# Weirdo resumes. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 17, 2007, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105 "2007-10-17T22:57:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AngryIrishLass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bbce88/32.png) [@AngryIrishLass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngryIrishLass)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/21 "2007-10-18T04:05:50Z")
[QUOTE=Larry Mudd] See, my intent was to wait for someone to run into pronoun trouble, and then reveal “Against all the laws of God and Nature, this resume was submitted by a _she!_” [/QUOTE] :smack: I should have gone with my first instinct!..and stuff. [QUOTE=HazelNutCoffee] Dude, managing a Ragnarok server? Designing custom quests? That takes some serious dedication. [/QUOTE] And a lot of Mountain Dew. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/22 "2007-10-18T04:06:17Z")
You know, just that ad alone would make me want to work for you, 'cos I dig that sense of humour and I have great attention to detail. And stuff. And filing! Great Og, man, _filing!_ I totally dig filing! Well, I mean, I rather like it. Sort of. On occasion, anyway. Once or twice a year, if it really needs to be done. Come to think of it, I really don’t much care for filing, actually. Hate it, as a matter of fact. Filing killed my grandfather. Nastiest paper cut I’ve ever seen. He should have bought Hilroy folders like I told him to. I have an inexplicable craving for a meticulously assembled burger, now. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/23 "2007-10-18T04:46:27Z")
Recently I looked over an application, in the general things category she put “Was a vegan for a year, interested in Veganism, Vegetarianism, Altertantive Medicine, Alternative Birthing” (maybe a few more similar things). For Position wanted (and the position we were hiring for) “Cashier” Well those things are all well and good, but I’m not sure they really apply here. ---
**Author:** ![brendon\_small](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brendon_small/32/17101_2.png) [@brendon\_small](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brendon_small)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/24 "2007-10-18T04:53:00Z")
I won’t lie. I’d try to get the job. Repetitive tasks like filing or stocking stuff in a stockroom are nice. They allow me to go on autopilot at work and just kind of have a good time. I like challenges, but at some jobs I’ve been to it seems every single day is “we have to get this done or we fail as a business” day and I don’t know how vital mopping the floor is to a business plan (unless you work at Mop-co, Og bless them). Also, I have to agree with **Mindfield** , the sense of humor is wonderful. Please move the job to Ohio. Brendon Small ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/25 "2007-10-18T05:19:43Z")
[QUOTE=Joey P] Recently I looked over an application, in the general things category she put “Was a vegan for a year, interested in Veganism, Vegetarianism, Altertantive Medicine, Alternative Birthing”… [/QUOTE] What´s that?, like giving birth to a baby out your belly button or something? ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/26 "2007-10-18T06:08:42Z")
[QUOTE=MaddyStrut] I once received a resume that was all in the third person. It was full of sentences like “Beth has demonstrated her leadership abilities by chairing XYZ project and…” That one still confuses me. Is there some industry where this is common? [/QUOTE] Yuppers. Though we didn’t use first names, we would use “Ms. Shoes has 15 years in the XYZ industry”. It was very common when we modified our personal resume for use in an SOQ. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/27 "2007-10-18T06:11:55Z")
The strangest, and saddest resume I got (It sure didn’t look like a joke, but then I can be naive). It was written in longhand and was about three pages. It was from a guy in an economically disadvantaged country. He told how he worked in a shoe factory and had to ride his bike to get there and how he was supporting his entire family (mom, dad sisters) on his income. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/28 "2007-10-18T06:23:11Z")
I met an American guy over here in Tokyo once. He had just recently graduated with an MBA and was looking for a job. He had made up an name card and on the back showed his qualifications. MBA, (Name of school) Some job I don’t remember Mechanic, Excellence with trunks Marine Extraordinaire (master of small arms) It was a WTF moment for me. ---
**Author:** ![brendon\_small](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brendon_small/32/17101_2.png) [@brendon\_small](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brendon_small)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/29 "2007-10-18T06:29:20Z")
[QUOTE=Joey P] Recently I looked over an application, in the general things category she put “Was a vegan for a year, interested in Veganism, Vegetarianism, Altertantive Medicine, Alternative Birthing” (maybe a few more similar things). For Position wanted (and the position we were hiring for) “Cashier” Well those things are all well and good, but I’m not sure they really apply here. [/QUOTE] Actually, the job I currently have I got by submitting my resume. A while later, when they called me back in for the interview, they asked for me to fill out the application for paperwork reasons. This was after I was pretty much told I had the job, so I had fun with it. Nothing too bad, but under the “Interests” section I put something to the effect of “17th century British Literature, Henry James, and Puppies.” and just kind of enjoyed filling it out. All three of those things are vital in this all important job of night desk worker. Maybe she was pre-emptively joking? (okay, probably not, but I’m trying…) Brendon Small ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/30 "2007-10-18T06:36:25Z")
When I was in grad school, I had a part time job at a temp agency. Part of my job was to go through hundreds of resumes and compile a best of collection. We didn’t just place college kids for part time work, but also placed professionals in temp to permanent positions. I remember one of the professional resumes had obviously been created in some resume builder software. I knew this because the applicant had left in fields such as “List Second College or University Here,” and “Second Address Line, if needed.” I literally reviewed thousands of resumes for that job and that one still sticks with me. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/31 "2007-10-18T08:03:12Z")
[QUOTE=gotpasswords] Doesn’t sound all that weird, but it guarantees that 98% of your applicants will have no concept of the standard arrangement of the alphabet. I feel sorry for the OP and his company… I’ve seen temps do wacky things like dump everything they didn’t get to under N for “Not Done” or T for “Tomorrow, I’ll get to it” - kooky stuff like that. My all-time favorite was the 25-ish guy who had no concept of even numbers. He was completely flummoxed that a check number could end in 0, 2, 4, 6 or 8, and couldn’t locate them in a file to save his job. No idea how he got into the building at 310 That Street and navigated the elevator to the 12th floor. [/QUOTE] I had a job as a file clerk for a while. I was very good at it. So good, in fact, that I had to get more file cabinets. While rearranging to make room for the new drawers, we moved the old ones around, only to find _hundreds_ of documents dropped between the walls and the file drawers. Most were letter “M” and above. I guess my predecessor felt A-L was enough for anyone. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/32 "2007-10-18T08:17:39Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] Filing killed my grandfather. [/QUOTE] Are you my coworker? He says “X killed my grandfather” a lot. ---
**Author:** ![rucciface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ba9def/32.png) [@rucciface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rucciface)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/33 "2007-10-18T15:14:03Z")
In the restaurant business, we don’t see many resumes, but I’ve got a folder full of weirdo applications. Here’s one from a lady who answered “Have you ever been convicted of a felony? If yes, explain:” with “Yes. Tried to set my baby daddy on fire. Will explain in interview.” Here’s one from a guy who writes that he left two of his last three jobs because “Managers are idiots”. Once I ran a want ad in search of a delivery driver. The newspaper misprinted it…"Now hiring _divers._ " A kid came in to fill out an application, carrying goggles and a snorkle. 🙂 He was hired on the spot. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/34 "2007-10-18T15:28:06Z")
I once had a guy come in for a job, and under “Previous experience” he wrote: Gat Hz That was it. Apparently “Gat Hz” mean “I was a security guard at Gateway”. He also wore an Elvis tie, and stank. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/35 "2007-10-18T15:39:38Z")
[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer] I met an American guy over here in Tokyo once. He had just recently graduated with an MBA and was looking for a job. He had made up an name card and on the back showed his qualifications. MBA, (Name of school) Some job I don’t remember Mechanic, Excellence with trunks Marine Extraordinaire (master of small arms) It was a WTF moment for me. [/QUOTE] Did it literally say, “Some job I don’t remember?” That would have made me laugh out loud. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/36 "2007-10-18T15:44:58Z")
I worked with a filing clerk that had the alphabet written out on on a slip of paper. I asked her about it. “My cheat sheet.” she explained. That was very sad to me. ---
**Author:** ![lobstermobster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobstermobster/32/10033_2.png) [@lobstermobster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobstermobster)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/37 "2007-10-18T16:07:33Z")
I have “unbeatable parallel parking skills” on my resume. I put it as a joke and then decided to just leave it. Got my current job with that resume. Its completely true. I could parallel park a minivan into a glass of water. Can’t drive for shit though. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/38 "2007-10-18T16:19:26Z")
[QUOTE=lobstermobster] I have “unbeatable parallel parking skills” on my resume. I put it as a joke and then decided to just leave it. Got my current job with that resume. Its completely true. I could parallel park a minivan into a glass of water. Can’t drive for shit though. [/QUOTE] Missed opportunity there. You should have it as “Unparalleled parallel parking skills”. OK, I got nothin’. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/39 "2007-10-18T16:26:55Z")
At my last job, the supervisor asked me and a coworker to look over a stack of resumes for a position that opened in our department. One of them had on top of her resume completely unnecessary info. Something like “I’m currently living in my parents’ house which is 75 miles away, but I can arrange to stay in a hotel if I’ve got the money unless my sister and brother-in-law let me stay at their place. If that doesn’t happen, I’ll have to commute from my parents’ house and I might be late because of the long drive.” I moved it to the bottom. ---
**Author:** ![Smashed\_Ice\_Cream](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Smashed\_Ice\_Cream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smashed_Ice_Cream)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105/40 "2007-10-18T16:36:42Z")
I used to manage a medium sized club, during a bad period of finding work for young people. Any part-time waitress or bartender job would result in at least 100 applicants. My favorite - or at least most memorable, actually, was from a girl who spent hours turning her resume into a craft project. Her name was written in glitter-glue, as was the border on the paper. She used birthday-party invitation laserjet paper with balloons and streamers background. Everything was written with an exclamation point at the end. She mailed it, folded in thirds in a standard business envelope, and stuffed card confetti inside to fall on the floor when I opened it. (The kind you’d use on New Years - martini glasses and stars and whatnot…) Her resume was heavily dotted with references to the fact that she’s worked as a stripper, and included a list of “Happy Customer References” with a few notes after names saying (Don’t call at home, use cell, or I can have call you) after. I wish I would have saved it. It was a true work of art. I did interview her. I absolutely needed to meet this person. Honestly, I probably would have hired her, as she was funny and very pleasant, however, she was also stoned out of her gourd and mentioned this fact several times in her meeting. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/weirdo-resumes/423105.md?page=3)