# Welcome to Dopeville, pop. 27,757 **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 11, 2002, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006 "2002-12-11T14:52:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/61 "2002-12-11T18:11:06Z")
Actually, **Eve** , I had intentionally left mine open for interpretation, as I (rightly) foresaw this thread going a long ways. Still, I’d have to say the photojournalistic experience in Dopeville would be rather more interesting than my current place of employment. That and I would love to see the debate in the streets as to whether what I wrote actually happened or not. And if this paper is free, how much am I making? I have a family to support, you know. And I have have to support the local bar … you know … just doing my part for the community. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/62 "2002-12-11T18:11:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ivylass \* > **I think Polycarp is our town preacher. 🙂** And he runs the local Community College. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/63 "2002-12-11T18:13:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gorgon Heap \* > \*\*And if this paper is free, how much am I making? I have a family to support, you know. And I have have to support the local bar … you know … just doing my part for the community. \*\* Depends on the ad sales. I hear a lot of businesses starting up. I don’t hear any ads being placed. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/64 "2002-12-11T18:13:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BiblioCat \* > \*\*I want to work at the bookstore, too. Please? I promise not to ever order cheesy Harlequin romance novels, and to always keep Jane Austen and the Brontë sisters and lots of good women’s literature and poetry in stock. \*\* But of course! I’m not a big poetry person, so I need someone around to make sure that we have a good selection. ---
**Author:** ![Jessity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c67d28/32.png) [@Jessity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jessity)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/65 "2002-12-11T18:19:35Z")
I can manage the town’s escort service. What? ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/66 "2002-12-11T18:26:00Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Jonathan Chance_ > Depends on the ad sales. I hear a lot of businesses starting up. I don’t hear any ads being placed. You hear that, people? Just think of it!!! The ugly, blank spots that say “Your add could be here,” or “Advertise with us,” can instead be a feeding frenzy for the eye! Booze adds! XXX adds! Adds for D&D and Rifts (though I know nobody likes Rifts)!!! Our paper strives to uphold the values of ethical ambiguity in all its splendor! Place adds in our paper! Think of what it can do for your business, no matter how lewd!!! Think of what it can do for my paycheck!!! C’Mon, people!!! ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/67 "2002-12-11T18:26:02Z")
I’m the reclusive ex-rockstar that bought and renovated the old Dunwich mansion on the outskirts of town, where I’m raising a Soggoth. Most of the good bands that play at **Skerri’s** place end up partying and crashing at my place after the show. Sometimes they are never heard from again. The townspeople generally won’t acknowledge me in public, but mostly because they’ve all been to my house at least once, gotten drunk and high, and boasted about their sexual fetishes or illegal cable. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/68 "2002-12-11T18:27:44Z")
I’m a math perfesser at the local community college, and during my copious free time (I’m tenured, natch :)) I write cranky letters to the editor of the _Dopeville Gazette_, usually on a laptop while I’m hanging out at the bar, coffeehouse, or library. I keep on hoping one of my female students will offer me wild, perverted sex in exchange for turning her ‘F’ into a passing mark, but it never happens. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/69 "2002-12-11T18:42:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jessica2 \* > \*\*I can manage the town’s escort service. > > What? \*\* Trust me. This is not a job you want. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/70 "2002-12-11T18:43:53Z")
I see **Poly** as the rebellious leather clad teen, with the heart of an artist. Tho capable of straight A’s, he intentionally sabotages his grades in order to maintain his image, and has trouble staying awake in school because he stays up all night writing poetry in his composition book. **Poly** is idolized by all the teen goons and teen goon wannabes, roaring around on his moped with an unfiltered dangling from his lip. Meanwhile, his hardbitten exterior masks his longing for Polly Purebright, honor student, candy striper, and volunteer at the local abused women’s shelter. The only one who knows his true nature is **ultress** , who’s been around the block a few times herself. One day **Poly** hung out in the diner, while cutting classes, and left his composition book in the booth. But his secret is safe with her. Tho is **Poly** himself safe with her?! Personally, I don’t care about his inner moose. I just want him to keep his motorsickle outta my rhodadendrons! That darn kid! ---
**Author:** ![Jessity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c67d28/32.png) [@Jessity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jessity)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/71 "2002-12-11T18:46:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > \*\*Trust me. This is not a job you want. \*\* Yeah, I know. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/72 "2002-12-11T18:47:10Z")
I’m just passing through. Say, got a second? Look at this picture. Has this gal been through here? Oh, OK. So, is there a saloon around here? ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/73 "2002-12-11T18:49:13Z")
I pillage. And can be convinced to indulge in consensual rapine. ---
**Author:** ![Firebat023](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a4c791/32.png) [@Firebat023](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Firebat023)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/74 "2002-12-11T18:49:44Z")
I’m the guy who lives on the outskirts of town without power or running water and lives by hunting and farming. On occasion I have to go away because the Marines called my unit up, but I come back with some funny stories to tell. NOW GET OUT OF MY YARD ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/75 "2002-12-11T18:50:33Z")
And that doesn’t mean what you think it does 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/76 "2002-12-11T18:52:12Z")
Lookin’ for yer Shanghai Lil? ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/77 "2002-12-11T18:56:36Z")
I’m proud to announce the grand opening of **Knyckers Lingerie Shoppe**. We sell all manner of undergarments for men and women - sexy, sultry, or comfy-cozy, it’s up to you. Everything from longjohns to fishnets, petticoats to bathrobes, in your choice of colors and fabrics! Pet grooming and gaudy jewelry also available in store, at very resonable prices. Drop off your favorite dog (or bear) for a bath, and browse through our handsome selection of fine engagements rings, then select a little lacy something to make your wedding night that much more special! - \*\* Knyckers Lingerie Shoppe is now hiring - qualified jewellers, pet-lovers, salespeople, and anyone who likes underwear all welcome to apply. \* –Ms. Kn\*ckers, naughty Shoppe proprietress and lounge singer ---
**Author:** ![mcms\_cricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@mcms\_cricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mcms_cricket)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/78 "2002-12-11T18:56:59Z")
_bibliocat said:_ > [@](#): > > I want to work at the bookstore, too. Please? I promise not to ever order cheesy Harlequin romance novels, and to always keep Jane Austen and the Brontë sisters and lots of good women’s literature and poetry in stock. Say, Bibliocat - I could use some part-time help at the library. Do you know anything about Collection Development? What Youth Services? ---
**Author:** ![mcms\_cricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@mcms\_cricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mcms_cricket)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/79 "2002-12-11T18:58:28Z")
What **about** Youth Services… Ugh. Cricket ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/80 "2002-12-11T19:01:05Z")
Oh, I meant to mention, the above ad would appear in the _Dopeville Gazette_. 20 Dopemarks per word? That seems reasonable. Here ya go. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006.md?page=5)