# Welcome to Dopeville, pop. 27,757 **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 11, 2002, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006 "2002-12-11T14:52:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/1 "2002-12-11T14:52:58Z")
The SDMB community has grown and changed so much since I posted this thread a couple of years ago that I thought I’d revive it, for our new and vital community—A Great Place to Live and Work! **Cecil** is our Mayor, **Ed Zotti** his deputy; the mods hold various government posts (to be grabbed up as they choose). In our town square stands a memorial statue to **Wally** , shortly to be joined by the statue of **Poopah Chalupa** , currently under construction. Once a year, we all gather in the town square and sing our town anthem (with apologies to Betty Comden and the late Adolph Green): In Dopeville by the sea, Where love and laughter live eternally. In Dopeville by the hill, Where gondolas go gliding by the mill Tropical nights—festival lights Strudel for two at the midnight bullfights. In Dopeville, lovely Dopeville Where the flying fishes play Where the schnitzel is high as an elephant’s eye And the skies are not cloudy all day. Come to Dopeville with me— Liebchen! By the sea—_Olé!_ In Dopeville by the sea Where all the world’s in love with gay Paree In Dopeville on the shore Where Geisha girls keep coming back for more We’ll live in style, gold by the pile Goulash for two as we barge down the Nile. In Dopeville, lovely Dopeville Where the corn and 'taters grow! In our sweet home sweet home all the roads lead to Rome, So, my darling, let’s hurry and go! Come to Dopeville with me— Liebchen! By the sea—_Olé!_ I am the town’s appalled dowager. I write the Society Column for the _Dopeville Gazette_, and show up at charity bazaars and balls, so I can glare through my lorgnette and go, “well, _really!_” I also hold my Tuesday Night Salon, up in my mansion on the hill, where Dopers gather to practice their snappy retorts and smart wisecracks. So how do you fit into Dopeville? ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/2 "2002-12-11T15:11:36Z")
Horizontally is best for me. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/3 "2002-12-11T15:17:25Z")
I spose I’m kindof a IMHO kinda gal. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/4 "2002-12-11T15:30:12Z")
I’m the town’s friendly bear. I like to be fed cookies and given beer to drink. I especially like it when big, burly, hairy, sweaty men are feeding me cookies and giving me beer to drink. If they’re naked while doing it, all the better. I’m also house trained. It’s been almost two weeks since I peed on anybody’s carpet. I live in the tastefully decorated cave located at the end of Elm Street. You know the one. The mailbox is made out of old beer cans. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/5 "2002-12-11T15:30:24Z")
No, no, no, dears. You, **Vanilla** , for instance, might run the daycare center at the Dopeville Born-Again Church and Bingo Hall, or **Gorgon** , you might [quickly reading his profile] be the hard-drinking photog for the _Gazette_. C’mon, people, use some imagination and populate our little toen! ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/6 "2002-12-11T15:31:27Z")
Of course I still own and run the local diner/cafe. Open early in the mornings and close early in the evenings. Just your normal gossip hangout with good ole fashioned home-cooked meals. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/7 "2002-12-11T15:31:55Z")
**Swampbear** , you’ve got the idea! ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/8 "2002-12-11T15:35:09Z")
No running a day care for _me!_ I will be the data research assistant, who lives in the library, occaisionally going out for chocolate, and to church. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/9 "2002-12-11T15:38:18Z")
I teach, of course. Science and math in the Middle School. My classes are so engaging, I don’t have the usual insanity that rules the classrooms of this age group. My little house has a darling garden, neat and tidy, thanks to my studly live-in gardener [sub]who, incidentally, is constantly shooing away the pesky **bear** [/sub] and there are always yummy things baking, thanks to my studly live-in cook. I ride thru town in my shiny car driven by my studly live-in chauffeur. Yes, life is wonderful in Doperville. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/10 "2002-12-11T15:49:56Z")
I run a game store, selling Magic cards (aka crack for gamers) and little tiny men made of metal. At night, I host D&D games or the local branch of the American Recorder Society. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/11 "2002-12-11T15:55:24Z")
I’m the museum curator. I wear suits and glasses, and look flustered when people talk to me. And I talk excitedly about old things in glass cases. ---
**Author:** ![Politzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ab097/32.png) [@Politzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Politzania)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/12 "2002-12-11T15:57:52Z")
I’ll be the Spanish teacher (who has the same type of engaging classes as **FCM** ). I spend my time pretty much equally between the library, school, home, and the coffeehouse/bookstore, where I work part time, mostly for the employee discounts. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/13 "2002-12-11T15:58:43Z")
You’ll usually find me with rock hammer in hand along one of the roadcuts heading into our fair town. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/14 "2002-12-11T15:58:49Z")
One of my favorite things to do is to sneak the freshly baked cookies cooling in the window of the [sub]old broad school teacher’s[/sub] kitchen. ---
**Author:** ![beegirl13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/848f3c/32.png) [@beegirl13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beegirl13)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/15 "2002-12-11T16:00:55Z")
I’ll be the town’s veterniarian, if there’s nobody more qualified. IRL, there’s just the teeny little problem of 5.5 more years of school. If there’s a real vet among us who can obviously do a better job than me, I want to be the keeper of a makeshift zoo on the edge of town where all the animals are the happiest creatures in the world. I will be spending a lot of time in the bookstore which has appeared upon preview. ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/16 "2002-12-11T16:04:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ethilrist \* > \*\*I run a game store, selling Magic cards (aka crack for gamers) and little tiny men made of metal. At night, I host D&D games or the local branch of the American Recorder Society. \*\* Doh! I was going to run a game store! Can I work at yours? I’d call mine, “The Geektique”. ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/17 "2002-12-11T16:05:21Z")
If nobody else is gonna be a brain surgeon, or double knot spy, I’d like to do that. Otherwise, I’ll run the local junkyard. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/18 "2002-12-11T16:07:32Z")
I own the town bookstore. Call me a snob, but my shelves are laden with interesting books on politics, history, science, film history (of course!) and great novels. And because Dopers are my custom, I also carry the complete works of JRR Tolkein and The Onion. Nary a Danielle Steele book to be found, but comfy chairs and couches are in great abundance. Politziana is my employee. She has an excellent employee discount. ---
**Author:** ![Go\_alien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9d8465/32.png) [@Go\_alien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_alien)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/19 "2002-12-11T16:09:36Z")
I’m not local\*, just a resident alien, but I quite like it here. I’m hoping for a green card soon, to match my green skin. Until then, I don’t have a proper job do I spend a lot of time sitting on a rocking chair outside the general store, chewing the fat and spitting. By the way, we know the population but what’s the elevation? - obligatory League of Gentlmen reference. I assume the local shop is run by Tubs & Edward for local people?. ---
**Author:** ![Skerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Skerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skerri)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/20 "2002-12-11T16:12:45Z")
Ooh. I own the local music club/watering hole. You name a living band, I’ll try to find a way to get them, even if you’re the only one who’ll attend. I also bartend on the weeknights, because a girl’s gotta keep busy, ya know. And **Rebound Guy** , AKA Loverboy can be our resident emcee for comedy night, once he registers on the boards. 😃 (I’ve almost got him sucked in…) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006.md?page=2)