# Welcome to Dopeville, pop. 27,757 **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 11, 2002, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006 "2002-12-11T14:52:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/141 "2002-12-12T01:11:45Z")
By day, I work at the Dopesville Bank. Preventing fraud and making sure all Doper funds are safe from Bad People. By night, I coach the amateur hockey league. I wield my sarcasm like a switchblade. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/142 "2002-12-12T01:21:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > \*\*Yeah, but the _beauty_ of the situation is that yes, even though you start out a vampy villainess, the magical goodness of Dopeville will eventually convince your lil’ ol’ black heart that your evil ways are, indeed, _evil_, thus stopping your reign of terror and letting the world (or, the Dopeville citizens) know of your true beauty, both inside and out. > > You’ll be the talk of the town for years to come. Everyone likes a convert. (Well, maybe not everyone, but work with me here, will ya’?) > > 😉 \*\* And I thought you said I soould be nefarious! 😉 Then again, even the most nefarious villainnesses must have some repentance in them, I suppose. F\_X ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/143 "2002-12-12T01:21:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > \*\*Yeah, but the _beauty_ of the situation is that yes, even though you start out a vampy villainess, the magical goodness of Dopeville will eventually convince your lil’ ol’ black heart that your evil ways are, indeed, _evil_, thus stopping your reign of terror and letting the world (or, the Dopeville citizens) know of your true beauty, both inside and out. > > You’ll be the talk of the town for years to come. Everyone likes a convert. (Well, maybe not everyone, but work with me here, will ya’?) > > 😉 \*\* And I thought you said I should be nefarious! 😉 Then again, even the most nefarious villainnesses must have some repentance in them, I suppose. F\_X ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/144 "2002-12-12T01:32:01Z")
Such as double-posting. ---
**Author:** ![bristlesage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@bristlesage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bristlesage)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/145 "2002-12-12T01:36:23Z")
And who will play in the Philharmonic? I’ll take up a second violin or viola position. [sub]And how many more times will I post to this thread?![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/146 "2002-12-12T01:43:34Z")
Coming this January you may hope to see me using the town jail. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/147 "2002-12-12T01:46:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bristlesage \* > Also, if a lawyer needs someone to research crap for him or her, I’m pretty okay at that, too. I can use a good paralegal. minty green, esq. ---
**Author:** ![bristlesage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@bristlesage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bristlesage)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/148 "2002-12-12T01:51:18Z")
_Originally posted by minty green_ > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by minty green \* > \*\*I can use a good paralegal. > > minty green, esq. \*\* Okay, I can do that, though I have no formal schooling. You willing to train a sassypants who will want to learn more than she probably should? I do excellent academic research. I hope that’s a modifyable skill. ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/149 "2002-12-12T02:03:55Z")
I’ll be the new, young English teacher at Dopeville High - you know, the one all the male teachers are sweet for. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/150 "2002-12-12T02:12:12Z")
Gods, I do not really know where i could fit in, but i’d love a job as a deejay or maybe as someone who covers the courthouse beat for the newspaper. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/151 "2002-12-12T02:14:42Z")
I am, of course, the cub reporter at the _Gazette_, fresh out of school and trying to get my sea-legs in this hectic town. I am under **Gorgon’s** tutelage, as he is the grizzled photographer, and sleep on a couch in the back of the office, since I don’t exactly have anywhere to stay. I am never seen without my rumpled trench coat and “Press” hat. Luckily, being at the _Gazette_ 24/7 gives me ample opportunity to gaze affectionately at the copy editor, who I am convinced is the love of my life. I haven’t found the way to tell her, yet, as every conversation I’ve ever had has wound up with me stammering like an idiot. I am also aspiring to be a writer, and whenever I get the chance to get out of work for a bit I can usually be seen pestering **MrVisible** about some odd aspect of writing or another. So, boss, got any ideas as to where I could find myself some scoops? ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/152 "2002-12-12T02:19:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mcms\_cricket \* > Say, Bibliocat - I could use some part-time help at the library. Do you know anything about Collection Development? What Youth Services? \*\* Sure, I’ll help out at the library, as long as I get first crack at the Annual Friends of The Library Sale. I’m going to mosey on over to the coffee shop. Anyone want a cappachino? ---
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/153 "2002-12-12T02:44:17Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by RTFirefly_Besides, she says there’s no flirting in the library. > > Gotta wonder what she’d look like if she let her hair down, though… Well, there’s no rule against flirting with me if you happen to see me when I’m off-duty. Hint: you might find me at the local coffeehouse, drinking tea and reading the _Gazette_. Who knew the library would be such a seething den of lust? ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/154 "2002-12-12T02:46:20Z")
_The stars that hang high over Shanghai Bring back the memory of a thrill…_ Hot Damn! She’s been here! She’ll come back. I just _know_ she will. Guess I’ll head on over to this gal **Skerri** ’s joint that I heard about and have a drink. And wait. [sub]: trudges off skerriward through the quickening snow :[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/155 "2002-12-12T03:15:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by anya marie \* > **…i’d love a job as a deejay…** You can do the midday shift - 10AM to 2PM on KDPE. And your job will constantly be in jeopardy as a big conglomerate buys all the radio and TV stations in town. Any other takers? ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/156 "2002-12-12T03:17:25Z")
I’m going to be the local video-store clerk. Anyone asking for “Navy Seals” is gonna get hurt. (Yes, I’m just Randal from _Clerks_. So what?) Barring that, I’ll just work at the bookstore, hanging out behind the counter and talking to all the customers. -brianjedi ---
**Author:** ![mcms\_cricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@mcms\_cricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mcms_cricket)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/157 "2002-12-12T03:34:29Z")
_Q.N. Jones said:_ > [@](#): > > Who knew the library would be such a seething den of lust? A seething den of lust? In **MY** library?? (_folds arms, taps heels, looks around sternly_) SSSHHHHHHHHH (_stomps angrily away_) Cricket ---
**Author:** ![Skerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Skerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skerri)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/158 "2002-12-12T03:39:57Z")
**brianjedi** , if you’re Randall from “Clerks”, then I automatically adore you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/159 "2002-12-12T03:46:18Z")
Sure, **ivylass**. Knitting, crochet, crewel, spinning, applique, whatever. All of my friends of all crafty persuasions are welcome. Just give me a call beforehand so I can tidy up a little and sweep the cat hair off the couch. \ Have you met that new reporter they’ve hired on down at the paper? They’re so cute when they’re just out of school–spending nights in the newsroom, sure they’ll have a Pulitzer within the year! As if anything goes on in Dopeville! Unless he were to finally crack that mystery about Mayor Adams…Anyway, he’s kind of sweet, in a retro fedora kind of way. I’ll have to bring him something from the coffee shop the next time my shifts line up. \ Of course I get to be the big gossip! I work at the paper and the coffee shop! I hear about everything that goes on in this town. ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2002, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006/160 "2002-12-12T04:05:28Z")
I run the Resource Center at the Dopeville Christian Church. We sell books, videos, study guides, magazines, music, religious supplies, and 458 different translations of the Bible. We’ve even started a small lending section, where you can borrow selected materials or just sit around with a cuppa joe and read the latest in fundie books. (Hope you don’t mind the competition, **iconoplast, mcms\_cricket, Kyla** and all of our other wonderful bookstore/library/coffeehouse employees – but don’t worry, we’re kind of a niche group.) You can find information about our services and ministries in the religion section of the _Dopeville Gazette_. (Don’t worry, our account is current.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/welcome-to-dopeville-pop-27-757/142006.md?page=9)