# Welcome the newbies! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 18, 2003, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794 "2003-06-18T21:55:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/41 "2003-06-19T13:20:54Z")
My husband likes newbies. He married one. Okay, by the time we were married I wasn’t a newb. BUT, I’d only been actively posting for a few months when we met. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/42 "2003-06-19T13:26:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zoe \* > \*\*Welcome, newbies! Did you bring me anything to eat? \*\* Um…pie? ---
**Author:** ![EMW2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@EMW2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EMW2)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/43 "2003-06-19T13:27:14Z")
Thanks for the welcome. I love the board but I fear my boss might notice the sudden slack in performance. This place is addicting. Multitasking is an art as well as a skill. ---
**Author:** ![Tyler\_Do\_Urden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Tyler\_Do\_Urden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tyler_Do_Urden)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/44 "2003-06-19T14:02:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jenaroph \* > \*\*Um…pie? \*\* Darn you **Jenaroph**!! Darn you to H-E double hockey sticks!!! (I try to save all my expetives for the Pit). You took my joke! I was gonna be the clever newbie, wise beyond my post count but nooooo, you had to ruin everything! 😉 Wanna be my nemesis? ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/45 "2003-06-19T14:10:35Z")
Rotten, stinking newbies. I’d poke you with my newbie pokin’ stick, but **welby** stole it. Probably to use on his parakete. Rotten, stinking **welby**. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Weevil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/53a042/32.png) [@Evil\_Weevil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Weevil)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/46 "2003-06-19T14:44:36Z")
\ I came across a thread here about someone that got trapped in a bathroom with a black widow spider. I sent my friend (a history teacher) the link ([Spider Pants Thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=174503)). When she read it, her class was watching a film on the Holocaust and witnessed her bust out laughing and spraying her computer with water. Thank you SDMB for making my life complete (or at least entertaining). \ ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/47 "2003-06-19T15:15:36Z")
Welcome all newbies! Pay no attention to **Exgineer** ; he’s a sorry grump who refuses to flirt with me. **Quantum Butterfly** I recently noticed your cool name! Glad to have you all! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizzygoodmakefeelnice)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/48 "2003-06-19T16:11:30Z")
I brought corn. Nice yellow corn. ---
**Author:** ![Special\_Agent\_Jazz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@Special\_Agent\_Jazz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Special_Agent_Jazz)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/49 "2003-06-19T16:17:15Z")
I brought whipped cream. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/50 "2003-06-19T17:06:35Z")
Don’t listen to **Ellen**. She doesn’t know my pain. Newbies are disgusting. I don’t have any use for lurkers, either, because they’re obviously a pack of stupid losers. It’s ridiculous for you people to expect me to take anything you post seriously, what with your pathetically tiny post-counts of, like, 4 or something. So don’t even try. Don’t even think about posting something light-hearted and fun in MPSIMS, or answer a question in GQ, or discuss comic books in CS, or, God forbid, actually start a thread somewhere. Just stop posting and go away. ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/51 "2003-06-19T17:19:06Z")
Welcome, all you wonderful newbies! Thrilled to meetcha! Also, I wanted to offer you all Imaginary Welcome Cookies. They’re chocoate and raisin and coconut and stuff. Not all in the same cookie, though. There are many varieties. That’s what I was getting at. Sorry if it was unclear. Hope you all enjoy it here! Love, Kn\*ckers ---
**Author:** ![Sqwerticus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecc23a/32.png) [@Sqwerticus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sqwerticus)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/52 "2003-06-19T17:43:58Z")
Waves a disgusting-newbie-long-time-lurker-ridiculously-low-post-count-one-fingered-saluting hand at **Exgineer**. We are like cats that know who it is that hates us, and head straight for them. 😃 Oh, and hello everybody. I brought beer. ---
**Author:** ![Quantum\_Butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e79b87/32.png) [@Quantum\_Butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quantum_Butterfly)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/53 "2003-06-19T19:21:01Z")
Just for that, **Exgineer** , you don’t get any of the Chocolate Ecstasy I brought, otherwise known as pecan fudge. I even posted the recipe on the Ultimate Recipe Thread Vol. II! Now, how do I link to a thread…? ::dangles piece of fudge:: Mm-mm! Rich creamy chocolate, with the aroma of toasted pecans mingling with the incredible flavor of Ghirardelli on your tongue… too bad newbie-teasers don’t get any! ::proceeds to eat fudge slowly and luxuriously, passing the plate to any fellow newbies and/or friendly Dopesters who want some:: ---
**Author:** ![Quantum\_Butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e79b87/32.png) [@Quantum\_Butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quantum_Butterfly)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/54 "2003-06-19T19:22:38Z")
Dang smileys… I have GOT to remember that in future… ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/55 "2003-06-20T00:39:14Z")
You know what’s going to happen next, don’t you? Some filthy newbie-lover is going to bump this thread off the second page, and start posting crap like, “I love newbies, I think newbies are wonderful. Oh, and I just love the lurkers to itsy-witsy widdle pieces too.” That’s what’s going to happen. Rotten post-count traitors. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/56 "2003-06-20T02:27:09Z")
Then, some other jerk will come in when the first bump didn’t work, because the board was all congested and stuff, and bump it again. Maybe the same jerk, who knows. I hate, hate, hate, the newbies. Like I said, I hate 'em. Crap. I’ve lost all my credibility in this thread. Dang you, newbies! ---
**Author:** ![Thunderclap\_Monolith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@Thunderclap\_Monolith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thunderclap_Monolith)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/57 "2003-06-20T03:10:11Z")
Hi, everyone! I’m a newbie. I’ve lurked around for a few years actually, and finally decided to register because of all the down time at my workplace during the summer. I’m sure that’s endlessly fascinating to all of you. I am ready to share my self-depricating wit, panache, intriguing theories, wild hypotheses, uncalled-for advice, stimulating ideas, ignorance-fighting tricks, intense mental fortitude, and endless strands of useless trivia. I also am ready to share in all the wonders and faults of my brothers and sisters here at the SDMB. So, I implore you…please love me!!!😃 ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/58 "2003-06-20T11:49:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Exgineer \* > \*\*You know what’s going to happen next, don’t you? > > Some filthy newbie-lover is going to bump this thread off the second page, and start posting crap like, “I love newbies, I think newbies are wonderful. Oh, and I just love the lurkers to itsy-witsy widdle pieces too.” > > That’s what’s going to happen. > > Rotten post-count traitors. \*\* “I love newbies, I think newbies are wonderful. Oh, and I just love the lurkers to itsy-witsy widdle pieces too.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/59 "2003-06-20T12:10:19Z")
I’m new! Shall I regale you now with a very special performance of “Brass in Pocket”? I’m special, so special… I got to have some of your attention Give it to me! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/60 "2003-06-20T13:06:10Z")
**Dung Beetle** – you may be my friend. Having Chrissie Hynde’s purr in my head can only improve my otherwise dreadful morning. Thanks! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794.md?page=4)