# Welcome to America...you bastards
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [June 29, 2001, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634 "2001-06-29T17:39:22Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Kayeby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kayeby)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/41 "2001-06-30T03:37:30Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Lyllyan \*
> **I’m going to stop now or I will blow up my computer**
What a sad life you must lead. I honestly can’t fathom being filled with so much vitriol for people who have never done anything to me.
So you might have to see a couple of street signs written in languages other than English. So you might have to converse with somebody whom you can’t completely understand. Is it really _that_ tedious?
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### Author:  [@Trucido](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trucido)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/42 "2001-06-30T04:21:03Z")
I can see a very simple solution to this problem. As an American, I know my nation and culture to be vastly superior to that of the benighted, mud-spattered, goat-rearing masses that teem in the vaguely defined region outside my immediate experience. All you backwards foreigners, the world over, should cease using your native gibberish and speak in the only language that God ever intended to grace the tongue of a human being: American English. Trust me, it will be much easier for you to take my order if you can understand ‘Big Mac’ and ‘Tall Latte.’ Don’t like it? Tough, because, to paraphrase George Carlin, we Americans love nothing more than bombing us up some brown people. Anyone who disagrees with me is a goddamned godless communist. Line up in front of the ditch for rapid re-education, you bleeding-heart bastards.
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### Author:  [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/43 "2001-06-30T05:22:37Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Trucido \*
> \*\*Line up in front of the ditch for rapid re-education, you bleeding-heart bastards. \*\*
That’s twice in one day I’ve baptised my monitor with coffee. Prick. 😉
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### Author:  [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/44 "2001-06-30T05:26:24Z")
Well, this thread gets my vote for:
“Longest unbroken paragraphs with a bunch of run on sentences from hell” divided amongst many posters.
It hurt my eyes to read it.
That being said, I somewhat agree with the OP.
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### Author:  [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/45 "2001-06-30T05:34:44Z")
And also I didn’t mean that last post to come off as smug, self serving crap, so appologies in advance 🙂
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### Author:  [@ISBop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISBop)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/46 "2001-06-30T05:38:47Z")
Hey Klaatu! That name is from SWCCG! Do you play? I play! Haha!
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/47 "2001-06-30T05:46:28Z")
Turbo-geek warning:
Actually, Klaatu is from the classic '50s science fiction movie _The Day the Earth Stood Still_. Klaatu Barada Nicto was the phrase which deactivated the killer robot. It has since shown in Star Wars, Army of Darkness, and a couple threads on this board that I’m far too lazy to search for right now.
Turbo-geek warning is over. You may exit the shelters now.
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### Author:  [@ISBop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISBop)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/48 "2001-06-30T05:58:42Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Miller \*
> \*\*Turbo-geek warning:
>
> Actually, Klaatu is from the classic '50s science fiction movie _The Day the Earth Stood Still_. Klaatu Barada Nicto was the phrase which deactivated the killer robot. It has since shown in Star Wars, Army of Darkness, and a couple threads on this board that I’m far too lazy to search for right now.
>
> Turbo-geek warning is over. You may exit the shelters now. \*\*
Oh. Well, um… yeah. So I was wrong about the origin.
But still, Klaatu, do you play? If you read this, e-mail [ISBop@nc.rr.com](mailto:ISBop@nc.rr.com)
Thanks.
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### Author:  [@blainer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blainer)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/49 "2001-06-30T07:30:59Z")
Yeah, and you last three posters get the nomination for most inappropriate hijack in a super-serious thread.
Some of us are trying to save the good ol’ US of A from evil foreign language inconveniencing foreingers while some of us are trying to shoot those conservative shitholes some common sense.
Please correct my spelling in your head. It is 3:30 in the morning.
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### Author:  [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/50 "2001-06-30T07:44:32Z")
My previous employer sent everyone through a Diversity Training class, that had a somewhat more trendy name. The instructors were a bit out of their element, as HR had thoughtfully scheduled these particular sessions during nightshift out of the belated realization that not everyone at the company worked 9-5 Monday through Friday. (It took them about five years to realize that, I think, which is pretty damn quick thinking for HR types, and I mean that seriously.) And it’s been my experience thus far that anyone who doesn’t rapidly burn out on nights tends to be either somewhat crazy, or essentially an anarchist at heart, and that may be redundant.
It was several overly long hours into the whole affair, and they were trying gamely to lead a discussion about stereotypes.
“And sometimes people think that when someone from a foreign country is speaking their native language, they’re doing it to keep others from knowing what they’re saying. But that’s just not true…” Instructor Fellow was saying with political earnestness.
“Actually, it’s very true,” piped up one of my cow orkers brightly. He happened to be from Vietnam originally as a boy with his family a couple years after the war ended. Had a lot of interesting stories. Good person. “We do it all the time.” IF’s political smile slipped a couple notches and he appeared to reel inwardly. A wave of truly multicultural snickering went through the class. Somewhere, an angel gained its wings.
Anyway, it doesn’t make much nevermind to me what language people talk in if it doesn’t inconvenience me any. If someone refusing to really learn the native tongue is an insult to mah country, I’m pretty sure the country can take it. A smaller, sissier country like France might be terribly insulted and start to cry, but mine is a big strapping country with lots of nuclear weapons, by God, and if those ferners get too uppity with their funnytalk they’ll larn right quick that ferner-babble always loses to H-bombs. Dagnabbit.
Carry on.
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### Author:  [@Road\_Rash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Road_Rash)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/51 "2001-06-30T08:04:29Z")
Damn straight. And all you foreigners from spanish speaking countries, learn American spanish slang. You idiots have no idea what “vato”, “wedo”, or “burrito” means? Go play with your huevos with the other hotos at the washateria.
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### Author:  [@ACLU\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ACLU_Boy)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/52 "2001-06-30T08:16:46Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by manhattan \*
> \*\*What the hell are you guys doing out there in flyover country that stuff like this happens? \*\*
Aw, shucks! Don’t worry about us goat-fucking, shit-for-brains _fly overs_, **Manhatten**. Tanks to de Cons-tee-too-tional seperation of the Federal and State powers we couldn’t possibly have any effect on you!
What’s dat? Whatchoo mean da State/Federal boundry don’t mean nuthin’? Ob-vee-us-lee you is talking nonsense boy! Who would be stupid enough to do away wit’ dat?
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### Author:  [@Pammipoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pammipoo)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/53 "2001-06-30T08:27:39Z")
I work at McDonalds, and it’s safe to say that at least 25% of our employees don’t speak english. Most of them are Brazilian, and speak a Spanish-Portugese mix. I have 5 Portugese closers, and while holding a conversation with them isn’t always easy, they’re some of the hardest workers I’ve ever seen. I think part of it’s because they’re so grateful for the job, they don’t want to screw up. When our store manager left for her 2 month vacation, they bought her a going away present. Even her managers didn’t do that much for her…yeah, I know we suck! But they do the best they can, and for the most part, they’re honestly trying to learn the language…they’re making the most out of their experience. Which is a lot more than I can say for half of my English employees…
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### Author:  [@deepbluesea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deepbluesea)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/54 "2001-06-30T11:24:53Z")
I think the OP is taking the wrong tack on this issue. Yes, I wish people who immigrate would make an effort to learn the language of the country to which they have moved. Not because it inconveniences me if they don’t - it doesn’t, and even if it did, other people aren’t obligated to make my life convenient - but because without English, they’ll miss most of the opportunities and advantages they presumably moved here to gain. Not speaking any English when you live in America is a good way to end up in low-paying, dead-end jobs; it’s a big step on the route to poverty and all the problems that go with it.
However, for folks who are mortally offended by people like this, rest assured that the problem is self-correcting. My 28-year-old sister-in-law immigrated here with her family 25 years ago. Her parents still speak absolutely no English, and have no intentions of learning any. As a result, they live in a dangerous part of town, work unpleasant jobs, and subsist well below the poverty line. But my s-i-l learned English despite her parents’ resistance to it, although she speaks with an accent; her siblings learned, too. Their children, American citizens by birth, speak unaccented, standard English (and Spanish). Problem solved in three generations.
My brother-in-law moved to this country when he married my sister. His spoken English is quite good, though his writing skills aren’t great. He works extremely hard on it, though, since he has a family to support and he knows he won’t be able to get ahead without English. My nephew, their son, speaks unaccented, standard English (and Turkish). Again, problem solved, but this time in two generations.
My point is, no matter how resistant to (or accepting of) English the original immigrants are, their children and grandchildren will want to speak English because they will want the advantages that come with fluency. And while the language problem is being solved, the immigrants work jobs most Americans would scorn to do.
What harm does any of this do to the rest of us?
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### Author:  [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/55 "2001-06-30T12:24:50Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Eve \*
> \*\*Me, I always get slightly annoyed when my ATM asks me, “do you want to continue in Spanish or English?” If I wanted to continue in Spanish, ATM, I would fucking live in SPAIN. I am on Madison Avenue and 39th Street, I would like to continue in ENGLISH. \*\*
Then can I assume that if you ever go to continental Europe, you will refuse to use the option on all ATMs to continue in English as a matter of principle?
Oh, and what Beadalin and Miller said. People who “refuse” to learn the language of their adopted country - and I have never seen anything to convince me that this is any more than a tiny minority - are hurting themselves, not you. MYOB and be thankful you weren’t born in a country you felt a dire need to get out of.
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### Author:  [@\_Uigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Uigi)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/56 "2001-06-30T22:44:22Z")
Whut furners ya’ll tawkin’ ‘bout? Yankers? Wul, I’m fur runnin’ 'em the hell outta town! 'Em stinky feets shows up fur thur vacasheuns 'n dem sumbitches caint eben ordur a dam beer widout tellen ussns how to do …wul, tings. (Ya’ll no, tings lak no cowz in the yard and udder stuff lak dat.)
Deh gonna hafta hav a Chawleston veesa naxt yar! HeHeHawHeHawHeHe!!!
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### Author:  [@Homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2001, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/57 "2001-07-01T03:10:58Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by stofsky \*
> \*\*And my apologies to enlightened Southerners for the dialect…I just hear this kind of BS more often down here and in the midwest than elsewhere. \*\*
Glad to see the assholes are out in force today! Its _horrible_ and _deplorable_ when someone stereotypes immigrants with speech problems and accents, but it’s _acceptable_, and more important, _true_ when you stereotype Americans with accents, huh?
A big two fisted fuck you, clownboat, from an unprejudiced midwesterner. Unprejudiced you ask? Yeah. I hate pricks, regardless of where they’re from. Go to hell.
–Tim
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### Author:  [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2001, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/58 "2001-07-01T03:30:23Z")
Yeah, it’d be nice if they learned a few words of our language here and there. But it would also be nice if you didn’t go postal when they can’t think of how something is said in English. I have taken two years of Spanish. I try to help out when I can. It’s me that’s the embarassed one, as I am not a perfect speaker.
Cut people a little fucking slack. Not all of them have time to learn all the delicate nuances of English.
To foreign posters: Not all of us are xenophobic fingers-in-our-ears idjits. **Chique** , I concur.
Que barbaridad.
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### Author:  [@Morrison\_s\_Lament](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrison_s_Lament)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2001, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/59 "2001-07-02T04:53:30Z")
…not to mention the fact that 99% of all English speaking furriners we get over here get all upset and roll their eyes if no one speaks good English at any given time and place.
— G. Raven
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### Author:  [@jack\_ss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jack_ss)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2001, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-america-you-bastards/70634/60 "2001-07-02T07:26:30Z")
I worked in cabinet mills for a few years with people who spoke very little english. I didn’t mind as long as they tried. I learned a little spanish from them, taught them a lot of english. At one time, we had a lot of temps come in at the same time and none of them spoke any english. The next night, myself and the supervisor were the only people out of a 14-man crew who bothered to speak any english. It really sucks to have 12 people shouting at you (you have to shout in a cabinet mill if you want to be heard at all) in a language you don’t understand and only catch every tenth word. In a city that offers _free_ ESL classes.In a cabinet mill, it’s not only annoying but also dangerous to not share a common language among the work force.
Fuck that. I enrolled in computer classes the next day. Now I earn $4.00 an hour more.
Yeah, they’re hurting themselves and asking to be economically exploited by not learning English. Education was my solution to working in an environment where the workforce speaks the same language as I do, and it is the solution to immigrants earning a decent (by american standards) living. That means learn the fucking language if you want to be equal. Sounds shitty, but it is the way things are. I don’t make the rules.
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