# Welcome to Dopeville, pop. 27,757 **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 11, 2002, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006 "2002-12-11T14:52:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/261 "2002-12-12T21:15:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by plnnr \* > \*\*Memo > > TO: Ms. Pussy Galore > > FROM: Plnnr, Town Manager > > Please take $10,000 from petty case and deliver it to Nutty Bunny for services rendered. > > When you return, please come back into my office. I think I’d like to dictate another letter. \*\* To: Plnnr, Town Manager From: Nutty Bunny, CPA Since you’re offering me twice my going rate for your annual audit, I’ll give you a hint: If you want to call your secretary’s breast implants “capital improvements”, I will look the other way when it comes to the management letter at the conclusion of the audit. That way, you can depreciate them–I’d say, on the straight-line basis with an estimated useful life of 10 years, if saline; 5 years, if silicone. By the way, Mr. Plnnr, that’s SOME petty cash account you have! ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/262 "2002-12-12T21:37:18Z")
I make sure that if you get sick and call 911 then I take the call, make sure the ambulances all work and get despatched to you super-quick. Hey, it’s gotta be done and I know how to do it. It’s little but important role and it’s the best one I can fill, especially since **Kyla** nabbed that whole bookstore gig. I would be hanging out at **Kyla’s** bookstore in my spare time, chatting and suddenly interrupting people who are quietly browsing with recommendations based entirely upon my judgement of their personality. ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/263 "2002-12-12T21:46:36Z")
_Dopeville Gazette_ SPECIAL EVENING EDITION - THIS JUST IN … Spokespeople for Dopeville Town Manager Mr. Plnnr have announced in a press release that in the best interests of the people of Dopeville and to lie waste numerous erroneous rumors of pandering to citizens’ wallets for political gain, he will personally pay all expenses at **Skerri’s** for Tahiti Night. Though completely unfounded, the allegations have nonetheless harmed the sterling reputation of service carefully cultivated by the manager’s office, and he wishes to make ammends. * * * I love the free press. Party on, folks. ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/264 "2002-12-12T22:00:20Z")
I live in the big scary house up on the hill and the towns children whisper about the scary witch with the long silver hair and dare each other to go into my yard which resembles a cemetary. Persephone I was thinking about opening a small shop in town and would be looking for someone to run it. Lots of herbs and ritual stuff to be sold. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/265 "2002-12-12T22:02:18Z")
\ Chief! Chief! I just found out why the City Manager wants to close the TV station down so badly! He’s gonna turn it into a Breats Enlargement Center! He’s tired of driving his secretaries all the way over to Rival Town to get the…errr…jobs done! What? Your car? Uhhh…you have a car? Really? Go figure. \ This? Oh, well, I had to stop by the Tiki Party downtown. Y’know…to interview people. Really. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/266 "2002-12-12T22:22:01Z")
Tonight on WSD… A heart-wrenching story of a single mother’s fight with her boss…he forced her to get breast implants, and has subjected her to numerous unwanted sexual advances… Watch her tears flow as she bemoans her plight…and we reveal who this sordid individual is…tonight, only on WSD… (Cut off my water and sewer…HA!) Oh, and thanks to all those who came to my side…FREEDOM OF THE PRESS IS NUMBER ONE!!! Now, **plnnr** …can I buy you a drink at Tahiti Night…just to show there’s no hard feelings 😉 until the next political brouhaha, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/267 "2002-12-12T22:36:57Z")
Oh good, **Jester**. Glad you’re back. We need to have a little talk about some of your copy. My sources at the AP assure me that “puppy-kicking” _does_ require a hyphen when you’re using it as an adjective. Also, **minty** and **bristlesage** over at the law office say it may be libelous. Unless, of course, you actually saw the city manager kicking puppies. And if you did, I think we’ll need to move that up to the lede. Now what say you and I put this issue to bed and head down to Tahiti Night? I’ve got a few hours to spare before I have to start the festivities for the Gamers Gathering at the coffeehouse. After this mess down at city hall, a daquiri or three is just what I need to calm my nerves. ---
**Author:** ![bristlesage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@bristlesage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bristlesage)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/268 "2002-12-12T22:51:46Z")
Hey, **Juniper200** , I say nothing, I just do the research. **Mr. green** does all the talking 'round here. [sub]But you might want to read about Gertz v. Welch a little, which discusses laws of defamation and the freedoms of speech and press.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/269 "2002-12-12T23:28:09Z")
_So this is **Skerri** ’s. Looks OK."_ [sup]:Opens door and enters:[/sup] _Sand?_ [sup]:Walks to bar and takes a seat at the center:[/sup] Hey there, baekeep! How are you? How about a double Black Jack and a cup of ice? [sup]:Lights a Marlboro, and waits:[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![LucChiq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@LucChiq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LucChiq)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/270 "2002-12-12T23:35:20Z")
quote: * * * originally posted by Mr. Wrong LucChiq, Why doncha meet me by the river, little darlin’? I might just let you see my bad tatoo. And you can bring your roomie. * * * Well I am game, but my roomie can’t make it since she already got a job. Since you are showing me your bad tattoo I’ll show you mine too. quote: * * * originally posted by swampbear And I hear that for an extra fee, LucChiq will perform certain, shall we say, “personal services” for the male patients over at the hospital." * * * Where did you hear that? Did you hear it from the nurse that walked in on me and the patient on room 212. I swear I was on top of him trying to perform mouth to mouth resuscitation. It is the new way to perform it.quote ---
**Author:** ![LucChiq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@LucChiq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LucChiq)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/271 "2002-12-12T23:36:31Z")
sorry the last “quote” was a mistake ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/272 "2002-12-12T23:56:36Z")
Ah, a hard day at work. The hospital lab has just finished a batch of pre-employment urine drug screens. All I can say about that is… somebody has some explaining to do. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/273 "2002-12-12T23:57:02Z")
Uhh…bu…ga…I…errrrrr…well, youseethethingis, I-i…err… Okay? ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/274 "2002-12-13T00:17:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\*Well, you know, for a moderate fee, I can be hired to glare haughtily at people and go, “well, _really!_” \*\* Eve, would you consider working through Doperpower? I can coordinate those bookings for you for a very, very small overhead. (Far below usual going rate since I do like you so very, very much.) And **Skerri** – Doperpower was going to try to “serve up” a short order cook for you, but if you’re taking money from that corrupt **Plnnr** for your Tahiti Night, no can do. You’ll have to find your own cook. However, **Rico** , Doperpower can provide trained, armed security guards to protect the radio station transmitter with just a few hours notice. Just call me. Doperville 5- JOBS. ( **Ivyglass** , that goes for the TV station too, should you have any further difficulties with the \ city planner or manager or whatever he is.) ---
**Author:** ![lawoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@lawoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lawoot)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/275 "2002-12-13T00:34:11Z")
I’m on the faculty of the local university - I teach theatre arts, and design the sets for our productions (AND build them. AND paint them. I need more students!). I tend to blast **Frank Zappa** and **King Crimson** during my all night work parties at the theatre. In what little spare time I have, I am a percussionist for the symphony. ---
**Author:** ![Improv\_Geek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b3f665/32.png) [@Improv\_Geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Improv_Geek)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/276 "2002-12-13T00:36:24Z")
I’m the quiet story teller that is seen around the town who hasn’t told any stories as of late, but sometimes asks and answers the odd question. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/277 "2002-12-13T00:45:29Z")
_breaks silence_ **plnnr** , the check bounced. The bank says you’re $300 overdrawn. **Jester**! Show me what you got young man! We’re going to break this town _open_. Watergate’s got nothing on us! Power to the people! The pen is mightier than the sword! ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/278 "2002-12-13T01:24:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rue DeDay \* > \*\*Dang! I was hoping it would go: > > By day, I work at the Dopesville Bank. > > By night, I fight crime. I’m **Hardygrrl**! (duh duh duuuuuuh!) > > \*\* I _can_ do both. Hockey sticks raise some welts, ya know 😃 ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/279 "2002-12-13T01:27:00Z")
**Announcement** This weekend only at the video store, it’s Rent 2, Get 1 Free! Rent any two videos, get a third free! (New Releases .99) In the mood for some more **adult** entertainment? Visit the back room of the video store! (Must be 18+) Saturday is our Grand Opening! Free hot dogs and balloons for the kids. Limit 2 hot dogs and 1 balloon per person. Thank you. -brianjedi ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/280 "2002-12-13T01:43:46Z")
**Jester** , you may **NOT** cover the video store opening. Your mother would kill me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006.md?page=15)