# Weird Ways to Lose Weight **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 17, 2006, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045 "2006-04-17T19:17:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![No\_longer\_shall\_I\_lurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9e8a1a/32.png) [@No\_longer\_shall\_I\_lurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_longer_shall_I_lurk)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/1 "2006-04-17T19:17:14Z")
Obviously this isn’t looking for medical advice… What are lazy ways to lose weight for someone who has only this as an aim. Obvious thoughts: eating a couple of tapeworms, becoming addicted to an opioid, eating far too many laxatives. The main criteria should be that the method requries almost no self discipline. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/2 "2006-04-17T19:23:40Z")
Lose yourself on a desert island with plenty of freshwater. ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/3 "2006-04-17T19:23:48Z")
Getting braces as an adult worked for me. When your mouth _ **hurts** _, you don’t want to even _think_ about food. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/4 "2006-04-17T19:28:41Z")
You could arrange to develop lymphocytic colitis. That’s a lot of fun. It results in getting diarrhea several times a day. After a while you don’t want to eat, either, since you know that’ll land you on The Pot for a spell. The downside is you lose a lot of nutrients, too. And of course if you eventually get over it the weight will bounce upwards like a super ball and you will weigh even more than before you got sick. ---
**Author:** ![rpinrd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@rpinrd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rpinrd)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/5 "2006-04-17T19:29:54Z")
Break your jaw. ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/6 "2006-04-17T19:33:38Z")
Cut off a body part. Just kidding. But actually, no worse an idea than the preceding suggestions. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/7 "2006-04-17T19:36:16Z")
Find a doctor with no ethics and have lipo several times a year. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/8 "2006-04-17T19:37:15Z")
Have someone else lock you in a room with only a sink and a toilet. Don’t let them unlock the door for a week or two weeks or a month, depending on how much you want to lose. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/9 "2006-04-17T19:45:10Z")
Radiation poisoning. Might also have the side benefits of giving you super powers. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/10 "2006-04-17T19:45:27Z")
Get an infected wisdom tooth. ---
**Author:** ![ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chockfullofheadygoodness/32/511_2.png) [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/11 "2006-04-17T19:46:17Z")
Contract giardia. A friend of mine did it on a backpacking trip. It took 4 months to knock the bug out for good. In that time he dropped 40 pounds. He also produced the foulest farts I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/12 "2006-04-17T19:51:33Z")
Catch malaria. I lost over 20 pounds in two weeks. My mother was completely panicked, and I thought I was going to die for a while. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/13 "2006-04-17T19:54:42Z")
Quit eating alltogether. Seriously, develop a lazy streak so wide, actually aquiring food becomes too much damn work. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/14 "2006-04-17T19:59:22Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Quit eating alltogether. > > Seriously, develop a lazy streak so wide, actually aquiring food becomes too much damn work. Which isn’t too much of a stretch. I’m mean, you’re all the way over here, and food’ all the way over there… ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/15 "2006-04-17T20:19:19Z")
I wanted to start a thread sort of like this. I thought of some: 1. Get a really short haircut. 2. Shave all the hair off your body. 3. Donate a kidney (or both!) 4. Wear only lightweight cotton clothes even in the winter. 5. Floss 6. Have someone vomit on the side of your plate at every meal. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/16 "2006-04-17T20:33:40Z")
Live on a diet of nothing but Splenda and Olestra. Mmmm, frosting … ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/17 "2006-04-17T20:38:45Z")
Get exercise by having sex. For men: Withdraw 2 seconds after ejaculation – 4 calories Withdraw 2 seconds prior to ejaculation – 189384 calories ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/18 "2006-04-17T20:43:23Z")
Go to a low-gravity environment like the Moon. (You didn’t say you wanted to lose _mass_…) ---
**Author:** ![No\_longer\_shall\_I\_lurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9e8a1a/32.png) [@No\_longer\_shall\_I\_lurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_longer_shall_I_lurk)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/19 "2006-04-17T21:02:59Z")
> [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](#): > > Contract giardia. A friend of mine did it on a backpacking trip. It took 4 months to knock the bug out for good. In that time he dropped 40 pounds. He also produced the foulest farts I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter. Then I have to go back packing… nah… But… > [@MLS](#): > > You could arrange to develop lymphocytic colitis. I’m up for that. Do they sell it mail order, or do I have to make it myself? ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045/20 "2006-04-17T22:34:21Z")
> [@](#): > > But… > > > [@](#): > > > > Quote: > > Originally Posted by MLS > > You could arrange to develop lymphocytic colitis. > > I’m up for that. Do they sell it mail order, or do I have to make it myself? Unfortunately, according to the gastro doctor I saw, nobody really knows where it comes from. It just is. They don’t really know how to stop it, either, except for large doses of Pepto Bismol for a couple of months often (but not always) works. If all else fails, Immodium provides temporary relief. It’s not likely to get any significant research funds real soon, either, since it’s comparatively rare, and treatable with OTC products. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weird-ways-to-lose-weight/353045.md?page=2)