourselves something of a celebrity. He’s a homeless transvestite named Leslie who’s been around for Lord knows how long. He gets most of his clothes from second hand stores that cater to strippers, and has been seen on numerous occassions riding his bike with it’s little attatched wagon all around town. In the evenings, he wanders around downtown, checking out the bar scene, and everyone knows him and gives him free drinks. He’s been in numerous television commercials and even ran for mayor. What’s a little more disturbing than that is, in at least one district, he received 13% of the popular vote!!
God I love this town!
Boy, you-all have way more colorful weirdos than we do, which I think is odd, since I live very close to a mental institution and a lot of former guests of that institution have settled in town.
We have a very large man in the neighborhood who has a chihuahua. Every day, he walks this little doggie on a 25-foot leash that had to have been made for a Rottweiler - the weight of the leash sometimes causes the dog to fall over. The man seems utterly harmless, just a little “off”, but he will not respond to greetings. He will say hello to YOU, but if you say hello to him, he picks his dog up and backs away. The man, who is as I’ve said very large, always wears shorts and a turtleneck sweater, no matter what the weather.
We also have Bicycle Guy - I have no idea where he’s going, but he is always on his bicycle, always dressed in nice pants with one leg clipped (to keep it out of the chain, I assume), suspenders, a t-shirt and one of those floppy 1970’s hats with a brim and a big button on top. He looks a little like the comedian Gallagher, although I’ve nver seen him without his hat, so I don’t know if he’s bald on top or not. Wherever he’s going, he’s in a big hurry.
Once, my mother-in-law and I were in a local fast food restaurant, and my MIL got up to get some ketchup. She asked me if I wanted anything, and I said “Yeah, grab me a mustard packet since you’re up.” I was called on the carpet for this by a very old bag lady who happened to be sitting a couple tables away. “You shouldn’t talk like that! You should be ashamed of yourself! I am a doctor and I have never in my life heard anyone be so disrespectful!” She went on very loudly for several minutes, then stopped abruptly and came over to tell me she was just kidding. Then she left.
genie - if you live near Milwaukee, I think I know your Purple Lady.
The guy down the street from us wants to cable his house to the ground for when the polar ice caps melt to keep his house from floating away.
This same nutjob sued a neighbor ( about 300 yards away) because he did not like the placement of this guys propane tank. ( Which was in its standard place, next to the house.)
Crazy guy also sued us in that same lawsuit because he argued over the property lines that were OURS. He said that since he had been mowing the easement for twenty plus years ( which is on the access road to his house) he *owned * it. Both cases were thrown out of court.
Down another street there is the *Cult * house. They have a real estate sized sign of some vague biblical prophesy in front of their house. You know the kind, You’re going to hell unless you straighten up right now. They have either ten kids or there are two families living in that house or the guy is a polygamist. The mom and girls are always wearing skirts and kercheifs. There are an assortment of cars, bikes and crap in front of the house. The man is a consumate trash picker. He apparently likes to work on broken down stuff. He trash picked out old 33 year old Sears craftsman lawn mower ( it was just too old to keep putting money into) This man is now the proud owner of it …and there it sits before his garage… It’s the crappiest looking house out in this area.
When I lived in Nashville, we had a “Crazy Mary” in our neighborhood too. She was schitzophrenic, and was a source of entertainment for all except her teenage daughter, me. 