# Weird things I've seen my spouse do **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 26, 2005, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146 "2005-07-26T00:56:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/21 "2005-07-27T14:14:43Z")
Tablets go down best when doing the flip-back-head move, because they are heavier than the water. Capsules tend to float and will go down better if you tilt your head down and let them float to the back of your throat before swallowing. Now about DeHusband. He’s addicted to salt. He even salts fruit. I’ve even seen him salt beef jerky! ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/22 "2005-07-27T14:18:32Z")
I shampoo and condition my goatee and body hair too. It makes it nice and soft and good for cuddling. The weird thing that my wife did, and still does is spread mayo on her bagels instead of cream cheese. We ran out of cream cheese one day, and she figured that mayo was white and goes on bread too. She still does this now even if there is cream cheese in the fridge. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/23 "2005-07-27T14:41:49Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > They actually go down easier if you nod your head while you swallow. Hmmm? Oh, right pills, pills – not the banana in front of the family. Bad Daithi! Bad! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/24 "2005-07-27T14:53:51Z")
She uses the bathroom in the dark at night. She uses the bathroom with the door wide open. It’s pretty scary when I’m half-asleep at night and have to use it, and she’s just sitting there with the door open in the dark. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/25 "2005-07-27T14:57:52Z")
> [@GrizzRich](#): > > I observed my wife look at her watch several times in succession; all in a matter of a couple of seconds. > I immediately asked her what time it was and she had to check her watch again. > > She literally had forgotten what time it was between the series of checking it once-per-second-for-several-seconds and me immediately asking what time it was thereafter. I’m the same way. I’m so scattar-brained sometimes that I think yo myself, “Self, you need to know what time it is,” So I quickly glance at whatever time keeping device is nearby and go back to not lokoing at it. A few second later I usualyl realize that, although I did indeed look at the time keeping device, I did it so quick, or half-assed, that I didn’t actualyl _see_ what time it was, and I have to do it again. I _usually_ get it on trhe second try, though. I have no spouse, but I had a former GF who still sucked her thumb…she was 20. Another GF I had puts ice cubes in milk! :eek: Horror of horrors! Oh, and that same one cannot watch tv, listen to music, or so forth if the volume is an even number. If there is an actual number for it, and she see’s it’s even, she’ll sort of squeel until it was changed back to an odd. If it wasn’t changed, she would leave the room. If there was no number, but just some vertical bars as some TV/stereo models do, she would usually count them if there is enough time to. If one just turns the TV on and quickly put the volume at a level and the bars went away before she could count, she would assume it was odd. But lord help you if she found out they were even the whole time… ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/26 "2005-07-27T15:12:06Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Mrs. Blue Sky when she takes medicine: > > 1. Put pill in mouth > 2. Drink small amount of water > 3. Snap head back > 4. Swallow pill and water > > I asked her if she swallowed the pill when she snapped her head back. She said no. I asked her why she did it then. She had no answer. It throws the pill to the back of your throat, making it easier to swallow. ---
**Author:** ![Cyros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@Cyros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyros)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/27 "2005-07-27T15:12:27Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > My girlfriend takes a sip of water, _then_ drops the pill in and swallows. Drives me nuts. And she thinks _my_ method (pill, swig, swallow) is gross! 😛 I’ll cop to this. The thought of having a dry pill in my mouth for even a second makes me gag. I have to have water in there prior to the pill or it just isn’t going down. I also look at my watch and immediately forget what time it is. I frequently get up, go into another room, stand there and then ask my husband what he thinks I might have been doing. I’ll start to talk and trail off mid-setence with no idea what I was going to say. He’ll check the mail, and three times in the next hour, I’ll ask him if we had mail, forgetting I already asked. My memory was pretty lousy before, but I swear pregnancy has eaten holes in my brain. ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/28 "2005-07-27T15:56:12Z")
She married me. Can’t imagine _what_ she was thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/29 "2005-07-27T16:02:35Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Bonus points given if Grandma was present! Triple points if granny shows her that she’s better at it. My own grandma is, bless her, the queen-goddess of the inappropriate non sequitir. When I was about eleven everyone was at our house and for some reason my mom was doing everyone’s hair. Grandma loves to say anything that will get a rise out of people. She’s holding a hair dryer and says “who wants a blowjob?” I act like a witness at a mafia slaying, I didn’t hear a goddamn thing. I clench my jaw and tell myself to not utter a sound and pretend that I have no idea what is going on. My mom’s younger sister blurts out “MOM!” then sotto voce “do you know what that means?” She was apparently the only one in the house not in on the joke. Still I thank the blessed heart of Jesus that we didn’t get a demonstration. My wife doesn’t do anything too weird, well in public at least 😃 , aside from her peanut butter and miracle whip sandwiches. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/30 "2005-07-27T16:15:53Z")
Mr. brown, who is a little OCD, doesn’t think pots and pans should touch the sink. He says they will scrape the porcelain and ruin it. I ask him if he expects me to suspend pots and pans in midair in order to scrub them, and he seriously thinks that this is a viable option. I caught him one day holding our grill pan in the air to scrub it, and of course getting nowhere with it. I purchased one of those rubbery sink guards that drapes over the center divider so we can prop pots on that, but this bugs him too because it reminds him of old ladies’ sinks when he was growing up. He also doesn’t want my purse touching just about anything, lest it get dirty. Don’t let it touch the ground! Don’t put it on the floor! Don’t put it on the park bench! It’s like living with Adrian Monk. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/31 "2005-07-27T17:15:31Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > I have no spouse, but I had a former GF who still sucked her thumb…she was 20. Another GF I had puts ice cubes in milk! :eek: Horror of horrors! Oh, and that same one cannot watch tv, listen to music, or so forth if the volume is an even number. If there is an actual number for it, and she see’s it’s even, she’ll sort of squeel until it was changed back to an odd. If it wasn’t changed, she would leave the room. If there was no number, but just some vertical bars as some TV/stereo models do, she would usually count them if there is enough time to. If one just turns the TV on and quickly put the volume at a level and the bars went away before she could count, she would assume it was odd. But lord help you if she found out they were even the whole time… I’m apparently both of your girlfriends :eek: This is terrible, secret shame, but at 21 I still suck my finger (not thumb). My left index finger has a permanent callus from where my front teeth rest. I’ve been doing it since I was an infant, and my mother’s best efforts to get me to stop have come to nought. She tried bitter paint on my finger, a bandaid, smacking my hand when I did it, everything. And I do it All. The. Time. Watching TV, playing a computer game, browsing the internet, in bed, when I’m reading. It’s a compulsion, but only one that occurs when I’m touching something satiny (the cat’s fur, the satin ribbon around the edge of my blanket [which is another story all together]). But I can’t make myself stop it for any length of time, it will happen again as soon as I’m not looking. I also put ice cubes in milk to make it colder. And I don’t like it when the TV volume is at anything other than a multiple of five. My tv volume goes to 99, but it has to be set at 50, 55, 60… Anything else makes me uncomfortable and I have to change it. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/32 "2005-07-27T22:21:59Z")
Here’s how it went; Arrive at hotel in foreign country, open shower kit to discover horrible shampoo accident has ruined our toothbrushes. Send husband down to street, whilst I shower, to purchase a couple new ones. As I get out of shower he gets in, back from his errand, it was a long, long flight and I really can’t wait to brush my teeth. In the room I find his purchases on the bedside table. Two perfectly wonderful, brand spanking new, toothbrushes, still in the wrappers. Both blue :smack: So I shout into the shower, “Did they only have blue?” Answer: “No, but the blue was the nicest!” :smack: At the very first opportunity I purchased a differnt coloured toothbrush as there was no way I was travelling for months never sure I was using my own. 😃 And this was just the first incident that lept to mind, Lord help me. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/33 "2005-07-27T22:41:37Z")
Drachillix can remove his shoes and socks without touching his feet or even looking down. It’s an awesome sight, those clever hobbit-like furry toes stealthily worming their way out of the black leather Reeboks and thick white althletic socks. Most of the time he’s seated at his computer while doing this and the socks end up in a pile with the other socks deeply hidden under the desk where they cannot be reached to take a trip to the hamper for laundering. Then the man is forced to rummage on his hands and knees for the dozen or so pairs so he doesn’t have to go to work with hairy naked ankles, because if they aren’t in the hamper, they don’t get washed. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/34 "2005-07-27T22:50:22Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Two perfectly wonderful, brand spanking new, toothbrushes, still in the wrappers. > > Both blue :smack: > > So I shout into the shower, “Did they only have blue?” > > Answer: > > “No, but the blue was the nicest!” :smack: > > At the very first opportunity I purchased a differnt coloured toothbrush as there was no way I was travelling for months never sure I was using my own. > 😃 > > And this was just the first incident that lept to mind, Lord help me. Okay, so is the wierd one your husband for buying identical toothbrushes, or yourself for not wanting to share a toothbrush with the man you are (presumably) having sex with? ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/35 "2005-07-27T22:57:56Z")
> [@teela brown](#): > > It’s like living with Adrian Monk. I share my life with a mini-Monk, too. In the summertime, we drink a lot of ice water. My hubby won’t drink a refill from the same glass without rinsing it first. Hey, this is **water**. How dirty can that glass be??? ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/36 "2005-07-27T23:01:23Z")
> [@Rooves](#): > > er…suck a banana porno style with my whole family over. :eek: Motto of the story: Never serve sausages, especially kielbasa ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/37 "2005-07-27T23:03:01Z")
> [@Cyn](#): > > Drachillix can remove his shoes and socks without touching his feet or even looking down. It’s an awesome sight, those clever hobbit-like furry toes stealthily worming their way out of the black leather Reeboks and thick white althletic socks. Most of the time he’s seated at his computer while doing this and the socks end up in a pile with the other socks deeply hidden under the desk where they cannot be reached to take a trip to the hamper for laundering. Then the man is forced to rummage on his hands and knees for the dozen or so pairs so he doesn’t have to go to work with hairy naked ankles, because if they aren’t in the hamper, they don’t get washed. That ability is weird? _looks around worriedly_ No, I have, uh, a friend like that. _flees_ ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/38 "2005-07-27T23:03:41Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#): > > I share my life with a mini-Monk, too. In the summertime, we drink a lot of ice water. My hubby won’t drink a refill from the same glass without rinsing it first. Hey, this is **water**. How dirty can that glass be??? What does he rinse it with? ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/39 "2005-07-27T23:05:45Z")
Grod, I’m feeling weirder by the minute. That’s how I take my socks and shoes off if I’m sitting on the couch. Or that’s how I take my shoes off when I walk in through the door, and the socks come off later in the same fashion. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146/40 "2005-07-27T23:07:18Z")
> [@Alias](#): > > If he’s going to wear a shirt that requires tucking in, Harborwolf will put on his pants, zip, button and belt them, then put the shirt on. THEN, he’ll unbuckle his belt, unbutton and unzip his pants to tuck the shirt in, then refasten it all. 😕 Yeah I do that. **Sierra Indigo** , you’re frightening me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-things-ive-seen-my-spouse-do/314146.md?page=3)