# Welcome the newbies! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 18, 2003, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794 "2003-06-18T21:55:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/61 "2003-06-20T13:07:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by welby \* > \*\*"… Oh, and I just love the lurkers to itsy-witsy widdle pieces too." > 😃 \*\* What, with an axe? Is this a game we can all play? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/62 "2003-06-20T13:21:29Z")
Hello again, **Thunderclap Monolith**! Here, have some of Butterfly’s fudge. It’s good! Don’t let Ex have any though. Althought it just might sweeten him up. \ ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/63 "2003-06-20T13:44:51Z")
Thanks **twickster**! I sound just like her, don’t I? ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/64 "2003-06-20T19:26:22Z")
I don’t know when you’re not a newbie… I’ve been reading these boards for \>2 months now… I didn’t create a name for quite a while… just read gq… never responded to anything… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/65 "2003-06-20T20:05:23Z")
I decided I wasn’t a newbie when I started a self-pity thread and a bunch of my pals stopped by and said, “there, there, **twicks**.” ---
**Author:** ![Padmaraga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@Padmaraga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padmaraga)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/66 "2003-06-20T20:05:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Exgineer \* > \*\*Don’t listen to **Ellen**. She doesn’t know my pain. > > Newbies are disgusting. I don’t have any use for lurkers, either, because they’re obviously a pack of stupid losers. > > It’s ridiculous for you people to expect me to take anything you post seriously, what with your pathetically tiny post-counts of, like, 4 or something. So don’t even try. Don’t even think about posting something light-hearted and fun in MPSIMS, or answer a question in GQ, or discuss comic books in CS, or, God forbid, actually start a thread somewhere. > > Just stop posting and go away. \*\* Oh, just leave me alone, Mom! ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/67 "2003-06-20T20:13:29Z")
**Thunderclap Monolith** where in arkansas? ---
**Author:** ![Thunderclap\_Monolith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@Thunderclap\_Monolith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thunderclap_Monolith)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/68 "2003-06-20T22:11:13Z")
> [@](#): > > **originally posted by chaoticdonkey** > Thunderclap Monolith > > where in arkansas? Northwest part…in the area of the UA, **chaoticdonkey**. We’ve been here for a few years, but now it looks like I’ll be taking a job in Florida pretty soon. Are you familiar with the area? ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/69 "2003-06-21T00:52:03Z")
Okay, you people just can’t seem to get the point when I speak in plain English. Therefore, I am forced to bust out the Bad Poetry to teach you all a lesson. I Hate Newbies by Exgineer Hate the newbies Hate the newbies Waste of flesh children Think they’re l33t HaXXorz! Where are their parents? 35-year-old geeks Living in their mothers’ basement Stroking their comic books Old people Just got their first computer Or maybe WebTV Not as good as me Never will be Shouldn’t even try Defended by **welby** Who walled up his parakeet Because he’s an idiot **Ellen** should go away She doesn’t know my pain She supports the newbies Evil Hate, hate, hate The newbies There. That should put you in your respective places. Go away newbies, and you lurkers too. Elitists like me don’t want you here. Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/70 "2003-06-21T04:43:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Exgineer \* > **Okay, you people just can’t seem to get the point when I speak in plain English. Therefore, I am forced to bust out the Bad Poetry to teach you all a lesson…** Wurd up, dawg! ---
**Author:** ![Quantum\_Butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e79b87/32.png) [@Quantum\_Butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quantum_Butterfly)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/71 "2003-06-21T05:46:22Z")
::snort:: That ain’t poetry! It doesn’t rhyme _or_ scan. And don’t give me any crap about free form, either. REAL poetry rhymes! And scans. [end rant] Hey, when did I hit 100 posts? Dang… I was going to start a party thread for my hundredth post, and I missed it! Oh well, guess I’ll have to wait for 200 now. ::savors another piece of fudge:: ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/72 "2003-06-21T07:00:11Z")
Just a word of note for the newbies…watch out for the person who calls herself **Flamsterette** OK? She’s actually a Venezualan Mafia member, and she likes to collect _information_ about us, especially our birthdates. She adds this to the dossier of other stuff we submit to the board, and then… …well, suffice to say, your birthday will never be private again. 😃 😃 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2003, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/73 "2003-06-21T21:15:26Z")
**kambuckta** , that is SO wrong! 😉 If you want to keep your birthday private… well, don’t post it on the board… that’s all I can say. MUHAHAHAHAHA… F\_X ---
**Author:** ![Nycteris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8c91f0/32.png) [@Nycteris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nycteris)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2003, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/74 "2003-06-22T03:36:27Z")
so here i am thinkin i may want to post on the newbie thread and then i read some nice vogon poetry about hating newbies and wonder to myself - self - do you need the grief of being 'abused by the birthday mafia 😃 or should ya just take a wild leap and see where ya land. `sigh … shudder… JUMP ~_~_~\* hullo. i’m a newbie who’s been getting sd in my inbox for about a year. i’m a daydreamer and a ponderer of everyday miracles. i’m probably old enough to be your elderly auntie but have managed to keep a childish spirit by exercising my sense of wonder. i look forward to becoming a member of this marvelous & curious gathering. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/75 "2003-06-23T11:14:44Z")
Y’know, **Exgineer** , you could easily find yourself in a situation where, if you want to post on this board, you’d need to find a new identity (in violation of the rules) and start over as a perceived newbie… Everyone was new at one time. Except **TUBADIVA**. Even I was new at one time, just before Lincoln was shot. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/76 "2003-06-23T11:49:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by C K Dexter Haven \* > \*\*Y’know, **Exgineer** , you could easily find yourself in a situation where, if you want to post on this board, you’d need to find a new identity (in violation of the rules) and start over as a perceived newbie… > > Everyone was new at one time. Except **TUBADIVA**. Even I was new at one time, just before Lincoln was shot. \*\* Ooooooh! **Ex** got in TROUBLE! **Ex** got in TROUBLE! Neener neener neeeeeeeeeeeeener! That’ll teach ya, you grumpy ass whiner. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794/77 "2003-06-23T11:57:36Z")
I suppose I could make some kind of snide comment to **Dex** like “how do you know I haven’t already?” and send him off on a fruitless search for non-existent sock puppets, but that’s probably against the rules too, so I won’t. So I’ll just say, “ain’t it _just like_ a snooty Admin to jump in and defend the newbies” and leave it at that. “Vogon poetry,” **Nycteris**? I’m flattered. You may be an exception, because I think I like you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-the-newbies/182794.md?page=3)